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Los Angeles Journal Part 2: The Carolla Show Recap

There are multiple ways to view most events, where from one perspective something plays out one way, but from a different perspective (either visually, mentally, or emotionally) it can seem to be a completely different result.  My appearance on The Adam Carolla Show last Wednesday (aired on Thursday) could be one of those situations.  As I discussed with Nick Dopuch (my friend and chauffeur for my three days in LA) here is the neutral way to describe what led me on to that show: Step 1: I wrote a web series, which required both a fund raising campaign and out of pocket costs to get made, with the intention of showcasing my impressions and my voice within comedy.  Step two was to find a way to get the series publicity because 100% of the comedy media sources were unwilling to promote the series because the only thing more important to these sites and their creators than web clicks (which my videos are reliable for) is access to celebrities, several of whom are targets in the series.  Step three was a well timed tweet to Adam Carolla who actually watched and enjoyed the video and had his producer play it on the air. Step 4 was a dialogue with the show producer about making a new video specifically for the show. Step 5 was to write, cast and make the new video on my own dime within a week.  Step 6 was to be offered a guest spot on the show to release the video and fly myself out to Los Angeles. Step 7 was to do the best I could on the show.  And then step 8 was hopefully pick up lots of new traffic and fans and (long shot) begin a relationship with the show.  Right now, the plan was executed perfectly and led to exactly zero dollars (at least in the short term).   As Nick and I said in his car after my appearance, what I had just pulled off was BEST CASE SCENARIO for a comedian with no management and no industry connections.  To paraphrase Scarface, all I have in this world is my comedy and my balls and I don’t break them for no one.  (for the record, the other way to look at this scenario is like my Mother or millions of other rational human beings and ask “So wait, you are not getting paid?”)

But let’s break down the appearance, which meant more to me and has done more for me than my appearance on The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson six years ago (landmarks in my comedy career are like Senate elections):

I was starting to feel sick the day of the show (it is now full blown bronchitis), which was probably a combo of a 1 am Greyhound trip from Syracuse to NYC on Sunday morning, followed by a six hour early morning flight to LA two days later and the stress of what I knew was an important opportunity for me.  About three hours before the show I almost puked (from nerves, not sickness).  The fact is when you are not in the chosen class of comedians where industry is fawning for whatever myriad of criteria they use, chances to expand your fan base in a big way are few.  So even though I did not know what I could gain from a successful appearance I also knew that opportunities like this are not frequent so I had to make the most of it.

When I arrived at the studio about 15 minutes before they told me to be there I was greeted by a small woman who had never heard of Adam Carolla.  The address number I wanted was 629, but I had a mental slip and went to 621. Now that my ride had left the neighborhood I panicked and thought what if I had the whole address wrong?  I have 15 minutes to get where I needed to be and had no idea how far I was.  Then an older gentleman popped his head out of another room and said “Carolla? Two buildings down.”  Crisis averted.

When I walked in to the Adam Carolla Studio building I was blown away. First I was meeting all these behind the scenes characters from the show and putting faces to names and jokes.  I have been listening to the show for 4 years, 5 days a week so at least to me it was very cool.  And then there was the studio itself.  It was like a shrine/fan room/man cave of the show.  Not so much a tribute to Adam, but rather a collection of things (probably made by fans who like the show) and tons of stuff Carolla likes.  And, although not politically in tune with Carolla, his humor and his “fu*k the industry – I will run my comedy business how I see fit” are things I appreciate and respect (and foolishly emulate since I do not have hundreds of thousands of fans).

I proceeded to get buzzed off of Carolla’s signature drink, Mangria, before the show to calm my nerves and then it was showtime.  I threw in a few quips, got to do impressions of President Obama, Louis CK, Biggie, Dane Cook and JB Smoove.  I got Adam to laugh a few times, which was a real accomplishment, and got compliments from the show’s staff (maybe they do that for everyone but I think they meant it).  They also played my new video Adam Carolla vs The Patent Troll in its entirety on the air.  In other words I really felt like I stuck the landing.  Afterwards, while waiting by myself in front of a Del Taco by myself waiting for Nick to pick me up I almost started turning into Tom Hanks at the end of Captain Phillips, but I kept my composure.

More than anything I have done in comedy this was the most satisfying thing I have accomplished in 11 years.  Because it was all me.  It offered me a day or two of validation for the way I have approached comedy and it is all attributable to me. This may sound conceited or selfish, but for all the effort and sacrifice I have made to build my own life raft (Carolla calls his a pirate ship, but given the relative size of my operation, as well as my Haitian father, I feel life raft is a more apt analogy), I earned a chance to say for a night, like Cerano in Major League, “fu*k you comedy business… I do it myself.”

