The King of All Media – Barack Obama

Perhaps a moment of silence for the last 4 years before the party for the next 4 days.

I am now certain that January 20, 2009 is a historic day in America.  It obviously has significant meaning as a statement of the progress of the American dream of equality and equal opportunity (anyone, and I mean anyone, with a Harvard education and hundreds of millions of dollars can be president).  However, I think it stands as an even more important statement about the future of America and American politics.  It is proof that the future of politics, more than ever, is a game, and it will be won not by credentials or experience, but by mastery of the media and technology.

The best parallel to this before the Obamification of politics as far as the history I am aware of is the 1960 election of John F. Kennedy over Richard Nixon.  An incredibly close election (think Bush v. Gore, minus theft) a critical factor was the good looks of Kennedy leading those who watched the debate on the new contraption known as the television to find Kennedy the winner of the debate (versus radio listeners who thought Nixon won).

Well we now have more than just television now.  We have Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blackberry, text messaging, etc.  Our generation, rather than contributing substance and value are merely adding more and more bells and whistles for delivering the same old sh*t, or more simplified sh*t.  But because all we have delivered, or more accurately, consumed, are bells and whistles, we are starting to value and confuse bells and whistles as substance.  Whether it is a 19 year old thinking his or her life warrants a blackberry, or people text messaging instead of speaking to each other, or reading celebrity blogs instead of reading and supporting newspapers we are well on our way to sacrificing relationship building and social skills for virtual relationships. 

And Obama has mastered these formats.  The problem is that the future of politics seems to be about how one delivers, not what they deliver.  Politics will become like Domino’s Pizza – the promise of quick, efficient delivery will matter more than the substandard crap that potentially comes in the box.  Obama has become a major pop culture figure and I think to millions that is his most endearing quality.  This is not to say that Obama is not smart, thoughtful, measured and composed individual with leadership skills.  But the precedent he has set is scary to me.  For the first time I can think of the delivery device of the message seems to have as much or more power than the message itself.  I know advertising dollars has been critical to politics for years, but I think the presidency has become more of a product than ever before and that will only increase as people demand more and more instantaneous and glib forms of information and information delivery.

On a side note, Obama is breaking a racial barrier – and although I believe it is important to point out that he is half-white, I am tired of hearing more and more people mentioning that in a spiteful way, as though if we turned back the clock 50 or 100 years he would have been getting a hearty welcome from white America.  However, I am also equally tired of America patting itself on the back.  As much as Obama is cool and inspiring, the love orgy occurring on the news is starting to sicken me – it is as if America is starring at itself in a mirror and is arousing itself in some sort of narcissistic appreciation of its own tolerance and progressiveness.  Stop it already!

But back to the technology/media manipulation.  Obama has proven incredibly capable at using message and media to create an impression upon people, even when the actual content conflicts with the impression.  Some examples:

Facebook/CNN Sound byte: We need more than just the old politics of Bush and Clinton.

Reality: We need all of the Clinton staff because the Clintons actually know and knew what the fu-k they were doing in making decisions and in picking staff.  I am like the Sammy Haggar of the White House.  I will keep the Clinton/Van Halen band, but just replace David Lee Roth/The Clintons.

Facebook/CNN Sound byte: Family is private and I want my children to have a normal life.

Reality: Here is a private letter to my daughters that I will release to the media to show how private and fatherly I am.

Facebook/CNN: I am taking a train ride to DC because I have been inspired by Abraham Lincoln’s common touch and leadership to America.

Reality: I am visiting 4 cities on the East Coast.  Abe Lincoln gave 100 speeches in 12 days coming across half the country during a crisis that is still unparalleled in American History.

But we are buying it hook, line and sinker.  And I need to make this clear – I think Obama was what we needed.  My main reason for voting for him is that the Bush foreign policy made Obama’s race an asset in raising our respect in the world community, after 5+ years of bombing brown and Muslim people.  His symbolic value is a real asset to America.  However, how people have clung to him shows that when the media is played the right way people can be manipulated and led along.  I like Obama so this is not as much a warning against Obama as president, but a warning of where we are going as a people.  Are we using technology and the media or are we allowing them to use us?  That may sound like a cliché saved for science fiction, but I think we are living it now. 

