road comedy stories Archives

Road Comedy Recap: House of the Mohegan Sun

by J-L Cauvin

Last Thursday I performed for the first time in 11 years at Comix Roadhouse, the comedy club located at Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT. Here is the blog I wrote after my performance in 2013 Despite my optimism I was never booked again at the club until last week. It was a live Making Podcasts Great Again episode and, as always, I delivered a masterpiece. But like so much of my comedy career, the show was only a part of the story. So here we go!

For the trip I had to pack my suit, props and overnight stuff, which was more cumbersome than the usual overnight comedy gig. So with a small bag and a garment bag I lumbered to the 4:43pm NJ transit after a full day of remote legal work and then made the 5:49 train to Valhalla, NY, with only a few minutes to spare, to meet my show co-host, Jay. He picked me up at the train and we made the 2 hour and change ride to Mohegan Sun.

When we got to the casino at 8:50pm I checked in to the hotel with my hips killing me (like most big dogs I am having hip pain as I deteriorate rapidly) and made an incredibly long walk to the Earth tower. I guess it’s called Earth, because it… kept me grounded:

I got to my room, which was nice and proceeded to change into my Navy suit. In addition to being in terrible shape (which as an unintentional method actor, makes for perfect role play as Trump), I also am conscious to commit multiple fashion faux pas as Trump (my Black shoes and belt with my blue suit). As I stared at myself in my numerous hotel room mirrors I had an ever more commonly occurring thought, “what the fu*k am I doing?”

Once I arrived at the club I ordered a chicken fingers and Pepsi backstage because I am a 6’7″ 300 lb child. I put my wig on, ran through some segments with Jay and then went out on stage after our comedian opener was done.

The live Trump shows have really been some of my best work as a comedian and performer

As I discovered in Vegas in March, I am even better doing the Trump show live than I am on the podcast. You will be able to listen to the episode this week and watch it (if you are a Patreon member of the show). We had some fans at the show and many casino attendees just looking for something to do. After the show a woman who was in Trump attire and a huge MAGA fan told me she loved the show (my politics are clear, but some MAGA folk still find the show funny). I then shared a drink and cheesecake with a fan named Bruce (I had a slice of cheesecake and he had a beer) after the show. My fans know that the sad state of my career has a distinct benefit – more attention to individual fans!

I bid Bruce adieu and then went to sleep in the Earth tower at around 1 am. And then at 3 am my TV turned on by itself to the welcome screen. It was so disorienting that I assumed that it was daybreak. But after my old man piss I stumbled back to the bed and looked at the clock and realized I just had horrible luck. Despite the comfort and pitch blackness of the room, the TV must have decided that my diet and stress were not enough to guarantee a heart attack – I need horrible sleep every night as well!

I woke up at 730 the next morning, checked out and had some Starbucks burnt-ass coffee before ordering my Lyft to the New London, CT Amtrak station. We had a pleasant ride for the most part and I learned that 24 hours earlier, my Lyft driver had found out that he had a son he had never known about. Through 23 & me he found out he had a son with a one night stand in California when they were both 16. His son is now in his 30s, was a military veteran, cop and retired MMA fighter, at which point I said, make sure he knows that you had no idea he existed! And also please make sure he doesn’t know I exist because that is an aggressive pro-Trump triple crown.

Eventually I got home at 140pm that day and was greeted by Cookie with the usual smattering of whimpers and tail wags. Unlike 2013, however, despite an even better performance this time, I am guessing this is my Last of the Mohegan. Head to the calendar to get tickets to our NJ and NYC shows this Fall.

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Road Comedy Recap: Larchmont Legend

by J-L Cauvin

This past weekend I found myself performing in a co-work space (is that what they are called?) in Larchmont, New York. The location, I learned when I was booked, is called The Idea Kitchen, which made me think it was a bar or restaurant, a more normal place to perform for comedians. But it turns out that only thing cooking at the Idea Kitchen are ideas! Well, sometimes the strangest places to perform end up being some of the best shows. Was this such a case? Keep reading to find out (*clicks out of blog because more than one paragraph feels like homework*).

Animals and Dogs on Metro North

As I waited for the train from Bloomfield to Manhattan on NJ Transit I noticed that waiting for my train was one of the most attractive women I have ever seen. Imagine if Megan Goode were 5’9″, wearing a Houston Texans jersey tied up Men on Film style, with short jean shorts and a prettier face than Megan Good. If this sounds like fantasy that is why I kept pinching her on the platform to see if I was dreaming (it turns out I am supposed to pinch myself, lesson learned). It is not low self esteem for me to wonder what the hell this woman was doing (and presumably living?) in my town. Perhaps she heard in 2020 that it was a place of entertainment superstars (true), but since 2022 the clout and value of those superstars has plummeted and she can’t yet get out of a long term lease.

When I arrived in Manhattan I made my way to Grand Central for a 6:36pm train to Larchmont. I arrived 25 minutes early and since I had burned at least 100 calories on my walk there I figured I had earned a 690 calorie milkshake and 450 calorie hamburger from Shake Shack. As I finished I walked on to my train to see in my car:

a mother and daughter combo with their bare feet on their seats
a man and woman with their large dog (65+ lbs) on a seat eating dog food off a plate on another seat
a woman with her large dog lying in the aisle (the least offensive but still impeded someone from going into another train car

I sat down and read my book and fortunately only had to shut out two different cell phones blaring mindless content. Of course, just like Michael Jordan needed angry motivation before games, boiling with anger at the lack of manners and decency in society always puts me in the right frame of mind for a comedy show (to my comedically challenged fans – that is sarcasm)