But like anything in comedy, there always seems a price to pay.  And not only did my bronchitis get worse, but randomly checking my bank balance the next day I saw that my bank account was short what it should have been because a check from a previous gig had just bounced.  If anyone has read the book 11/22/1963 by Stephen King, it is about someone changing the course of history, but the bigger the event, the more impediments pop up to prevent change to that event.  It felt sort of like that “Congrats on working your way into an opportunity not usually provided to people in your position. Hope you don’t mind us taxing you for the chance.”

But not even that could make the trip any less than a big success.  I picked up 100 YouTube subscribers, 50 Twitter followers and a ton of new podcast subscribers.  And sadly, in comedy this counts as currency.  It also validated my work to a large pool of people that I think will also appreciate my work.  Now all I need to do is figure out how to appear on The Adam Carolla Show 225 times a year and I will be a star by this time next year. Check the episode HERE (or on iTunes)

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Comedy Road Recap: Killing Buffalo, Losing a Camera and…

This past weekend I was in Buffalo at the new Helium Comedy Club (an offshoot of the one in Philadelphia and a great club – best run chain in America – great staff, great crowds, great management – and I am not just saying that because I am having trouble getting booked for Improvs and Funny Bones – I mean it).  I was featuring (middle act) for Steve O, who rose to huge fame on the MTV show Jackass, and was the reason I was warned by my mother to “be careful” after she read his Wikipedia page.   The first step of the trip was getting on the 715am train to Buffalo.  A manageable 8 hour train ride is all the stood between me and the land of tatonka.  The ride actually took just over 9 hours because Amtrak’s motto with Buffalo is “do you really give a sh*t when you get there?”

DAY 1 – Jeremy Renner Jr. and the Loss of a Camera

The first show went great.  Had a great set, sold almost $100 worth of CDs after the show and was invited to get a beer with a couple.  He was a dead ringer for Jeremy Renner and promised to text me a picture of the three of us to prove it.  Well he didn’t.  After the show Renner Jr. and his lady bought me a couple of beers and then wanted me to join them at a cool bar that was “two blocks from my hotel.”  I said to myself, isn’t this what fan outreach is all about – and they are buying the drinks?  So I went with my video camera into Renner’s BMW.  Now BMW’s are commonly known as the car of douches and this young man not only drove one, but may have been a dealer of them (he worked at a car dealer, but I did not find out what make – but I assume your drive what you deal), but he was a nice guy and generous with the beer so I dismissed my pre-conceived notions.  However, we ended up driving 2 MILES (not blocks) from my hotel to go to Thirsty Buffalo, a local pub.

The atmosphere was nice enough, but being fatigued from my 5 am wake up I left Renner Jr and his lady with camera in hand thirty minutes later and got into the cab waiting outside the bar.  Enter Jerry, the cab driver.

Jerry drove me back to the hotel, and in the 8 minute ride he shared with me that a multiple shooting incident had occurred at my hotel years ago (“Now I’m not prejudiced, but the blacks fight with guns, not fists, so it’s always more violent” – Jerry) and that his wife has serious health issues and is a hot Hooters waitress 20 years his junior (I believe her waitress name is Daddy Issues). Now we arrived at my hotel, but Jerry had about 4 more minutes of personal tragedy to share with me. So I sat until he was done. I gave him a pat on the shoulder and wished him good luck.  And forgot my camera.  $300 camera.

About 10 seconds into the hotel lobby I said “shit!” and ran outside, but Jerry was already gone.  The hotel staff was nice enough to drive me back to the bar where I asked the bouncer to keep his eye out for van cab drivers, in case Jerry went back to pick up more fares.  The dispatch of the cab company (Liberty Cab) refused to contact drivers, because his pick up of me was an off the books ride, so clearly she wanted to avoid creating any sort of acknowledgment or agency that could create a legal liability.  So I made almost $200 for the night and then lost a $300 camera.   Just another sign from above that the comedy house always wins.  So Jerry, if you are out there, enjoy the camera and yes, that is my kick ass set from Helium you are watching/deleting.  And I also partly blame Jeremy Renner Jr. Damn you and your BMW-selling charm/lies and generosity with beer.