We are a nation of wristband wearers and Facebook groups.  Obama’s words may inspire, but I am afraid that all he will do is inspire us to talk and engage in more symbolic gestures.  He is going to have to do the heavy lifting for the country if this buzz wears off in 100 or 200 days.  Celebrity is a fleeting existence, so hopefully he has the substance to make a difference.  I think he does, but only time will actually tell.

One thing above all disturbs me about this event.  Tuesday will be a great feel good moment in history, but history should have been made, or rather, re-made four years ago.  Over 3,000 individuals have died in a war we apparently ALL thought was wrong 4 years ago, but did not elect John Kerry because he was not “cool” or “the man”.   When we had a chance to elect a president 4 years ago who would have made environmentalism a bigger priority we did not.  When we could have elected a president who would not have let big corporations run amok (or at least as much) we did not because our own wallets were doing ok and they guy just did not “inspire” us.  When we could have had a president who might have prepared better for Hurricane Katrina and put someone in charge of FEMA who did not judge Arabian horse shows, we did not and 1,000 poor people died.  So when we had a chance to change history 4 years ago we did not.  So maybe there should be a moment of silence for all that has gone wrong in the last four years before we celebrate the next four days.

Is 24 the worst show on television?

A little over 7 years ago, just after “September the 11th” changed everything (including how far I would go in using metaphors to describe failed romances), Fox began running promos for a new show starring Kiefer Sutherland.  The show looked exciting and the usage of Limp Bizkit’s “Break Stuff” was a brilliant marketing move.  It made the show instantly appealling to 21 year old college seniors who were going through some sort of delayed teenage angst.  The show promised to cover one day in real time and as Jack Bauer said in the commercial, “This is going to be the longest day of my life.”

That show was 24 and for 3 seasons, especially the first, it delivered the goods.  It was so well done that we overlooked several things that have persisted throughout the show’s run:

  • everyone who possibly needs to see Jack Bauer or members of his fictional CTU department is at most a 15 minute drive away – no exceptions
  • the government has a 1:1 spy-to-honest employeed ratio – government background checks are apparently as rigorous as a McDonald’s application
  • internet connections and wifi connections are flawless and super fast everywhere all the time
  • no one has ever eaten food or gone to the bathroom during any of the days covered by 24

But 24 has lost both its moral and creative integrity.  First, creatively, there is just no way that what takes place takes place within a week, let alone a day.  They just don’t care about making it even seem remotely plausible anymore.  To get anywhere in Washington DC in the new “day” all that is needed is a commercial break (3 minutes).  Furthermore, I am tired of the 18 different plots that happen to occur on the same “day.”  I feel like HBO could do 24 (or 12 in their case) so much better because they are usually dealing with a more sophisticated audience and could stand to have some realism and down moments in the show.  Ther 24 audience is like a crack addict – instead of liking the first few hits and being satisfied woth the pace and quality, the audience demanded more action, more hits, more potency is until they have lost their metaphorical teeth and sucked some metaphorical- you get what I’m saying.

This season they were at such a lost they actually brought a character back from the dead.  So now Jesus Christ is working as a rogue agent with Jack Bauer.  And I am sure according to Rupert Murdoch and the Fox creative team, Jesus Christ will torture suspects if it works.

Which brings me to 24’s moral credibility.

In 24 torture always works.  Always.  In the first 4 hours of the current “day”, Bauer goes from a congressional hearing investigating his torture of a suspect (which worked and which Bauer defends a la Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men) to help the FBI.  No sooner does the good and earnest FBI agent Jack is working with have an opportunity to torture a suspect does she do it.  Twice – once telling Jack to (but that was a bluff) and a second tiem where she does it herself to a man in the hospital.  And of course she gets the information she needs.