The Idea Kitchen

When I arrived at the Idea Kitchen is when I realized it was a co-working space and not a restaurant. It was basically a full house (I would guess over 50 people) in the area and the show went great. I continued working on my new material, which may be ready to be my 9th stand up album at the end of the year (tentative title: With Fans Like These, Who Needs Euthanasia?). The crowd were great laughers and picked up on almost everything I was putting down. I left shortly after my set because I had to coordinate the right Metro North train so as not to miss the 2nd to last train to my town on NJ Transit. Here’s a quick new bit from the show (others are on my patreon *stop reading, block J-L on all social media*):

Lovely Ladies of Metro North

When I got on my Metro North train I noticed our train had a petite, very cute Latina ticket taker. if there is an indicator that the Biden economy is not working it is hot women taking the train and working on the train. What is this World War 2?! Of course I immediately thought, “how is that woman going to protect herself if an unruly passenger does not want to pay?” I got my answer in the more brash, older Latina woman who was also working the train. The woman who could have been her mother in terms of age difference and similar size, got on the PA system about 10 minutes into the ride and said the following (I am closely paraphrasing): “I want to go through a few of the rules with everyone as we ride. Smoking and vaping are not allowed on this train since forever. Please don’t do it. Be courteous of your fellow travelers. And the seats are not footrests (this is where I got slightly aroused. And by slightly I mean fully). if you can see it, feel it or smell it you have probably stepped in it (bars) and we don’t want that on the seats. Please be courteous and have a great trip.” At this point I realized that my love of trains, manners and Latin women had just gelled on this one soft core porn train ride back to the city. But then my integrity was tested and I failed.

When cute Latina ticket taker took my ticket she went to the woman behind me (I could only hear her) and asked for her ticket. The woman in a “I am usually entitled but I am putting on my most submissive voice” said she had come from a different car and forget to take her ticket marker with her. Now I spotted a lie in her description because I knew she had come from the other side she was claiming. Cute Latina ticket taker was not convinced and had her own sweet voice she threw back at her but accepted her explanation. Meanwhile me listening to this conversation:

When we were close to the city the woman behind me got up and my usual impeccable, integrity-filled disgust at someone trying to sneak a train ride completely dissolved. Rocking a sort of 2015 Demi Lovato haircut and filling out a jumpsuit in a way that I had never seen in person before, I immediately offered to pay her ticket and her rent for the next 6 months. Once again, this was supposed to be something I merely thought and made a joke about, not a literal offer to be made out loud. Lesson learned.

The Way Home

With some time to spare I walked from Grand Central to Penn Station. Feeling both elated from a good show and the vitrual 4some on the train (the older ticket taker would be invited simply because her wit and integrity is always welcome to be in the room, but only as support/personal assistant for cute ticket taker and jumpsuit Lovato) I did what I always do when I am depressed or happy – I got a milkshake.

It has been years since I had a Mr. Softee milkshake and I spotted a truck by the 42nd street library. I ordered a chocolate milkshake and when Mr Softee said “twelve dollars” I instinctively blew on my rape whistle and ran to Penn Station.

I got on the 11:11 train home and was happy for a great night when a man dropped his beer as he fell asleep and some of it splashed my jeans. Did he apologize? Of course not. Did it conveniently mask some of the stains on my pants from earlier train rides? A gentleman of the rails never tells.

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Road Comedy Recap: Berkshires Brilliance

by J-L Cauvin

This past weekend I travelled to West Stockbridge, MA in the Berkshires to perform at The Foundry, a wonderful and intimate (when comedians cannot sell a lot of tickets we use intimate to make it sound like it was a choice) venue. As a distinguished alumnus of Williams College, the most notable landmark in the Berkshires, I expected a hero’s welcome. The Prodigal B Student has returned! Well, this was more like The Good Samaritan, where the people I expected to show up did not, but many people I did not expect to did and made for a really great show. So without further delay, let’s get into it!

Big Comedian, Mini Cooper

I made my way into south Harlem to get a ride with comedian and show producer Kevin Bartini. To kill some time I wandered Frederick Douglass Blvd, just one bi-racial legend crossing literal paths with another. I also noticed a lot more of the people walking the streets had more of a resemblance to Douglass’ father than his mother. If I can paraphrase the great Gary Gulman, “There’s Malcolm X Blvd, I live more int he Malcom Gladwell section of Harlem, but not the Malcolm in the Middle section.”

I met Kevin at his apartment and he pointed me to a Mini Cooper. When I saw the car I assumed Kevin would sit in there and a horse trailer would be coming for me to load myself into. But alas, it did not arrive so I folded myself and my bad knees and my increasingly bad hips for the 2.5 hour drive to West Stockbridge.

We Sold Tickets? We Sold Tickets!

When we arrived at The Foundry (which based on its regal name and its small capacity feels like a perfect place for me to record a special – I began my path to humor as the joker on the Williams College basketball team (not joker as in Jokic, but joker as in makes lots of (too many) jokes) and perhaps it could end in The Berkshires as well. At the front desk we realized we were going to easily clear 50 tickets sold (this may not seem impressive, but we were at 4 tickets sold five days earlier). The one thing I have experienced trying to transition from middle act to headliner (I have always identified as a headliner, but over the last few years, thankfully, I have been able to express my comedian identity and live my low-ticket-selling-truth) is that for most shows, because most of my fans stink and my good fans are procrastinators, I am stressed on ticket sales instead of mentally prepping for my set for most shows. It is really taking a lot of the enjoyment out of it for me, but that is the important “business” in showbusiness.

Kevin opened the show and was followed by a regional radio personality Steve Nagle and both set the table wonderfully. I then took the stage and had a great time. Working about 75% new material, so much worked, the crowd was great (it skewed older, but I am realizing that just like with porn, I am starting to really warm up to the 60 and older crowd) and I was feeling that dangerous thing that has teased and tortured me throughout my almost 21 years doing stand-up comedy: hope. I sold a decent amount of merch after and just felt good. But the Lord giveth and he taketh away.