Day 2 –  8 Miles for a Movie & Get Your Fu*king Shinebox

On day two of my journey I walked 4.1 miles each way to see Ride Along – here is the review that I filmed on location:

The 8.2 miles round trip was just enough to burn off my anger for losing the camera, but night two would be enough to generate more heat.  After show 1 of 2, the headliner asked me to leave my merch and handshakes with fans to put on his background music for merchandise sales. I did. Then when it was the wrong CD he yelled at me that “I had to change it.”  Then I left again, with a look on my face that worried a few patrons, but when it was not changed fast enough he stormed past me.  Later, when his mood was settled, he asked me, nicely, to get another box of his merchandise from behind the bar.  This is sort of the equivalent of when Billy Bats told Joe Pesci in Goodfellas to go get his “fu*king shinebox.”   Oh well, it was all water under the bridge, similar to my business cards which were knocked off the table by one of the headliner’s fans.  But don’t worry there is a happy ending – I picked up all the cards later myself.   I don’t even think the headliner knew what he was asking was disrespectful.  When you enter the business as a celebrity headliner the show is about making your fans happy and facilitating revenue.  Other considerations are secondary concerns at best.  Having no less than a dozen potential fans give me awkward looks as I was being quasi-bossed around like I was an assistant and not a comedian myself was rather degrading.  Which then caused me to scream “IM THE BEST FEATURE IN THIS LEAGUE!” a full two days before Richard Sherman would rip off my style.

Day 3 – 6 miles in the Snow, Great Shows & Waiting to Be Murdered at Amtrak

The next day, having pushed a lot of CDs after show 2 of 2 the night before (and after I got my shinebox), found me in a better mood.  However I was starving, it was snowing pretty well and I was 3 miles from Panera Bread.  So I put on my Timberland boots and slogged three miles each way for coffee, bagel and salad (and cookie).  Let me tell you, walking in snow for a total of 6 miles is great exercise.  All that tension trying to balance and trudge simultaneously really gives you a great workout.  However, it would have helped if hotel staff had told me there were a dozen places to eat a half a mile away.  However, in America, anything not across the street = “a drive away/not close.” So I ended up walking to Panera Bread three miles away in the snow, when a Starbucks, Subway, and Mexican restaurant were half a mile away in another direction.  Anger restored.

The shows that night were great (5 of 5) and after leaving home with 40 CDs I left the club with only 8 remaining.  The crowds were great, the staff was great, and the experience was an overall plus.  I only got 3 hours sleep the last night however because I had to catch an early train.  When I arrived at the station Sunday morning it turned out it is only open on weekdays.  That struck me as odd because, where are patrons supposed to stay while waiting for the train?  The answer, from fat America, is “in your car with the heat on dummy,” which is what every other person did  while I stood on the platform for 35 minutes in 17 degree weather.  All in all a great trip, but between the camera and the frozen platform experience just enough for me to question my further commitment to the humor business.   I have a gig at a law school this Thursday. Pays well.  Snowstorm headed towards the school the day before I arrive.  And the dance continues…

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Bro-medy Central and the Flat Tax of 5 Dollar…

I have cynically parodied Comedy Central in my tweets, Facebook statuses and blogs over the last couple of years as a network that almost exclusively caters to fraternity date rapists and people who wish Duck Dynasty and ZZ Top had more facial hair. Of course this was just exaggerated criticism.  After all, not all comedy aimed at a certain demographic is bad – Workaholics and Tosh.0 make me laugh a lot, to name a couple of/the only two things aimed at the demographic that make me laugh.  But as a network built on stand up comedy, clearly it has to respect the art form and not pander exclusively to 18-24 year old men who have less disposable income anyway, due to poor employment figures among young people, right?

“Our demographic is bros.  So do more jokes on weed and hooking up and getting drunk.”

This was the explicit advice (I double checked to make sure “bros” was actually used – it was) given to a friend of mine whose look is youthful, but whose material was more family-oriented (as in about family, not G-rated cheese) by Comedy Central folks putting together a stand up showcase.  But at least now the secret is out. Congratulations bros!  You are now the biggest driving force of the biggest  platform in comedy!  As Comedy Central, or as I will now call it, Bro-medy Central, continues to consolidate power (more influence at Sirius XM comedy radio, selling content for $5 – following Louis CK’s lead) comedians will suffer.

QUICK SIDEBAR HERE – Louis CK selling his content for $5 has been great for fans, great for Louis CK and shi*ty for lesser known comedians seeking to market their own quality merchandise.  What CK did was the equivalent of what Amazon.com did by selling their Kindles at a loss – they give a great deal to customers and set the market rate too cheap for Book publishers and sellers to compete with, ensuring their eventual downfall.  However, these are huge businesses that need to adapt and have resources, built in revenue sources and reputations among consumer bases.  In the case of the $5 special from CK – he has set the bar that the “best” can sell material for $5 so why should an up and comer or an unknown veteran be able to sell their album for an unconscionable $9.99 on iTunes or $8.99 on Amazon?!  CK (and Bro-medy Central, following his lead with their treasure trove of specials) have the clout and leverage to cut out middle men (or in Bro-medy’s case they are their own middle man) and still make a ton of money.  But lesser known artists need those middle men to raise their profile and as a result, their income.