I guess before hope and change come to the White House, Rupert Murdoch wanted to put out one more propaganda laden torture fest to defend Bush and Cheney.  Do I sound paranoid?  Does this not seem like something Murdoch could and would do?  Maybe not directly, but surely there are ways of influencing the content on a television station you own.  And as Oscar Wilde put it, life imitates art.  Vapid women looking to Sex and the City for culture cues are nothing compared to the government and soldiers taking their cues from 24, which is partly what they’ve done according to Jane Meyer’s The Dark Side.

The bottom line is that the show sucks creatively and has influenced and reinforced people’s ideas as to the effectiveness and permissibility of torture.  But with Lost coming back I cannot definitively say that 24 is the worst show on television.  Any show that spends 2 1/2 years figuring out what it wants to do at the expense of millions of fans is pretty bad.

Is Kareem Polpot Obama Too Long?

14 Minutes if Officially Too Long

 

I recently wrote, produced and starred in a meaningless mockumentary style production about a fictional 4th cousin of Barack Obama.  At the time of my writing this it has currently been viewed 363 times on www.funnyordie.com and has received 40 funny votes to 8 die votes. 

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/2ad107b5b8/kareem-polpot-obama-from-steveax

Click on the above link to watch and vote – or just go to my video section and watch it there.

I think it is well done and I am thankful to all the friends and comedians and directors (Nate and Ari) who helped make it go.  I was hoping to make the video go “viral,” meaning that thousands and then millions would see it, I would  become Fred Armisen’s replacement as Obama on SNL and then forget about everyone in my life and become wildly rich.

But I have been shot down by a few friends in this pursuit and the reason is that it is “too long” for people, especially the ADD types to forward along to their friends.  it is 14 minutes long, which should not be a problem.  And ADD is a myth shrouded in science to make rude people feel less like douchebags.

This is where we have gotten – 14 minutes is now too long for people to pay attention.  Shows like Bromance, starring Brody Jenner, the handsome,useless, unaccomplishedspawn of a former Olympian named Bruce Jenner, trying to find a best friend holds people’s attention.  If you watch anything funny on television it has now become either shows loaded with quick nonstop attention grabbing gags and diversions like Scrubs, 30 Rock or Family Guy or unintentional humor like Bromance and Rock of Love. 

My sketch is more about total humor, but with punch lines thrown in, some obvious, some subtle.  But either my friends don’t give their friends enough credit for being able to pay attention for 14 minutes or their friends are going to further the tidal wave of simple and quick hit humor. 

Perhaps this is just because I sat through Che, which is 4 1/2 hours long, but I think people can watch a 14 minute mockumentary.  Or at least Lorne Michaels can.  And should.  Please.

My Favorite Movies of 2008

I saw fewer films than last year.  I still saw a lot of them.

If comedy were not my favorite thing in the world, goingto movies would probably be it. Before giving you my Top 10 of the year I have some other awards I would like to give out:

Worst Movies of 2008

1) The Happening

2) Twilight

3) Indiana Jones 4

I curtailed the amount of pure crap I saw this year (which may explain the reduction in total number of films seen).  The Happening was just dreadful.  Marky Mark should have his name stricken from the books as havign ever been nominated for an Oscar.  The only thing worse than his performance was the movie itself.  The only hope for M. Night Shamalamadingdong is to direct and star in a biopic about Bobby Jindal.  My reason for seeing Twilight was that I wanted to see what the buzz was about.  Lesson learned – when girls/women between the age of 15 and 30 create “buzz” you can almost guarantee that it is something really fu-king stupid.  I have always liked Indiana Jones, but South Park really nailed it when they portrayed the film as George Lucas and Steven Spielberg raping Indiana Jones – it was truly awful.

 

Best Holocaust Movie of the Year

I saw Defiance, The Reader, Valkyrie so I have not seen all of them, but The Reader was the best, but more by default.  The other two were just ok.  Hopefully Hollywood can learn from its mistakes and pump out more Holocaust movies next year.  And speakingof tragedies I think Hollywood is planning its second slavery movie ever now that we have a black president.

 

Best Surprise Decent Movie

JCVD – this humorous, but somewhat touchingmovie starring Jean Claude Van Damme was actually a pretty clever movie and shows that Van Damme, rather than juicing up like Stallone or running for office like Ahnuld, has embraced who he is and made easily the most quality movie of his career (though it was not tough beating out his performance as Chance Boudreaux in Hard Target).

