Last week I travelled to Minnesota for an old-fashioned fun week of road work (I call it old-fashioned because road work has become something of ancient lore for my calendar and bank account). I was going back to the club that was first to give me a headlining weekend, the Joke Joint in St Paul, Minnesota. It is a great little club with a friendly owner/manager. In fact, unlike many comedy condos, the comedy condo at the Joke Joint is a welcome sight. It is the second floor of the club owner’s house and is stocked with lots of homey amenities like a DVD player, bowls of candies and snacks and very clean (it is on his property so there is a major incentive to have it be more than just adequate). But as it turned out, the owner had family in town so I ended up staying at the downtown St Paul Embassy Suites. But I am racing ahead of myself. This was days 2-4 of the trip. The first part was getting to Minnesota and going to the Black Bear Casino.
Part One: Cauvin’s 11
The first gig of the week was at the Black Bear Casino in Carlton, MN. I have done the casino before and it was solid the first time. Rather than write out how the flight went, I will just provide you a few minutes form one of my sets at the Joke Joint to recap the flight.
When I arrived early afternoon I was picked up at the airport by Wayne, a local comedian who sort of resembles Drew Carey, if Drew Carey had served in the military and had some ink. We drove north to Carlton and the Black Bear Casino made the mistake of giving me a $10 comp card to play on their machines. I stuck it into a slot machine like a woman who had no idea she was about to be shamed. I turned that $10 into just over $50 in winnings. I kept looking over my shoulder for casino security to escort me out for taking them for all they could handle, but perhaps because I was “the talent” they let it pass.
I then went to the buffet (which was comp’d, once again, “the talent”) which was an incredible display of Middle America gluttony. I saw so many obese people with 3 and 4 plates of food (and kept wanting to say “do you often bring 4 plates for yourself at home? Then why are you doing it now? Have some shame!”) that it forced me to only have one dessert. Then I went to entertain. The show went great and I managed to sell a few CDs. In summary – the house does not always win.
Days Two and Three – St Paul Laughs at an “Oaf”
The people of Minnesota have a well-earned reputation as being nice. And after the first three shows the manager/owner of the Joke Joint only received one complaining e-mail where I was referred to as an unfunny “oaf.” As someone who has a wealth of YouTube comments wishing death, AIDS and death cause by AIDS, I must say that being called an oaf is practically a compliment. The shows did go really well all week, I sold almost all of my albums that I brought (Guns N Roses CDs were particularly popular) and was well-rested and relaxed. So here are some random complaints I have about the area surrounding my Embassy Suites:
- Jimmy Johns – I have seen many, never ate at one until now, out of necessity. Great cookies. Bad sandwiches – they sort of pretend to be a real deli, but that is just a front to pile on extras and condiments on to sandwiches which contain less and almost as slimy deli meats as Subway.
- Dear Nice deli/diner/restaurant near the hotel (and the rest of America) – some people like Russian dressing for sandwiches. Ranch Dressing is not a cure-all condiment and it is one of the many reasons we are a fat nation.
(See, not that many complaints)
Day Four: Gary Matter
If you are not a Breaking Bad fan, this is a play on Grey Matter – the company Walter White helped found and has regrets about because it took off after he left. In season one he is subjected to seeing their happiness and almost unlimited wealth as a reminder of what he felt close to achieving and is now very far from. Similarly, on this day of my trip I ventured to the Mall of America where one of my favorite comedians (currently the #1 ranked tall comedian in America) Gary Gulman was headlining the House of Comedy. We decided to meet up for lunch, and were instantly on par with Supreme Court Justices Warren Burger and Harry Blackmun as one of the most powerful partnerships ever forged in Minnesota (sorry Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer).
Gulman selected a restaurant called Firelake Grill House, which appeared to be a restaurant from the future. I felt like a person in a futuristic movie like Elysium, seeing how the privileged class lives. Outside the restaurant was a series of oddly shaped pieces of furntiture that no one could sit on. That is how you know it was fancy. I met Gulman and a local comedian he was buddies with and we have a fun lunch. It was full of television talk and some words on comedy. I never got to pitch my idea to Gulman for an HBO-sponsored tour called PremaTour Ejaculation (which would be a prequel sort of tour to Tourgasm), where Gulman would headline with a series of less accomplished comedians on the bill. It was good to hear Gulman’s thoughts on comedy and simultaneously inspiring and disheartening to know that ten years in Gulman was struggling too. Sadly I may not have Gulman’s Gus Fring-like patience to build an empire over decades. My Walter White bank account (meaning it has stage 3 Cancer, not piles of money from overseas drug dealing) necessitates me finding sources of hope and revenue sooner, rather than later. Gulman then picked up the check, which was the Grey Matter-picking-up-the-health-costs-for-Walter moment. Very generous of him, but also I now expect to see Gulman completely disavowing me on a Charlie Rose interview in to the future.