This is the same problem I see with a flat tax often supported by wealthy people (or people who think they will one day be wealthy) – Ten percent tax on $1 billion may be $100 million and that is a ton of tax revenue, but that billionaire will have little problem living on $900 million.  However, for the man making $20,000, a $2,000 hit is tough because there are minimum amounts of money needed to be a self-sufficient member of society.  Now it seems egalitarian and fair, but in practice it is going to be a much more devastating punch in the gut to the lower end.

Similarly, the expectations that content should be even cheaper or free, is not helped by people like CK selling their stuff for wholesale.  He is welcome to do what he wants obviously, and his fans are right to appreciate it, but it should not make him a hero to comedians.   In a few weeks my new album will be downloadable for free, as a cross-promotion with my 9 episode comedy web series (free).  This is all in an effort to hit the comedy lottery.  That is the problem.  Making a marginally decent living at comedy is more and more difficult so now it is an all or nothing gamble for more and more artists.  So I will put out high quality web videos and an excellent album for free, in the hope/wish that people with connections will hear and appreciate what I do and then elevate me right past “struggling feature” to “known headliner.” In other words, as I have said, the middle class in America is dying and the middle class in comedy is dead.  You are either a hobbyist/local, at the bottom of the food chain, but not really caring because it is not your main source of income; or you are someone who is making good to great money at comedy.  And then in the middle are people who face the economic and artistic decisions to either fade back into the bottom category or to go for it all and try to be in the upper level category.  

OK maybe that was not such a short sidebar.  The point is, as the members of the elite continue to make their comedy products cheaper (Louis is not losing much of his end of the money by the way – just the producers and distributors who are losing their share – iTunes pays out $6.37 for an album at $9.99 so they are losing $3.62, but CK is only losing $1.37 per unit by selling directly from his website and cutting out sellers like iTunes) and the Bro-medy Central/Viacom giant  following suit, all while coalescing around a narrow brand of bro-focused comedy, the opportunities for quality comedians to make a living are tougher and tougher and fewer and fewer.  YouTube and Facebook used to represent democratized opportunities that evened the playing field a little bit, but now enhanced algorithms designed to generate revenue for those sites favor the moneyed interests in entertainment (though of course some things can go viral that are not part of those, without that lottery shot, many people might not find uploading to YouTube fun anymore).

Everyone says that there are phases and cycles in comedy, but I don’t want my prime and that of some of my peers disregarded because we are living during the Bro era of comedy.  It would be like finding out you hit 300 home runs in the steroid era in baseball – no one gives a sh*t, no matter how quality and honest your play was.  I just hope that some rival can arise to Comedy Central if this is the direction they want to continue – but the problem is, just like in politics, once the money gets too big, things become entrenched.  But they should be forced to change their channel name from Comedy Central to Bro Central.  That way people will no what the main qualification was for their new talent.  Because if people start assuming tat what they see is automatically the industry standard for quality stand up it may erode the reputation of stand up.  I think we can all agree it would be much better for Bro Central to destroy the reputation of bros, then for Comedy Central to destroy the reputation of stand up (or else you might think that their UP NEXT contest in which established comedians (I was not in the contest so this is unbiased) were all miraculously beat out by younger, fresher talent – i.e. using better comics to bolster the contest’s reputation, seemingly validating younger comics as their equals and superiors when they advance).  Oh well, off to make my best album free and set my DVR to Kroll Show.  #Blessed

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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A Lesson from The Fan on Comedy

In 1996 a fairly bad movie called The Fan came out.  It starred Robert DeNiro and Wesley Snipes as an obsessed baseball fan and the object of that obsession, respectively (in case you thought the old white guy was the athlete and the cut black guy was the fan).  After murdering a rival interfering with Snipes’ character’s success, DeNiro has a conversation with Snipes hoping to receive some indirect credit for his daring actions, but is instead told by Snipes that his renewed success was the result of no longer caring.  Accepting that it is merely a game and that there are more important things than baseball relaxed him to the point of re-gaining his skills.