 

Most Overrated Independent Film that People Had to Say They liked

Rachel Getting Married – this movie was a B/B+ that critics swooned for.  It has all the classic trappings of a great independent film – a story that is not very interesting, a sad back story and a good set of performances.  Anne Hathaway is fine (and uglified which is always good for Oscars), but I thought whoever played her sister (Rachel – I did not care enough to look up her real name) was better.

 

Best Animated Movie of the Year

I love Pixar and I really like Wall-E, but I enjoyed Kung Fu Panda more.  It might just be the star power of Jack Black, but the fat panda made me laugh more than the cuter version of Short Circuit.

 

Most Arrogant Move by a Filmmaker

The movie Che is 4 hours and twenty minutes long.  If I was not crippled by a movie addiction I would have never seen it.

 

Best Performances of 2008

Heath Ledger  (The Dark Knight) + everyone in the Dark Knight except for Bale’s voice as Batman

Robert Downey Jr  (Tropic Thunder) – so obviously funny, but incredibly subtle at the same time.  Maybe the best performance of the year, but Ledger’s work +  tragedy will be honored

Meryl Streep (Doubt) – I don’t care if she has been nominated 47 times and has won multiple times – this was definitely the best performance by an actress this year

Micky Rourke (The Wrestler) – excellent work

Paul Rudd (Role Models) – sarcastic, bitter, unhappy – what’s not to love/identify with in Paul Rudd’s performance

Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio (Revolutionary Road) – best duo on screen this year.  Anyone who has never had the balls to go full out in an argument with a girlfriend or spouse – this movie will give you a liberated feeling and it is their performances that make it so intense.

Benicio Del Toro (Che) – 4 hours and 20 minutes in a performance that’s so good you forget it’s an actor (maybe just because it is so f-ing long)

Justin Long (Zach and Miri Make a Porno) – one scene as a gay porn star at a high school reunion – fantastic.

TOP TEN OF 2008

  1. The Dark Knight – I truly believe this has changed the way action movies can and will be made
  2. The Wrestler – Not since Million Dollar Baby have I seen a movie that captures the absolute sadness of ordinary, everyday life.
  3. Revolutionary Road – I could have written this movie myself, but it might not have had the happy ending that this one has.
  4. Role Models – Funniest movie I have seen since 22003’s Old School.
  5. Doubt – a really good movie that is even better because of Meryl Streep
  6. Flash of Genius – underrated Greg Kinnear in the most under appreciated movie of the year
  7. Milk – standard biopic, but really well done
  8. Slumdog Millionaire – slightly overhyped indie-film, but it is a great story
  9. Cadillac Records – great acting, including Beyonce and from box office receipts proof that people do not want to see a story about black people being fleeced by white people
  10. Kung Fu Panda – Jack Black’s best work since School of Rock

Honorable mention : Che, Wall-E,  W, Miracle at St. Anna

And yes, I have probably seen any movie you think should be on this list.

Miami Heat

Miami trip recap.  Enjoy.  Or don’t.  Happy New Year. 

SATURDAY

The trip started at JFK and it started with a great confrontation.  Two women in their twenties cut the entire line of people waiting to check bags.  Most people pulled the huff and puff technique of voicing their displeasure, but one guy with his wife and kids called them out very loudly.  Of course no one behind the counter did anything, but the two women gave the guy a “are you crazy, oh my God” look, which confirmed their skankiness on the inside, not just the outside.  Although I guess what else are they supposed to do?  They had been caught and called out so at that point the only choice is to commit to your mistake and/or bitchiness more fully.  Overhearing their conversation with the counter check-in person it appeared that they were going to miss their flight, so that was good.

I arrived in Miami, which I like to refer to as a museum of hot women.  It seems that if you have loot it does not matter how ugly or old you are you can and will be accompanied by a woman of substantial beauty, either natural or store bought. 

