He’s Just Not That Into You

I swear I saw it for research and comedy purposes.

Last night when a mic I was on was cancelled I decided to catch a movie, you know, to do something I normally don’t do.  Since I like to what America deems the #1 movie (I saw Paul Blart – well 70 minutes of it before I walked out – possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen, and Taken) I bought a ticket to He’s Just Not That Into You.  Here is a breakdown (if I Twittered, I would have given the following list):

8:04 pm I see two women who used to work with me at the Bronx DA’s Office.  One assumed I would be writing about the movie, but called me out for using that as an excuse for seeing a chick flick.  To quote Dewey Cox – guilty as charged.

8:10 previews begin.  1st preview – A Matthew McConaughey romantic comedy.  Finally, something new for a change. 

8:11 – groups of women arriving late and trying to deliberate where to sit.  I mutter, sit the fu-k down

8:12 – preview of a crazy blond woman trying to fu-k Stringer Bell from the Wire who is married to Beyonce.

8:13 more groups of white women arriving late and blocking the screen – quick who are the only two groups who consistently ignore “don’t walk” lights in Manhattan?  White women and black men.  Who are the groups consistently late and talk during movies in Manhattan?  White women and black men.  Coincidence?  If you don’t think those groups rule the world who is our president?  A man with a black father and a white mother from a state with a city named Manhattan.  And who’s blog are you reading?

8:14 – Preview of a romantic comedy starring Paul Rudd

8:17 – Preview of a romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock

8:18 – I contemplate suicide as another group of annoying women walk in and bump my chair several times and another romantic comedy preview airs.

8:19 I notice that I am the only man by himself in a theater of about 300 theater goers.  Then, faster than you can say awkward truck stop encounter a lone male comes in and decides to sit two seats from me.  Just to cover my ass literally and figuratively I pulled a Larry Craig and told the women behind me that I just had a wide stance when I sat at movies, just in case the guy made a move.

8:23 – movie starts.  1 hour and 40 minutes of important lessons teaching women that they are really dumb when it comes to relationships. Lots of girls going, “oh my God, that is sooooo you,” and “ugggghh, she’s soooooo stupid.”  Then the last 20 minutes of the movie are spent making every one of the characters the exception to the rules that have been laid out, so low and behold, everyone is happy, except for the people that cheated, who still seem a little happy.

10:23 – lots of groups of girls outside the theater discussing the movie probably discussing the different characters are them or not them. 

12:01 am – girls who just watched the movie answering booty text messages, over interpreting signals from guys and making foolish decisions.  Lessons not learned.