I feel like the same advice, applied in a different and much more “Murphy’s Law”, could apply to my comedy career.  In 2013, the comedy videos I made stemmed from a “who gives a sh*t” and “what are they gonna do, continue to not book me?” attitude grew my reach exponentially and garnered me a bit of respect, as well as a fair number of requisite haters.  I had been in a comedy troupe and decided I did not like the cautious direction they were taking so I struck out on my own and starting making the videos (since April the video view score is 380,000 to approximately 2,000).  Here’s the clip from the fan if you don’t know it:

Of course, the flip side to all of this effort was less time working a paying job and more time producing content that was free to enjoy, but not free to produce.  Also detrimental was being part of an entertainment community with increasingly cautious rising stars who claim to be free speech warriors, but are generally safe in the content they produce (e.g. accepted controversial targets like religion, which are actually incredibly safe in the warm bosom of comedy) and the targets they question.  Veterans and newbies like my stuff, but those rising middle class doesn’t seem to embrace my stuff as much.  They are like the Republican voters (I will avoid a house-field slave comparison – oops) who do not have the 1% loot, but may have a shot (or think they have a shot at it) so they vote against their current interests in hopes of being part of the 1% one day.  Comedy Academy, the biggest project I put together in 2013 will definitely be a no holds barred, I-Don’t-Give-A-Single-Fu*k project I have ever done and it will be funny to many, but to the comics with heat they will probably avoid it like the plague because as much as some of these guys act cavalier and brave, they are the ones who now “care” a lot.  Maybe too much.  Oh well.

But that is all preamble to the day job search that I am currently doing.  I even found a few jobs in law that would be perfect for my particular set of skills (which I say like Liam Neeson in interviews) that I applied to in the last week.  Because I am done waiting and worrying about the comedy cliques, booking practices, choices and management-booking synergy that is denying some people of fair shots at spots, I can be a little more relaxed knowing that all I need is just enough money to remove the stress of desperately hoping for industry/cool kid approval.  But this is of course when comedy rears its Murphy’s Law head because just the very week I start finding jobs that would be good for me…. I get 4 paid gigs to round out the month of January (have not had a month like this in 6 months).

I am convinced that comedy is just a spiteful bitch in permanent ex-boyfriend/girlfriend mode – it’s only concern is to keep you emotionally and/or financially insecure.   But fortunately I don’t care anymore so hopefully that means more good news is on its way.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Pretty: the Worst Word in Comedy

At least once a year I like to scold comedy audiences and consumers of comedy content (I turn the gun on the comedy industry enough) and this year’s scolding is about the word “pretty.”  And first let me apologize if the title to this blog misled readers thinking they might get a screed against women in comedy.  I am not Buzzfeed, Salon, EliteDaily or any of hundreds of shitty websites people continue to post from based on descriptions like “19 things people do with odd numbers” and “our 1,00,799th video this week that will change the way you feel about everything.”  It is simply a post about the worst word in comedy.

This week alone I received a tweet and a post show compliment describing work I had done as “pretty good.”  There are many adverbs that are perfectly acceptable to describe comedic endeavors”, but “pretty” is not one of them.  Here are the things I would rather hear than “pretty” good:

  • very good
  • really good
  • good
  • quite good
  • not good
  • not at all good
  • I hope you die

This may seem odd, but let me explain – comedy, especially of the opinionated type, is 80% making you laugh, 20% making you feel/think.  That means for every four wholehearted compliments I receive I also expect one person to have been made to have  negative reaction.  It is sort of like why I like Christopher Nolan and Tyler Perry films – one is to make me enjoy myself and the other is to place my rage.  That is why if Tyler Perry ever makes a movie that is not an F I will be disappointed.  There is no bigger waste of time in entertainment than hearing or watching a C+.  I want to see things at the extremes – great or horrible.  And that is what I want people to feel when they hear me do stand up.  I know that most people that hear me will enjoy what I do, but people who have a bad reaction to me almost validate my approach.  40 people laughing hard and 10 people scowling is sort of the ideal ratio for me.

And that is why when someone says “that was pretty funny/good” I feel like someone is scratching their nails across a blackboard.  That is because pretty in that context is a negative modifier.  “That was good” sounds like a compliment.  “That was pretty good” sound like you are rationing compliments during a compliment drought in a post-apocalyptic comedy world.  And it is a conscious decision.  Most, but not all of the time it is a guy, but here is a more thorough statistical breakdown:

  • 88% Men
  • 12% Women
  • Among the men – 70% Dude/bros (or dude/bros emeritus) and 30% socially awkward, and 90% of all the men with girlfriends/wives
  • 99% of the women – bitchy