The check-in girl at the hotel may have been the dumbest or rudest human being I’ve ever met.  I am not sure yet.  I went to check in and she told me that she cannot check me in because the system has been down for a day.  I saw at least a dozen people sitting in the lobby and asked her was this why there were so many people waiting in the lobby and she replied yes.  So I waited by the desk and saw all the people in the lobby leave into cabs for the airport, meaning that the answer to my previous question was no.  Then the guy next to dumb/rude check-in girl starts checking in people who have walked by me.  So apparently the system was working.  After he checked in a few people he looked at me and said “she can help you if you ae looking to check-in” referring to rude dummy.  I walked over to her and it was as if we had never met.  She then told me that my room would not be ready until 4.  When she handed me my room key I asked, “So do I have to wait until 4?”  And she replied, “No you can go now – it’s ready.”  Does this conversation strike anyone else as fu-king bizarre?

That night I headed to the Miami Imrpov for a reasonable round trip cab fare of $74.  I watched some comedy and hustled my way into a guest spot on Sunday night.

 

SUNDAY

On my pre-beach trip to CVS I noticed a huge display of wife beaters.  Seemed out of place until I noticed all the guido and gay types roaming South Beach so it made sense.

Pretty mundane day – just got some Sun and read and ran on the beach.  Very Rocky III, but since I am half white and half black I did not need anyone chasing me or racing me on the beach.

That night I took another cab to the Improv and did a 10 minute guest spot.  it went very well.  However, when the headliner, Kevin Brennan, got on stage he described how his kids will be bi-racial and that people often think that bi-racial people are good looking, “except for that comic that was up here before.”  After the show Kevin’s wife said that her kids will have a look like me and I said, “well it appears that would upset your husband.”  However, my ego was nursed back to health when Kevin said, “I heard these girls in the back say ‘he’s fine (fine like fiiiiiiiiiine, not fine like satisfactory)’ when you got on stage, but what was I gonna do – sound like a homo and say ‘I hope my kids are good looking like that comic.'”  Phew!

 

MONDAY

I took my guest pass that I found in Subway to Crunch gymnasiums.  Ok – it is official, Crunch gyms are just gay nightclubs that take place in daytime.  Granted my sampling of Crunch gyms are in LA and South Beach, but still do any straight people work out at this gym chain.  Obviously if my next trip to a Crunch gymnasium is in San Francisco I cannot conclude anything, but I would like to see their literature for membership.

That night I bought myself an ice cream sundae and was sitting in the shoppe when a caucasian father and his 5 year old caucasiandaughter got into a very funny argument (if you consider kids acting like little sh-ts funny), which ended her defiantly screaming “I LOVE CHOCOLATE DADDY.” He then left her pouting in the store while he ate the sundae outside.   Fast forward to that girl coming home sophomore year of college: “I LOVE CHOCOLATE DADDY”  Same reaction from the father.

Walking home from the shoppe a homeless man standing behind me just began to take off his pants.  Thinking quickly as to why he was doing this near me I told him that I was only a guest at Crunch gym and he promptly pulled his pants up and left muttering “fu-king tease.”

 

TUESDAY

I observed young black men selling their own rap cds to frightened tourists on Lincoln Road, proving once again that wherever there are large concentrations of tourists there are black men who will use a combination of aggressiveness, charm and intimidation based on racial prejudice to get white people to buy their rap albums.

That night I went to the Miami Heat-Cleveland Cavaliers game featuring a match up of Dwayne Wade and LeBron James.  I was ten rows from courtside and noticed that LeBron James is officially a diva.  He is 24 years old, but is obviously condescending to officials and just does not have the overall class of Dwayne Wade, who is probably the game’s best ambassador.  But some of James’ dunks that close looked amazing.

 

Overall – great trip.

Is Israel The Tommy DeVito Of Democracy?

I have been vacationing in Miami this week (take the worst parts of LA – shallow, artificially enhanced people and New York – useless street performers, hordes of tourists, homelessness), but add an awesome beach and Latin women and voila – worth going to) and will be giving you a recap tomorrow sometime when I return (12th row seat to Heat-Cavs tonight will probably be the highlight).  But while I’ve been gone apparently someone let Democracy’s pit bull, Israel, off the leash.