New Jersey Transit Can Ruin Anything

We got back in Kevin’s Mini Cooper and made our way to NY Penn Station for my train back to NJ. I figured I would get the 1:19am, which is the last train to my town on a Saturday (or first Sunday technically), but as Kevin made good time, I realized the 12:34am train was in play. I have enjoyed the extra money, extra space and extra quiet in my move from NYC to NJ. But living your life at the whim of NJ transit is not a good way to live. It is the worst. Metro North and LIRR are Uber Black compared to NJ transit in terms of service. And here is where the great day, or technically it is the next day, gets ruined.

Kevin dropped me off with 7 minutes to spare. A homeless man in a wheelchair asked me to buy him something from a food truck. I walked a few steps away and then my guilty conscience, which almost never shuts off, said “give him some money.” I handed him a $5 and he then began to ask me if I could get him something from the truck. I felt bad, but told him I was sorry and had to run. Hopefully someone facilitated the purchase.

When I got to Penn Station every 8th avenue entrance was closed (of course, why should I be able to get my train at the train station) so I power walked (bad hips and knees) to 7th avenue and got in with 2 minutes to spare to see a huge crowd of people waiting for trains. Of course the trains were all delayed. In fact, the 12:34 never arrived and I got a 1:01am train to Newark to then get a Lyft back to my town. And while waiting for that 1:01 train I saw thousands of Morgan Wallen fans arrive (his audience appears to be 17-20 year old white trash for whom (who or whom? Can never figure that one out) the N word is not a deal breaker in 2024) in Penn Station. Why do I mention that? Because a lot of Morgan Wallen fans then turned right around to get on trains back to NJ because they are as dumb as you might imagine.

i arrived home at 2am to be greeted by an ecstatic Cookie and could only sleep 5 hours before going to early Mass and a book event at a Manhattan Holocaust Museum, which was still uplifting compared to NJ Transit.

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Speakerphone: The Sound of a Failed Society

by J-L Cauvin

I can admit that I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to cell phone etiquette, if cell phones are even old enough to have an old-fashioned division. I think a phone should be on silent or vibrate. I think if you watch shows or listen to music on your phone you should use headphones. And phone conversations in public should be like abortion for Democrats in the 90s: safe, legal and rare. I know… real Puritanical shit on my part. But as the smart phone midwifes society to engage and augment humanity’s worst impulses, I have noticed the speakerphone conversation becoming almost ubiquitous (not that everyone does it, but that at least one person will always be doing it no matter where you are). While I wallow in my post concert come down (last night was Bruce Springsteen in Vegas – no more details until the April 4th Rain on Your Parade podcast) I thought why not write this week about the most recent bane of my existence.

Many of us remember Nextel’s walkie talkie function, which allowed attention and cashed starved teens to engage in loud, public conversations with the added pleasure of walkie talkie beeps. But speakerphone, like so much tech, used to be something to enhance productivity (and the great sin of modern life – convenience). It would allow you to do something manual while also having a phone conversation (someone with what Mike Pence would call “broad shoulders” could always rest the phone in between your head and shoulder, but speakerphone was much more comfortable).

But as cell phones became more and more common we found new ways to be discourteous. I did an entire episode of Rain on Your Parade about smartphones, but regretted afterwards not even bringing up speakerphone. Walking and texting, ADD, using phones during movies, not silencing phones during theater, diminishing people’s abilities to have conversation or eye contact – the jury is in and smart phones are a net negative for humanity, aided in part by a generation of ruthless, manipulative billion dollar companies. But speakerphone? That’s on us.

A switch was clearly flipped during the rise of the smart phone. Rarely anyone, save the Radio Raheems of the world, listened to music out loud in public on their personal devices. Headphones and the more recent advance of wireless earbuds make it clear how you are supposed to listen to music in public. But perhaps with that advent of Tik Tok and streamers, people view their phones more like their TVs or computers and don’t instinctively reach for ear buds. I am sorry – let me correct that – stupid, fu*king, rude people view them that way. But J-L, it feels like you are calling a sizeable part of the population “stupid, fu*king rude”? Yes. Yes I am.

The inspiration for this post came yesterday as I took a Greyhound bus from Los Angeles to Las Vegas. The bus driver made an explicit message at the beginning of the ride that phones should be used silently for the convenience of the passengers. I looked around and realized that I, in fact, was included among these “passengers” whose convenience was being protected. What occurred was a level of diversity that would make the most hard core progressive’s heart swell with pride and a rudeness display that made this less hard core progressive want to steer the bus into oncoming traffic.

First was the Latin couple who had a series of incredibly loud speaker phone conversations (when their stripper daughter picked them up at the bus station I felt a swell of forgiveness for them). I’d say it was a total of about 50 minutes. I had Beats noise cancelling headphones on (I gave up on reading on the ride due to the noise) and yet Beats has clearly never tested their merchandise on a crowded Greyhound bus.

The real MVP of the trip was the Black woman behind me who, after we left Barstow, California, proceeded to have a 2 hour loud, vulgarity and homophobia-laced conversation on speakerphone. If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you can hear a short and full version of some of the audio I was able to capture, under the guise of recording video of America’s beautiful landscapes.

When I left Barstow the signs were all there that the ride was about to get a lot worse

And perhaps in the spirit of When in Rome, or in a more spiteful, MAGA-esque “why do the minorities get to have all the stuff?!” an elderly white woman got on a speakerphone conversation towards the end of the ride for 15 minutes. Now full disclosure, my mom is an 80 year old white woman with diminished hearing and this is how she prefers to use her cell phone. Now, based on both my sympathies for older people and the fact that they make up a majority of my fans based on YouTube algorithms, I often carve out exceptions for them with issues related to tech. But today is not that day. My Mom often says “I hate this thing” of her cell phone. Well to the Moms and Grandmothers of the world I say put your money where your hate is – no more speakerphone in public.