In other words, after over a decade of getting a full range of compliments I have a large enough sample size to make this somewhere between anecdotal and scientific.  And the word pretty is almost always used by people who enjoyed the show, but somehow want to be withholding in their compliments.  Don’t these people know that most comedians are in this game because of withholding parents and don’t need a fresh dose?  But of course if a vast majority of the “pretty” people are assholes to begin with what is the point in addressing this?  They are either too insecure, too tone deaf or too stupid to give proper compliments (or to say nothing), so why even write about it?  Well, simply put, here are the two reasons:

  1. Now, when greeted with a “that was pretty good” I basically tell the people to keep it moving, in not so many words.  On multiple occasions my dismissive acceptance of their compliment has led to a follow up, “No, really good stuff man.”  So am I an asshole? Maybe.  But if someone wants to give you a half compliment to feel empowered do I give a shit how they feel about me? Nope.  So feel free to shame an asshole giving an intentionally marginalized compliment.
  2. I had writer’s block today.  So feel free to call this post “pretty good.” At least it would be the truth in this case.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Time Flies Even as Fun Dwindles – Comedy Reunion…

This weekend I did a fun reunion show with buddies/comedians past and present that I ran a show with for a couple of years in Hoboken, NJ.  The show was fun, the crowd was good and my wallet was one $20 bill heavier after the show.  We ran the show from 2006-2008 at Hoboken’s The Goldhawk and in the middle of what was a successful run (successful in comedy terms meaning fun shows, fun crowds, no loot) we were featured on the cover of a Hoboken free paper.  Here is what we looked like then:

Pat, Josh, Jim, Blogger in 2007

Now the joy you see on Josh’s face and arms is symbolic of the fact that he would be the first to bail on comedy.  It should also be noted that my shirt is tucked in. Something I have not done in 4 years to hide my frame’s transformation from NBA starting small forward, to retired NFL long snapper with a taste for cookies.

Well this is us from Saturday night at our reunion show.

3 white dudes and an ethnically ambiguous guy in the background - classic boy band formula

A fun night doing a show with some good people for some nice people.  Why haven’t any of us made it yet you ask?  Well, between the four of us our average age is 37 and our average facial hair is 11 year old Puerto Rican kid with a mustache (Jim’s barely there mustache and goatee = 11 year old mature Latino when divided by four).  So at least we had fun and that is what it is all about according to all the younger comics with success tell me on Facebook.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Comedy Feel Good Story (sarcasm alert): The Successful Failure…

If you do not listen to my podcast then the beginning of this blog will seem new, but if you do listen, then endure this paragraph before getting to the good stuff.  This year, feeling a sense of creative and economic depression (I have raised my debt ceiling for the last five years and I hate myself – I am like Obama and Ted Cruz in the same body – dear closeted gay Tea Partiers this is NOT a sexual image for you to flog yourself to), I embarked on a plan to raise my profile and when my name recognition was at its highest (at least relative to my own career) release my best album and hope for the best.  So the plan started off with a bang with “Louis CK Tells The Classics” the viral video of my Louis CK impression.  I then made subsequent videos (Alt Wolf, Scared Straight) that got spread all around and promoted within the comedy world.  I then had an album recording that went well, but not as well as I wanted (plus three critical bits were forgotten) so I recorded another set a month and half later and killed it to the point that instead of integrating the missing bits into the original recording I ended up integrating two bits from the original recording into the later show for the album.  I then got a PR person to book me on some podcasts, get the album reviewed (to some glowing reviews), was on Sirius XM as their Intergalactic Premiere album of the week, was 24-7’s guest comedian of the weekend said a couple of prayers.  I even got a retweet for my album from Amy Schumer (her half a million followers indicates a slightly larger reach than my 1200).  In other words, in a world without a manager or an agent or fame I sort of did all that could be done to produce and promote a good album and my name.

Also giving me hope was the fact that my previous album was downloaded 1000 times (granted it was a free download) and received 70+ ratings/reviews on iTunes. So the only barrier to reaching that level (if not beyond) was the price tag on iTunes of $9.99 (or $8.99 on Amazon).  I figured that might create a dip from 1000, but at the same time I thought it might not be as big a dip because I am more well known in October 2013 than I was in February 2012 when Too Big To Fail was released.

Well the results are in (at least on iTunes) and downloads dipped a whopping 90% for Keep My Enemies Closer compared to Too Big To Fail.

Huh?

I have been wondering how this happened.  Obviously people like free stuff, but at least for me I would not download a free album from someone whose comedy I did not care about and by the same token I would absolutely purchase the album of a comedian whose work I like.   So the question is how does someone go from 1000 downloads and then produce a better album, with an upgrade in publicity and name recognition and then dip 90%?