I have just finished reading The Dark Side, by Jane Meyer, which basically details how America under Bush & Cheney has become an international superthug.  Sure, America has been a small time gangster that much of the world could tolerate, but under B & C America has basically turned into Tony Montana.  The book is highly recommended to this blog’s 14 readers – it is terrifying and shameful.

But it seems like America has become Democracy’s mob boss.  You can’t touch us because we are made guys.  We can slap this shit out of another country and they can’t touch us because for so long we have been the good guy in our own fairy tale narrative.  Read this book and tell me that.  But at the same time we are sort of the Jimmy Conway (DeNiro in Goodfellas) or Tony Soprano of criminal democracies.  We have faults, but at the same time it is still easy to root for us, perhaps because of our charisma or sheer entertainment value.  But reading the Miami Herald’s brief coverage of the “War” breaking out between Israel and Hamas I am reminded that Israel may be the Tommy Devito of Democracy.

Tommy DeVito, of course, is Joe Pesci’s character from Goodfellas.  The hot headed, aggressive mobster who is still protected because of his association with bigger mobsters. 

Reading the paper this morning among the things I noted was that Israel had killed approximately 350 people, including at least 60 civilians, while a “particularly sophisticated Hamas attack killed” … 3.  The headline quoted Israel’s government as saying, We are in “an all-out war.”  That appears to be true.  The same way the Harlem Globetrotters and Washington Generals were in a “basketball game.” 

Meanwhile, our response by President Bush could not be more Jimmy Conway.  In the New York Times he was quoted as saying he requests a cease fire by both parties, but said Israel was justified and “let’s take this one day at a time.”  In other words, “you insulted him a little bit.”

I do not pretend to understand many of the nuances of this conflict, but I have tried to read a decent amount on the subject.  I was pretty good at math though and when I see casualties of 350-4 I don’t see that as a war, regardless of the justifications.

Now of course, the United States is in no political or moral position to question anything anyone does in defense of their country.  After all torturing and sodomizing terror suspects is sort of a “lose your turn” in the board game of moral authority.

I will probably never understand the Israel issue.  I know that at least half of my Jewish friends think that my religion is nonsense because the Bible is hocus pocus, but then believe a slice of land based on Biblical history cannot be tampered with.  And with a new President coming to power it could be an opportunity to send a message to all democracies that we have a new direction and that democracies worldwide have to set a better example.  But one problem – a major question for Obama was his support for Israel, you know, because he’s a black guy with a Muslim name.  So the minute that uppity schvatza starts telling Israel not to go shoot every waiter who makes a joke, that uppity schvatza will be a one term president, losing Florida to Tim Pawlenty or Sarah Palin in 2012.

Rich Guy Kills Himself Over Losing Money

You said there was bad news?

I saw a posting in today’s New York Times that a hedge fund manager who lost over $1 billion in the Bernie Madoff fallout has killed himself.  The guy’s name was Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet, but we’ll call him Frog for short.  I am sure this is a tough time for his family, his estranged kids in rehab and his mistress (I am just assuming these things, but the odds are probably on my side).  A few other thoughts on the matter:

  1. Anyone who could or would kill themselves over money should do it.    If the thought of being downgraded from billionaire to millionaire or dare I say it (gulp) thousandaire is enough for you to kill yourself then you should probably do it. 
  2. If his family was putting a lot of pressure on him or nagging him or just being spoiled sh*ts it’s no excuse, but they could make it seem a little better if they joined Frog.
  3. It’s refreshing to see that that old tale that seemed like a lie for so long came true – money does not buy you happiness.

But while Frog will be keeping a low profile, one guy who is not is Dick Cheney.  His defiance is so amazing.  I expect him to leave the White House when Obama moves in going “Say goo nigh to the bah guy” a la Pacino in Scarface.  I’ve started the book The Dark Side, which talks about Cheney’s icy cool demeanor and commitment to keeping America safe.  He is the ultimate villain.  he is the guy in the movie that just when you think the heroes are going to be safe Dick grabs the detonator and threatens to blow up his own ship to keep it safe from the impending enemy attack.  As cool as Obama is, Cheney is the supreme badass.  I think he would actually stab W. in the neck in front of the entire cabinet if W disagreed with him and then say “Anyone else disagree?”  I will miss Dick Cheney.  Hopefully he has not lost a lot of money in the Bernie Madoff scandal.