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Road Comedy Recap: The King of Princeton

by J-L Cauvin

This weekend I returned to Catch A Rising Star in Princeton, New Jersey for a pair of shows. It has been far too long since I did a road recap blog, but there have been good reasons why I have not written a road recap blog in a while. The first is that I did not have as many gigs as I would like. The second is most of my fans seem to detest reading. The third is I did not want to. But other than those three small impediments, I was pumped to write! And now, with part of my New Year’s Resolutions was to resume blogging once a week, here we are!

Friday was a surprise sell out (usually Saturdays sell out but Fridays can be a tough draw) and the crowd was superb (good laughers, hecklers that were brought to heel easily, and big merch purchasers). After the show I rewarded myself with a Haagen Dazs ice cream bar and a smart water (better known as “the gentleman’s threesome”) and fell asleep. Here’s a fun clip from the Friday show:

I woke up Saturday with a full day ahead of me in Princeton, but I opted to catch up on a lot of writing that I needed to do (these brilliant, lightly-viewed sketches do not write themselves folks!). So I was holed up in my room in the Hyatt and managed to write so much I had no time left for the gym (nothing like avoiding something to make me productive). I did make it out for a brief meal at PF Chang’s, where I received the most J-L on brand fortune cookie of all time:

It’s good to know that my 20 years doing stand-up will pay off somewhere

The show Saturday night was a sell out as well, but the crowd had a few more annoying people in it than Friday And though they did not buy merch, several people expressed their disappointment that my merch cost $20 (one guy said “Hey I gotta be honest.” Really? I mean you can offer me your unsolicited opinion, but I don’t think you were subpoenaed. You always had the option of saying nothing. And with the prices of hats right now, I am not sure $20 is the sticker shock for the rest of the country (or the show 24 hours earlier) that it was for the trolls on Saturday.

Despite having a hotel provided for another night I went to the Princeton NJ transit station to go home that night. I Shortly before midnight I was greeted by my dog Cookie with whimpers and spins because my 30 hour absence felt like a month to her.

Tell your friends in the Tampa, FL area that I am headed their way! Because what comedy fan wouldn’t want to be part of comedy blog history?

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Road Comedy Recap: New England, Old Problems

by J-L Cauvin

This past weekend I made my way to New England for shows in Boston, MA and Fairfield, CT. The gigs featured trademarks of J-L Cauvin comedy shows: A+ material, small crowds, meager profits and travel discomfort. I cannot think of any other witty things to put in this intro so let’s just get into it!

Boston

I made my way to Boston on the Acela, the northeast Amtrak line that gets you to Boston 20 minutes faster for only $8000 more. Unfortunately and unexpectedly, the seats on the Acela were uncomfortable for me due to my never-ending recovery from shoulder surgeries. The only comfort I had for most of the trip was the knowledge that I was not traveling with the poors. But then I noticed the man sitting adjacent from me was watching season six of Billions. As you should know, if you are reading my blog, which you are if you are reading this, I was in episode 5 of season 6 of Billions and I realized that this man was on episode 3 of the season. With 3 hours until Boston I realized he would get into my episode if he continued watching. Well, after taking a break in the snack car, I returned to my seat to see him in episode 5. I got out my phone (what is a better photo than taking a picture of someone watching your show while you sit behind them?) and was prepared to tap him on the shoulder when I appeared on screen and say, “THAT’S ME!” in the worst Make-A-Wish ever. And then, with less than 5 minutes before my first scene, he closed his tablet because he was getting off at the Rt 128 stop, a stop about 20 minutes before downtown Boston. Classic J-L Jinx.

The man on the train missed out on this and other moments!

Before going to City Winery I checked into the hotel, the Boston Wharf Hotel. My friend and opener for the night, Joe Pontillo was arriving later, but given the weather I changed my hotel from a (Tall) King bed to a Yassss Two Queen beds room. When he arrived I learned the first of many sad truths about the Boston Wharf Hotel, a hotel that looked like a million bucks and delivered 5 dollar service. $50 parking for the night!? I asked if that came with a hooker/sex worker/vaginal entrepreneur and they said no.

Joe and I made it to the venue around 6:15 and with no one helping us get the car into the parking lot I made my way into the venue and asked for help. They told me I could go to the parking lot and buzz him in. I went into the parking lot and no one answered the buzzer. Then some turd kicked the door stop, which left me in a cold parking lot unable to get Joe’s car into the lot and unable to get back into the venue. It felt like I was rebooting Spinal Tap into a depressing 10 minute drama. Nothing makes you feel like a headliner than being your own, inept parking attendant. But then, in a Shining like experience, an older Black man opened the door and let me back in (he must have sensed my despair). Once someone let Joe in we both ate some delicious pre-show salmon (my reminder that it was a Friday during Lent guilted Joe into ordering the same) and took some photos in the room posing as our green room. Then Jocelyn, our great handler (she was guiding the ship on my last trip to Boston as well) said they wanted to delay the start of the show because a lot of ticket purchasers had not yet showed up. Some little inside industry info – when a show has to start late because of lack of audience, that is not a great thing. But then a bunch of people actually started filing in and I felt temporary relief.

The show went really well (for the unvarnished truth listen to this week’s Righteous Pk Podcast) and I met several people who had come to the show just looking for comedy and thought I was great (in my years long struggle to woo comedy fans and not just bored people who like impressions, gaining people who only know me for stand up is a Godsend). After the show Joe, my college friend Duane and I went to a nice Italian restaurant for some drinks and bites and then left to go back to the hotel. And like a movie that you think is about to end, but then goes on for an hour more, the Boston Wharf Hotel front desk and valet now had their time to shine. I don’t want to bore you with the details, but at 1115 pm at a luxury looking hotel, with no other customers at the front desk and no other cars seeking valet service, 40 minutes is a long time to have to wait.

In the morning, Joe and I made our way home with a stop in a Connecticut IHOP for a breakfast where Joe marveled at the speed with which I inhale 5 pancakes, 4 sausage links (insert Mike Pence running gif here) and a partridge and a pear tree.