The album did its best work on day one when it peaked at #12 on iTunes, but because it is not attached to any label or manager it failed to get into the new and noteworthy category.  So now it just hangs out on iTunes telling my other albums that it peaked at 12 as they go “bulllsh*t – you are just another J-L anonymous album – you are not better than us so shut the fu*k up.”

Now I know this blog can sometimes read like a comedy career suicide note, but this is really an open question (feel free to leave comments in the blog’s comment section) – is there something in the comedy world (the deluge of free content, the ever increasing importance of managers and power brokers in comedy to raise the profile of comics to the larger public, etc.) to explain this?  This is not me wondering why KMEC is not above Eminem and Pearl Jam on the iTunes chart, but rather how a better product (even if you think I suck at comedy (i.e. idiots), this album sucks least of anything I have produced) with better name recognition and better promotion can fare so much worse all for adding an $8.99/$9.99 price tag?  This year has sort of been an experiment by me – if I offer quality products (blogs, videos, podcast appearances, podcasts, etc.) for free and then ask for people to pay for one comedy thing (the album), then all the free stuff and the effort would pay off with one nice pay day.  But it did not really pan out.

So what I am asking or saying is that like the American Dream is sort of a myth that very rich and fortunate people tell the masses (the increasing poor and the decreasing middle class) so that they continue to grind away in the myth machinery, is the do-it-yourself concept the same for entertainment?  Then you become a vilified as lazy or unworthy if you are not making ends meet.  The story America tells you is that hard work is the respected value, but in reality success, regardless of how attained, is the value of the day.  Plenty of wealthy people work hard for sure, but we now value results or “winning,” rather than how you play the game (but how many people would really work as hard if they knew the game was rigged?)  Similarly, I feel like the comedy industry loves telling people that it is a great time to be a comedian and that you can make your own success.  Then they point to the 1-2 examples in existence of people without connections who made it big on their own (and just like tax schemes and campaign finance law that help ensure that the rich shall continue to increase their share of power and influence – places like YouTube have changed over the last year or so to reduce the power of the random video at the expense of promoting preferred content providers) and therefore it is possible and all fault for lack of success lies with the comedian/content provider.

But using my own career over the last decade (but especially over the last 20 months) this is sort of debunked, isn’t it?  All things equal I have had 50,000 unique visitors to my website in 2013, had my podcast listener average increase from 200 to about 400+ people per week, gained over 310,000 YouTube views to name a few metrics, which were huge increases from 2012 and yet by charging $9.99 for an album instead of free, led to a massive drop off in downloads.  I know this sounds like complaining, but it is really more confusion than anything else.  I long ago gave up on getting rich from comedy, but this year has taught me that producing high quality content, building your circle of fans/viewers/listeners means little in increasing your bottom line, if you are truly a do-it-yourself artist.  I am a sample size of one so take it for what it is worth, but the very fact that all things were equal because it was me.  The only variables were I was a lot more well known in 2013 (a good thing), had a lot more PR (a good thing) but I charged $9.99 instead of free (death).  The question is then how can you make money off of your art if without fame or industry backing people will consume your free content, but not pay for even a small amount of it?

So if you have not, please check out Keep My Enemies Closer on iTunes or Amazon and join with me in being confused why it has been less successful than Too Big To Fail.   Have a nice week.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Two Pieces of Unconventional, but Obvious Comedy Advice

A few years ago my then-girlfriend called many comedy clubs on my behalf (never representing herself as an agent or manager, but simply “calling on behalf of J-L Cauvin” to create an impression that someone besides me cared about my comedy career) soliciting work on my behalf.  She got several good responses, several non-responses and one from a manager at a major club that was meant to be rude and sarcastic.  His advice was that “[J-L] should dump his girlfriend, get in a car, travel the road for 2 years going to every club and one-nighter, change his name to something Jewish and start sucking dick.”  Now I took every piece of advice this manager offered, except changing my name because my Catholic faith is too important to me, but I thought today, based on a couple of irritating e-mails I received yesterday that maybe I could offer readers and comedians a couple of pieces of unconventional comedy advice.

Advice #1 – If you are a new comedian or a “soon-to-be” comedian, don’t send this to an actual comedian:

Some aspiring comedian (a guy who says he plans to be a comedian) wrote this exchange with me after sending me a friend request

STBC – I’m a soon to be comedian

J-L – Ahh

STBC  – Me as a comedian I have the whole package (reminder he is a guy who is planning to do comedy)

J-L – Congrats. Why are you telling me?

STBC – some have the talent to it but not business material not knowing and preparing well you can be talented you don’t know the business very well as a superstar

This was the entire exchange.  I understand people like this exist, but my advice is if you are a swaggering tool who has never picked up a mic, don’t email comedians you do not know telling them how great you are.