The shows went really great that night. Made some new fans, sold a bunch of CDs and got a whole 3 1/2 hours sleep before my “You can’t afford conveniently timed flights” 645 am flight out of Minneapolis.
Epilogue – Silent White People
So I arrived back in NYC exhausted, but with no time to waste. I had a guest set at Gotham Comedy Club Sunday night that I was hoping would make a clean tape to submit to a few things. Of course I was nervous – I assume people out for a show during the final two episodes of Breaking Bad do not share my values or sensibilities and I may have been right. I went on stage and the first joke did well, second joke was OK, but a reference to the movie Mask fell flat (even if you have not seen the movie I thought Eric Stoltz’ face was pretty much a cultural reference point for ugliness). Mind you it did not fall flat for sympathy (like a series of “awwwww”s or some other reaction, but just did not register. The third joke was the one that really bothered me. In it I reference the proliferation of movies about rich, white superheroes. If comic books are supposed to be fantasies, why are half the dudes rich white guys? That is how the world works anyway. So the punch line is as follows (the bit is on my 2nd album Diamond Maker):
So why doesn’t DC Comics just go all the way and have their next superhero be Todd The Hedge Fund Douchebag. (silence). He gets his superpowers from high fives and bottle service at clubs (a couple of awww’s and “hey!”s in mild disapproval). Instead of a bat signal, when you need him you just flash a signal in the sky of a high priced escort being choked to death – “Hey bro, the city needs me!” (a few scattered laughs).
The final bit got several laughs with a call back to an earlier bit, but I could not shake the anger I felt to the crowd’s reaction (or lack thereof) to a joke that consistently does well for me. And then I realized – the vast majority of the crowd, which was pretty sizeable for a Sunday night, was white (like 96% +). It felt like a tony Connecticut crowd. And this is one of those things I have realized in my comedy travel. On the road you see a lot of white suburban crowds – including my shows in Minnesota. And I have seen mediocre black comics get what I call the “soul bounce” – which is many all-white crowds tendency to give mediocre black emcees a sort of bonus for being unfamiliar and so “gosh darn entertaining,” solely(soully) because they are black. But at the same time, lack of exposure does not always mean you harbor prejudices or ignorance and I felt that from many of the crowds in St Paul. The flipside is just because you live in a diverse melting pot like NYC does not mean you get a pass on being a sheltered, ignorant ass. And to me, living in Lilydale, MN (the actual location of the Joke Joint and the whitest name of a town in America) and not having a diverse show or group of friends is a lot less weird than living in NYC and self-selecting a group of like-minded, like-looking, like-everything group of friends, because implied in the latter scenario is not a lack off opportunity for diversity in your life, but more likely an outright rejection of diversity in your life. And that is what went through my mind as the crowd offered more sympathy for the poor hedge fund workers I was poking fun at. Half of the bros in the audience probably work in finance and half the women probably are or want to be married into finance so I guess I was reverse soul bounced – when a white looking guy bashes bastions of white privilege in front of a Wonder Bread audience it gets silence. Of course this might be over analysis by me, but I doubt it.
Other than that the set went well and I was greeted by the very funny Mike Vecchione off stage who said “Nice set and really funny shit on-line.” That made me feel good and like a comic’s comic, which Richard Belzer once said meant “that comics like me and I have no money.” I then went home and watched Walter White’s second to last episode and realized that there are worse things than having a so-so set, but then got jealous because those worse things have been made into the best drama on television.
For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday! This week’s episode is a discussion of Breaking Bad, Mariano Rivera and my new album.
Blog
This weekend, the fifth working weekend for me in six weeks, making me feel almost as successful a comedian as Ted Cruz is a presidential candidate, found me in Glens Falls, NY. Interesting thing about Glens Falls, NY – it is where the Class ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ high school basketball championships are held each year. Had my high school basketball team won 1 or 2 more games post season of my senior year we would have played there. Alas, my team sort of sucked (we set a then NYC private school record with 2.5 black players on our team, but unless you are in the 1940s, having half a dozen Jewish kids on your hoops team, especially in the 1990s, is a recipe for mediocrity (insert angry Anti-Defamation league comment about how good the Israeli national team is)), so my trip to Glens Falls would have to wait 19 years. But if this blog post teaches you anything it is that if you work hard, pursue your dream at the expense of social, emotional and financial well-being, you too can complete your high school dream of performing at the Glens Falls Civic Center in upstate NY. #Blessed #Grinding