Fairfield

After a restful Saturday it was time to perform in Fairfield. Having not seen my Mom in a few weeks I met my Mom in midtown before catching a Metro North to Fairfield. We went to Shake Shack, at which point she handed me a stack of money to take a cab home to NJ… from Fairfield. “There’s a lot of shit going on in the subways,” my Mom told me at which point, her 6’7″ son with money and anger issues channeled Walter White said, “On the subway, I am the shit!” Like so many of the people hearing my jokes, my Mom did not get the reference. After Shake Shack I made my way to a packed train (I wish John Wick existed and the only people he went after were people who put their feet on train seats and people who listen to music and videos on their phones in public spaces without headphones). We arrived at the station at 7pm and it was literally 50 steps from the theater.

The small theater was great and the theater said they could tape our sets on their brand new, state of the art video system. I had brought my camera, but when I saw their set up I said I definitely wanted them to video tape on their system. We had 25 audience members, but at least half of them appeared to be actual fans or friends of mine (thank you!) and my pay was not contingent on ticket sales, so no pressure! I ended up having an outstanding set with all new material for my next hour and a lot of good ad libs. And just to be safe, 15 minutes before my set I went to the video guy and confirmed that he was recording the sets. You know where this is going…

On the train back at 1015 pm (a 90 minute train ride sitting next to a mother-daughter combo listening to loud music on one phone for the entire ride – teaching the next generation to be inconsiderate assholes warms the heart) I got a text from the show producer saying, “You are really jinxed – the theater forgot to turn on the video recording system). At this point I spiritually gave up on my comedy career. It is not the big things that break you folks – I am still performing and keeping up hope for my special(s), despite 501 days and counting of abject despair. But when pressing record proves too big a lift for a show? – that is the stuff that breaks me. I eventually made it home (only had to take a cab home from Newark, so “unnecessary cash from Mom” proves to once again be one of the most profitable sources of money in my stand-up comedy career – $120 profit on cab money from Mom compared to $170 profit on gig in Boston, which was a lower profit margin than my opener Joe).

Thanks to everyone who came to the shows, but more importantly, thank you to everyone who did not. In the words of George W. Bush after a different tragedy, “I hear you!”

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Road Comedy Recap: Destroying York and Nyack

by J-L Cauvin

I am sitting in my old midtown Starbucks writing this in between another day at the law firm and before getting a haircut at my old barber shop before heading downtown to do a show at a restaurant for no money before returning to NJ for the night. So if you thought anything in my career or life had changed, it seems it has: I have a much longer commute home.

This blog is delayed by about 3 days because I was sick on Sunday, the Lord’s blogging day, and could not hammer this out. And then I had a busy week of podcasting and day jobbing and insomnia-ing. So this brief moment in between work, chores and unpaid comedy is when I can recount for you the absolute comedic destruction I delivered on Friday and Saturday. At this point, my comedy career feels like Neon in Blue Chips if Nick Nolte (and no one else) had ever discovered him in a small gym in “ALGIERS?!” He’d still be giving people work, but spending the rest of his days in business casual attire looming over a bunch of co-workers. So let’s get to it before this Starbucks closes…

Friday in York – Jean Betterman

I was picked up by friend and comedian Chris Lamberth from my apartment Friday afternoon for our journey to York, PA. We discusses movies and comedy for three hours and then got to our hotel. It was not a Hampton Inn so I cannot mention it as I try to preserve my potential future as a Hampton Inn spokesman (they get a solid shout out on my seemingly never to be released special Half Blackface, for which there will be a live memorial service on Sunday with my Patreon – if you want a ton of exclusive sketch videos, podcasts and more from me for very cheap you can join – just kidding! If you are a #fan of mine reading this, the last thing you want is to pay me for comedy). We then went to the Appell Center for the Arts in downtown York, and to my surprise the show was a sell out (I think lots of people just go to whatever is in town, but I did have plenty of fans there as well).

Daphne London led off the show with some funny musical comedy and then Chris did his thing from the middle spot. And then I killed it. There’s really nothing left to share. I had a set that was so strong with 80% new material since the two tapings of Half Blackface that I wish I had recorded it on high quality video and then thrown it out just to replicate the feeling from my greatest set ever in October 2021. I felt great after, sold a bunch of albums and then went to Iron Horse York for a post show meal celebrating my triumph. I ate a delicious piece of cake and went to sleep.

Saturday – Raising Money for Democrats in Nyack

Chris and I left York at 730 the next morning (or thereabouts) and made it an hour or so before stopping at an IHOP. After crushing that we went all the way back to NJ. But it was a quick turnaround for me because I had to go to Nyack to headline a small fundraiser for Democrats in Clarkstown, NY. Because NJ transit is dumb, here was how I had to go:

5:05 train to NY Penn Station
Walk to Grand Central
Get the 6:45 express Metro North to Tarrytown
Take a Lyft across the Mario Cuomo (birth name Tappan Zee before it wanted to play boys’ sports) Bridge to the venue in Nyack

But J-L, why don’t you get a car? BECAUSE I AM NOT AN ENVIRONMENT DESTROYING LAZY PIECE OF SHIT. I LIVE NEAR THE TRAIN AND BUS AND FOR THE 2-3 DAYS A MONTH WHERE A CAR WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE IT IS NOT WORTH THE INSURANCE, PARKING AND COSTS OF MANUFACTURING! PERHAPS IF MORE AMERICANS WOULD STOP LIVING IN NAVEL GAZING BUBBLES WHERE THEY BELIEVE THEIR ACTIONS HAVE NO CONSEQUENCES AND THEIR CONVENIENCE IS NOT ALWAYS WHAT IS BEST FOR THE WORLD THEY MIGHT STOP BITCHING ABOUT GAS PRICES AND TAKE PUBLIC TRANSIT OR WALK INSTEAD OF BEING A BUNCH OF FAT FUCKS ASKING ME WHY I DONT JOINT THE CARBON PARADE!