Utah Jazz Saves The Day

Can Jerry Sloan manage my career?

 

Last night I saw the Utah Jazz defeat the New Jersey Nets in New Jersey.  It was nice to see because for the past 5 years I have gone to two Jazz games a year  – one in Madison Square Garden against the Knicks and one in the now named Izod Center.  And they have lost every one of those games.

Last night did not start out promisingly, with the Jazz scoring 7 points in the first quarter to the Nets’ 27.  But the Jazz made an amazing comeback and won.  Some things I believe I have commented on before about Nets games (and NBA games in general):

  • Can teams stop with the bells and whistles. There is music and sound effects playing during the entire game, including while the players are actually playing – does Devon Harris or Deron Williams really need beat it playing as he dribbles up the court?).  The lights flashing look as if they are trying to give everyone an epileptic seizure and during every timeout nothing short of a three ring circus commences with the strippers posing as dancers, the acrobatic kids, streamers and music blaring.  It is literally an assault on the senses.
  • At least the Knick city dancers resemble dancers, the Nets dancers are clearly strippers.
  • Another thing I found nice is that there were a lot of Turkish people at the game showing support for Utah’s center Mehmet Okur.   No wonder David Stern likes lots of international players.

But it was a good pick me up after I got dumped by manager, the second time I have been dumped by a Jewish person this year.  Fool me once…  I am just hoping I get through 2008 without my family disowning me.  Maybe I just need to do some one stop shopping so if anyone knows a good Catholic comedy manager who likes cuddling, movies being ridiculed on stage and will only take 10% in a divorce let me know.

Welcome To My New Website

Just in time for the Holidays I present to you, my 17 fans, a new, highly upgraded website and the release of my new CD/DVD “Diamond Maker.”  I believe this day will be compared to the fall of the Berlin Wall, a transformative, world changing moment, except it has take place in the world of comedy.  Twenty years from now, Thomas Friedman will cite to December 17, 2008 as a major milestone when comedy changed in his book The World Is Funny. 

In all seriousness I am very proud of the great work of Steve Axworthy helping to put together my new site and to Michael Codispoti, Jim Vern, Chris Pelletier, Brett Anderson and Danny Rouhier who helped make Diamond Maker a great product.  Buy it for you, someone you love or someone you hate.   It will be reviewed soon in Punchline Magazine so look for that as well.

I will be back soon with more cynicism and sarcasm, but today I am happy.  Sort of.

Reunion with the Bronx DA’s Office

I got a plaque.

And a few things changed since you last saw me.There is something comforting and uncomfortable all at the same time about Reunions. Last night was the annual Bronx DA Christmas party where they honor former employees who have left in the last year.

I got called first, which went as such:

“Gene Loui-” speaker rolls eyes, “Jean-Louis Cauvin, Three Years.”

I found it nice that the proper pronunciation is greeted with a certain amount of red state chagrin. The eye roll clearly indicating, “oh right, this snooty motherfu-ker with his French name.” Perhaps this will answer questions on why I choose to go by J-L a lot of the time. And yes that makes me a hypocrite when I complain about Indian guys who go by names like “Bobby” or “David” when their names don’t even share any of the same letters as their chosen nicknames.

Awkward moments 2 and 3 came when I was congratulated on my wedding. Those are those moments where you feel uncomfortable and can only find solace in the fact that the person who just congratulated you is about to feel even more awkward than you. Sort of like when Tom Cruise tells Jack Nicholson that his father has been dead for seven years when they first meet in A Few Good men. Jack’s response: Don’t I feel like the fu-king as-hole.

Awkward moment four when the DA spoke of Obama’s election and you could feel the blue collar detectives literally clinging to their guns.

All in all it was similar to many reunions – awkward, uncomfortable and a little touching (emotionally). Continuing that theme I will be seeing Doubt tonight.