Advice #2 – Do not join a group of comedians if you are the only one with chops and/or ethics.

Yesterday I spent the whole day e-mailing clubs and schools for gigs.  I received an e-mail back from a school that I performed at twice as part of a group and the e-mail said “Oh no – we had no idea you were not still in the group when we re-booked the group.”  Never, I repeat, never join a group with unfunny people, no matter how industrious or friendly they appear to be, because if they do not have the chops to do comedy then they are just playing a money grab game.  And they will grab your money when they get the chance.  I’d name them and detail all their transgressions, but that wouldn’t do anything unless you want to track down some unfunny content from insignificant, amoral people. And who needs that?

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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Keep My Enemies Closer is OUT TODAY

Well folks, I was going to write a hilarious write up about my night at the Black Bear Casino in Carlton, MN.  But that will have to wait until a Monday Mega Minnesota (MMM) recap because TODAY MY NEW STAND UP ALBUM IS OUT!  Reviews should start to come in soon, but take my word for it – it is excellent.  Buy it here.

 

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Guerrilla Album, Small Bits of Good News and Featuring…

Well this week has been an eventful one, even though I have not gotten the stage time I sought.  First let’s start with the bad news – not one, but two CD producers have passed on marketing Keep My Enemies Closer.  Upon listening to the album I was paid what I believe to be a compliment (but I could be wrong) from a producer saying “you seem to be the type that wants to blaze your own path…”  However, it will have to be another guerrilla production by yours truly.  Of course now I am armed with the best album of my career (by far), as well as a lot of increased exposure from various media forms, but it is still a disappointing, uphill climb to try and get bigger sales by pleading to be on podcasts, radio shows and hoping friends, fans and supporters get the word out (that’s your cue to get the word out).  I realize when you Do It Yourself (which I thought was the new model of comedy) folks in the comedy album business do not want you (or at least are not as enthused).  It seems the familiar model is they hook you up with upfront costs, bookings and recording equipment and then take a healthy slice of the sales money.  Now to comedians in my position who have the chops, but not the cash, the upfront part of the deal is hard to resist.  But I am doubly screwed because in addition to already handling all the upfront work (so no leverage for me to give up as much loot on the back end), this album is not easily molded into a role or a roster spot on a label.  This album is if Giraldo and Patrice had a baby and then left the baby at an orphanage and it grew up angry.  I am not accusing or suggesting anyone I pitched the album to had ulterior motives; maybe they just did not like it, but I give you my word as someone who tells you when I suck and tells you when I rock, this album is a fu*king beast.  The set rocked both the comedians in attendance and the strangers that wandered in not knowing what to expect.  And yes I know sharing my failures is not the best way to market an album, but this blog has always been truthful and I am telling you they are wrong (they may have valid reasons, but passing on this album is a mistake).

Tomorrow I film the promo video for the album (release date – 9/24/13), which if you know the following scene from Breaking Bad, should be very entertaining (or at last entertaining – I won’t be going make-up, etc. but the writing will be worth the watch):

But in other comedy news for fans or readers of mine, I am in the running for a web series movie review show (which would yield a nice weekly payday and free passes to movies, which would be a nice upgrade from unpaid and $14/week) and my web series with Discovery, Dumb in the First Degree (I offer humor and actual legal information regarding YouTube’s dumbest criminals), launches in two weeks, if not sooner.  Lastly, I got a W-9 from Official Comedy, which means my clip from The Stand, recorded this past Sunday, will air on their channel soon.   So that is the good news portion of the blog. Naturally it is short and without much editorial cheer.  Probably because I am still owed $500 from a group of comedians I toured with.

As far as gigs I have spots Friday and Saturday (both 8pm) at the Creek and the Cave in Long island City, as well as a headlining performance at the Muslim Brotherhood’s “Day of Anger” Friday in Egypt.  I think they want me to work clean, but to maintain my usual tone.  But this week was bereft of gigs because a) I don’t have management; 2) I am a little fatigued from all the work I have been doing and most importantly 3) I am house sitting my 82 year old father.  It is sort of like opening for him because everything from walking, to eating, to falling asleep I seem to do in less time and before him.   My Dad was always left leaning, except on certain hot topics (think elderly black man from a third world country – not a Glee fan) and what is weird is now that he is a little more physically and mentally weakened from his peak he just sounds like a mix of Chris Matthews and Michele Bachmann in a Herman Cain body.  Next week I will be selling highlight DVDs of my three day stint in Riverdale called Cane & Disabled.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic or iTunes. New Every Tuesday! This week’s episode was a fantastic one on stand up comedy with Josh Homer.