When I got there I finished mapping out my set in the green room and then proceeded to do an entire set of political material and impressions, about 2/3 of which I had written that day. It went over very well. Here is a clip:

I then mingled with people after, ate a brownie (an actual brownie, not a mini girl scout – I only respect Armie Hammer, I am not actually him) and then Pete Dominick, the comedian who organized the event, drove me to the Tarrytown Metro North at barely safe speeds allowing me to make the train back to the city by a minute. I then walked from Grand Central back to Penn Station in time to get a 12:20am to Newark, from where I procured a Lyft to take me home. When I arrived I ate a pint of ice cream while watching SNL. I fell asleep and when I woke 5 hours later I had such a bad sore throat that I was gagging on my phlegm and thought for about 10 minutes I might die (when my life flashed before my needlessly paranoid eyes – my two thoughts were that my special really was going to come out after I was dead and that my girlfriend and dog would be upset discovering my body, primarily because of how difficult it would be to move). For more on that fun experience – check out my podcast this week – just kidding, if you are a #fan I know you won’t!

Next road gigs? PRINCETON, NJ the end of the month!

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Road Comedy Recap: Best 12 Hour Stretch of My…

by J-L Cauvin

This weekend I was booked almost last minute to headline McGuire’s Comedy Club in Bohemia ON Long Island (I was told after the show not to say I am “in” Long Island). Now whereas Long Island’s politics range from Trump to Don Jr in the towns I have played, the closer you get to the Atlantic Ocean the more those Trump politics become more Ginni Thomas and Marjorie Taylor Greene. But with the re-shoot of my special a little over a month away, a decent check for a one show gig and nothing else on my schedule I said I would take it (my first time at this club). It ended up being a great show for reasons I will detail and the great show was merely the opening act for other great news Saturday would bring. So without further adieu!

The Bookshelf

My day actually began with a trip to Riverdale in the Bronx to pick up a bookshelf from my Mom’s apartment. (The Bookshelf also sounds like an awful A24 film that would be nominated for 4 Oscars). I have exceeded my bookshelf capacity in my apartment (NERD) so I asked if I could I could take one of my Mom’s which would fit my needs and match with my dog Cookie’s color scheme. So I took a 9:55am bus from Bloomfield to Port Authority Bus Terminal to the A train to 168th street, transferred to the 1 train, got off at 231st street greeted by a 3 minute rain/hail storm (seriously the 3 minutes couldn’t have happened during the preceding 100 minutes I was inside transportation?) and then the Bx10 bus to my Mom’s apartment (a/k/a my childhood home).

I hung out with my Mom for a couple of hours, during which she asked why I did not shave if I had a show, at which point I told her 4 days of Islamic teen stubble on my face (the closest I can really get to a beard) would be the least of my worries performing for the OAN fan club. Then the guy with a truck I hired to move the book shelf arrived. We put it in his truck, which he delivered to Bloomfield, NJ and I made my way back to the A train to catch a 4:24 train to Oakdale, Long Island.

Long Island Dominance

Both legs of my Long Island RR trip were not very crowded, but on each train I managed to have mask-less MAGA dudes sitting next to me, one of whom apparently though that even covering your mouth when you cough or sneeze was too much of a concession to the woke mob. When I arrived in Oakdale I ventured into a Dunkin Donuts to kill time before ordering my Lyft to the club, which was approximately 4 miles away.

When I went into the Dunkin Donuts a woman was talking to the clerk as if she knew him (like the mother of a friend type dynamic, which is also how a lot of porn starts) and she said “How’s school going?” to which he replied, “Well I am actually not enrolled this semester because of the booster requirement.” Now before I became fully aroused with erotic patriotism for this American hero, I thought “if the choice was between a degree and donuts, maybe you should have gotten the shot? And if it was the booster you had a problem with, does that mean you already got the first 1 or 2 shots?” Well, after drinking my coffee and saluting this icon I hopped into a Lyft to the club.

When I arrived at the club I saw that it was pretty packed (Free Ticket Energy) and I gave my intro to the manager. I decided Howard Stern and Billions would be well known and helpful credits when performing in front of Newsmax Plus and the manager immediately deflated me when he came back to me and said “Now Howard Stern is a radio show? And – ohh Billions is a TV show!” And yes, my name was wrecked at the top of the show as well giving me the triple crown of “Who gives a sh*t who the headliner is” vibes. Everyone was very nice though so I sort of didn’t give a sh*t either.

After the emcee and feature both got the crowd going I went up and had one of the best sets of my life. I don’t mean it was the funniest I’d ever been or it was the tightest set I’d ever had. But over the course of an hour, while never ceding any ground or trying to run from the fact that I am a Biden-voting Democrat that thinks the Trump family is a huge pile of excrement, I won them over big time. Like Johnny Lawrence handing Daniel the trophy at the end of Karate Kid level respect. I got big laughs, a few harmless heckles, zero slaps and fairly robust merch sales after the show. I also had a discussion that probably turned into a podcast with a group of hard core MAGA dudes that loved my set. And one of the keys to my success, which I loathe to give away, is that I have come up with the perfect way to untighten right wing crowds when they hear stuff they don’t like (which was like 4 times during my set). By the end of the show I felt like I had gone into an opposing team’s stadium and dropped 45 on them (points, not Trump hats). Even better analogy, I felt like Rocky in Rocky IV in Russia (and not just because half of the crowd probably supports Putin) as the crowd realizes that what they are watching from the Italian (looking) guy is undeniable.

UpLyft for the Soul

So after a show that went great and the fact that my next possible train out of Oakdale was in an hour, I decided to check the Lyft app and saw that a car from the Atlantic Ocean back to Bloomfield, NJ was only $108. It would also get me home before the beginning of SNL. So I said – “fu*k it – I am treating myself after this perfect day of book shelf moving and comedy crushing.” My driver arrived, a young, eager to please Indian (I believe) fellow. He accepted the ride, but seemed sort of nervous about going what would be a very long drive. I assured him I would give him a big tip. At that point he pulled over to a rest stop and I had to tell him I meant money.

