Steroids in Baseball! What about Steroids in Rap?

Quick update on my CD sales. I am already 999,983 from going platinum. Let’s make it happen people.

I am a big sports fan. But I am tired of the discussion of steroids. Just go read Game of Shadows and you will see that half of professional sports is on some sort of undetectable steroid (track and field is probably the only sport dirtier than baseball, which is a pity because no one even gives a shit about track and even fewer care about field).

And I hate it when people make it like the hatred of Barry Bonds is about race. The hatred of Hank Aaron was all about race. Of all people I am privy to still existent racism (track 20 of Racial Chameleon), but to suggest that people are mad at Barry Bonds for anything other than his new bobble head and the fact that he is a royal prick (he dumped his white girlfriend of several years because he needed to marry a black woman for his image (he said it, not me) – who’s racist?). Until recently, no one gave Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa any gruff because they made it fun. They demonstrated that steroids can bring out the best in us. They were like the steroid super heroes. While the same vat of radioactive steroids also affected bad people, like Barry Bonds and he became a steroid super villain, with guys like Jason Giambi being the guys who can’t decide what side of the steroid war they want to be on, like Pyro in X-Men 2. Meanwhile Jose Canseco showed that steroids can destroy weights and the English language in his crapoir “Juiced.”

But after all of this I am tired of the discussion. Barry Bonds is a great player. He is also a piece of crap. And he is a lot better because of steroids. But no one is talking about steroids in another field of American culture. Rap or Hip-Hop. All the artists who got physically huge saw gains in their careers, but also different types of injuries to their careers (just like ahtletes who do steroids). Here is the evidence:

LL Cool J started it (maybe he is the Jose Canseco of rap – “I never injected 50 Cent personally, but I know he was interested.”) He has always been a weight room guy, but in the last 3 years he became NFL size with bodybuilder cuts. And his music is not as good now.

Then came Treach from Naughty by Nature. He was intimidating and made it on to this Season of the Sopranos (benefits of steroids), but he also banged Peppa of Salt N Peppa, and that is his injury. And Naughty by Nature is nowhere to be found.

Then came the McGwire of rap – 50 Cent. This guy has bigger breasts than half of Playboy. But it did get him In da Club. Perhaps his album “Get Rich or Die Tryin'” really means “I don’t care if these ‘roids give me a heart attack, I need to get paid.” Like McGwire’s andro, 50 Cent’s gunplay is just a cover for his steroid use. However, since becoming a gigantic rapper he has suffered numerous injuries. His film was an insult to the memory of Mariah Carey’s Glitter. And if anyone saw the video “Candy Shop” I think we can see that 50 Cent’s C-Cups may need some support in the near future.

And then came Ja Rule, who like an undersized second basemen named Brett Boone, decided he wanted to get big and paid. And he did, but he still sounds like Scooby Doo going through puberty. And every movie he is in sucks (Scary Movie 3, The Fast and The Furious, Assault on Precinct 13)

(Side note – the 3rd installment of the Fast and the Furoius is coming out this summer. Note to movie audiences – if VIn Diesel decides that a movie series is not worth it (for the second installment) it probably sucks. If Paul Walker decides not to make a movie it probably means the world will end when people pay money to see it. That said The 3rd one stars megastar Bow Wow)

And now we come to Busta Rhymes – the new test case for steroids in rap. I enjoy most of Busta’s music. It is varied and most of it is pretty good. He has also been in at least one decent movie, Finding Forrester (“YOU’RE THE MAN NOW DAAAAAAAAAG”). But now he has gone from a Rasheed Wallace-lanky-type build to looking like Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens. Immediately the impact was felt on his career. His bouncer was shot and he refuesd to cooperate with the authorities. Now he has a new album coming out. If history is any indicator Busta could be in trouble.

I personally have done the opposite with my album coming out. I have made a concerted effort to get in progressively worse shape, you know, so my work doesn’t suffer.

  • A-Rod vs. Wolverine: PEDs, America’s Children and the Specter of Muscle-Bound Nerds | J-L Cauvin

    […] discussions of performance enhancing drugs in baseball and their influence on children I wrote this blog about the obvious usage of performance enhancing drugs among hip hop stars.  Around a year later, […]

Comments are closed.