So as he drove at a fast, but still controlled speed I could see that he was on pace to get me home in 70 minutes instead of the estimated 90. So with 30 minutes left in the ride I asked my Twitter followers to Venmo me money for the driver and I would add their money to my $50 tip. Well when we got to my building at 11:08pm I gave him $50 tip on the app (the max it would allow which seems stupid) and $141 in cash representing the donations from fans. He was very grateful and I thought, what a great end to the night. Little did I know it would get even better

From Bookshelf to Booker

When I got upstairs to my apartment, I looked on my phone and saw that a video I had posted earlier of me impersonating NJ Senator Cory Booker had been retweeted… by Senator Cory Booker! So the video has been blowing up for the last day (I just added an Eric Adams video to Twitter and YouTube). And as the cherry on top of an absolutely perfect 14 hour run, I did not think SNL sucked!

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Road Comedy Recap: Utahpia

by J-L Cauvin

I am writing this last installment from a 4 hour delayed Amtrak to Pittsburgh. I was supposed to be off of this train 3 hours ago, but engine troubles in Chicago and freight traffic derailed that plan. Because of the extensive delay, my connecting train from Pittsburgh to Newark has already left the station so a bus in Pittsburgh will take me to my final destination of New Jersey. I have often compared my comedy career to a horror movie – when you think victory has been secured, THAT is when the villain arises from behind and slits your throat. The final leg of my “Paid Vacation Tour” (as I joked with the crowd in Utah – better for your mental health to say “I got paid for comedy while on vacation” than “my comedy gigs keep losing me money.” So here is the Utah/journey home finale of the early 2022 road recap series.

Wednesday: Road Warrior to See the Jazz Beat the Warriors

The girlfriend (Laura) and I left Vegas early on Wednesday morning to make our way to Salt Lake City for the Jazz-Warriors game. Since I have been behind the wheel twice in the last 21 years all the driving would be the responsibility of Laura. Averaging 90mph for 6 hours we arrived in Salt Lake City shortly after 4pm. But not before stopping for gas and a nature photo in Provo

God’s work. And also a beautiful mountain landscape.

The game that night started poorly with a 13-0 Golden State run, but for most of the game after that the Jazz kicked their ass. That made my career record 2-0 when attending Jazz games in person in Utah. Might be time for a key to the city. As a bonus, I was invited on for an hour with the local ESPN radio affiliate to talk comedy and the Utah Jazz on Friday’s show. Of course, in classic J-L form – that appearance would be a day after my Thursday show in Jordan, Utah so it only counted as promotion for Utah people with time machines.

a friend caught me on ESPN during Wednesday’s telecast

Thursdays Were The Best Days

Thursday started with a nice breakfast at the Homewood Suites we were staying in and then it was time for my (now legendary) visit to the Utah Jazz team store. I ended up spending $666 on merch (the mark of the hype beast?), but more importantly I made my first real goofy tik tok that people seemed to enjoy. Since the store was empty at 1130 am except for employees (who, like everyone we encountered from Utah, were incredibly nice) I had free reign to film various video clips, which I stitched together into a Pretty Woman parody.

After the shopping spree we toured some of the LDS sights downtown and then met a longtime Twitter friend (Spencer Hall – a big Jazz blogger I began following like 12 years ago who looks like a boy band Tim Tebow and also, as I would learn, is some kind of connected dude in Salt Lake City) for dinner. Here is a pic of us in front of a giant Jazz mural that he and his lady brought us to.

Then we headed to Jordan Landing for the show at Wiseguys. I will be putting out a 21 minute video on my YouTube later this week called The Utah Jazz Mini Special. About 15 minutes of the set is Utah Jazz material and a new bit about Mormon history that I learned on our tour of the LDS sights referenced above. The show was a home run and thanks to the crowds in Chicago, LA and Utah I sold out of the merch I brought with me. A truly great night until I got back to our hotel and Laura asked “Where is your jacket?” See, when you are so hot on stage you can literally heat yourself and not realized you don’t have a coat until an hour later, despite Utah temperatures. But the next morning, on his way to his day job, the Wiseguys manager that night, Jose, brought me my coat to the Homewood Suites. Like I said, super nice people.

Friday – The Streak Continues

On Friday, after a poor night of sleep because I was coming to grips with the fact that I would have to re-shoot my comedy special (listen to this week’s Righteous Pk podcast for some laughs and despair), I made my way to the local ESPN radio affiliate for an hour on air. It was a great time talking comedy and some hoops with Spencer Checketts before heading to the Toyota Club of the Vivnt Arena at 530 for the complimentary buffet/banquet before the game (when you buy 8th row center court seats you get some perks… like sitting next to 10 year olds with rich parents). The Jazz won the game, running my streak to 3 wins while attending Jazz home games (definitely deserve key to the city).

We then went back to the hotel to sleep because I had a 3:30 am train out of Salt Lake City Saturday.

Planes, Trains and What the fu*k is Happening?

I got my train at 3:30 and settled in for an additional 2 hours of sleep. Laura, who was flying home, would end up having a 10 hour delay in her departure, turning a noon flight into a red eye. During her trials and tribulations I would end up having the most beautiful train ride of my life in the Colorado portion of the trip (just like Kansas was the state to sleep through on the way to LA, Nebraska earned that designation on the California Zephyr route to Chicago.

No filter view from my train room in Colorado.

When I arrived in Chicago is when everything went to shit. No need to bore you with the details, but I am still not in Pittsburgh and my dog Cookie puked this morning, which means one thing: it is time for me to be home already. Thanks for reading – I hope you enjoyed this three week odyssey (remember to subscribe to my YouTube and Instagram for all of my travel photos and sketches- and lastly – tune into Billions on Sunday the 20th for my cable drama debut.

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Road Comedy Recap: Los Angeles Domination

by J-L Cauvin

I am sitting in the living room of my buddy Nick’s apartment in Pasadena as my laundry finishes drying and I gear up for the final leg of the J-L “Who The Fu*k Books Your Gigs?” 2022 Tour. I leave tomorrow on Greyhound for Las Vegas where I will attempt to quickly gamble away all the money I have made on this run of shows so far and then will go see David Copperfield to see if he can make an agent appear for me (I hear he is great, but I don’t think he’s that great). Then on Thursday it is off to Salt Lake City for Jazz vs Warriors on Wednesday, J-L Vs Audiences (Thursday at WiseGuys) and Jazz vs Magic on Friday. But this blog is not about where I am going, but where I have been so lets run through the Los Angeles adventures now!

Con Bus

On Thursday I made my way back to Los Angeles from a successful and fun night in San Jose at the Improv. I arrived at the bus/train station to get my Amtrak bus (yes, you read the correctly) to San Luis Obispo to catch the Pacific Surfliner back to LA. A friend had said I could get on his show at the Hollywood Improv if I got there by 11 and my train was scheduled to arrive at Union Station in LA at 955pm. But first I would have to survive the bus ride portion to San Luis Obispo.

Apparently three guys, just released from prison, were dropped off in San Jose to make their way down to LA. As I would learn on the bus ride down, one had done 6.5 years for meth and assault, one had done 15 months for something and one guy, who just wanted to be left alone from the hyper rants of meth/assault guy simply said at one point, “I don’t steal; I kill” (the philosophy behind my stand up comedy, and also made me feel safe leaving my belongings on the bus during a rest stop). Halfway through the bus ride, 15 months came up to me and said, “Hello sir, we have a bet back there – are you a cop?” I said no, because it is true, but I also would have said no if I was until backup arrived.

I got to SLO safe and then hopped on the Pacific Surfliner. I was the only one in business class… which was two of the train cars. I felt like a real VIP. It is an absolutely gorgeous trip, especially since at this time of year, the train runs along the Pacific for about 90 minutes right at sundown.

No filter. More of these photos on my IG (@JLCauvin)

Warm Up Shows and Magic

Nick picked me up at Union Station and we made our way to the Hollywood Improv. When we arrived there happened to be a parking spot right in front and as we emerged from the car I could feel that collective “who are they? Should we know them?” turns from the crowd waiting to get in. I saw a large crowd outside and thought, “Wow, my name really carries some weight” until I was told that Kevin Hart, star of credit card commercials, was in the main room. I would be performing in the lab, the nice side room of the Improv. Eventually I went on in front of a small, but nice audience and got some good jokes in, though I felt that mocking Joe Rogan made them a little uncomfortable (“what if one day he wants to make me a star???”).

During the days I hit the gym just to let these L.A. types know that just because I am smarter and more talented than them, doesn’t mean I am willing to cede the ground of superficial bullsh*t either bro!

On Friday night I went to see Nick perform magic at the renowned Magic Castle. I felt a lot of pride watching Nick do his thing because for a long time he had mentioned the Comedy Castle, but I did not know what it was and simply kept saying “next trip.” But my last time in LA he explained that it was an exclusive, well known club where great magicians work and I said, “well next time I will come!” That was in 2016, so a little longer than expected to make my Magic Castle debut, but I did and saw him work his skills and crack people up. I think I felt pride, but it might have been the strong, complimentary drinks Nick was serving. Either way, good times!

Later that night we went to a place on Melrose for a stand up show run by comedian Matt Taylor, someone I knew from way back in NYC in my early days as a comedian before Matt moved to LA (second NY comedy transplant named Matt to put me up – another Matt friend (Ritter) ran the the Thursday show. I went up last on the show and murdered the fu*k out of that room. Great crowd, greater comedian (working memoir title).

Sunday Stress-day

On Saturday I had my first L.A. power lunch with a columnist from The Hollywood Reporter at the SoHo House (He could not attend Sunday’s show so unlike my usual fans who do nothing to make up for their neglect, he took me to a swanky ass restaurant to talk about the most baffling thing in all of comedy: my career.). After another night at the Magic Castle on Saturday night, I woke up and made my way to the closest English-speaking Catholic Church near Nick. When I went up to receive the Eucharist I did something I have never done in my 35 years as a Body of Christ receiver: I dropped it. As a giant stranger in a Church full of diminutive Latino people and few white holdovers I felt looks of people that said “what demon-monster has entered our sanctuary?” I got another wafer and then made my way out of Church. To make up for my violation of the Body of Christ I went back to the South Pas gym to work on the Body of Cauvin.

For dinner I met a friend/associate who had worked on a few things with me over the pandemic. We ate some BBQ down the block from Flappers and then I walked the fateful 2 blocks to Flappers where I would perform. My heart was racing and I had the chills. It is probably not good for me that I always make shows into life and death events, but the silver lining is that usually helps me deliver good performances. And on that note…

The show was an absolute masterpiece (seriously – I know it’s douchey to say that I guess, but it really was). The fans coming out were phenomenal and as a special treat I was finally able to consummate my pandemic Twitter friendship with Richard Marx with a hug and profuse thanks for his generous support of my Internet nonsense the last couple of years. For those of you who are fans and still reading this, if you listen to the last 2 (short) episodes of Righteous Pk Podcast you will hear that there were some unforeseen technical issues with Half Blackface (my special filmed in October in one miracle take) so delivering an A+ show was necessary for my ego and mindset, if for no other reason.

So now that my laundry is done it is time to pack up for my bus to Vegas tomorrow. Thank you everyone who came out to see me. You are the best part of this business! As proof, for everyone who said I never smiled in my LA photos (hard with this Sun in my face!) here’s a pic of me and Batman after Sunday’s show

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