Well after an odd start to the week, Thursday and Friday turned out to be fantastic comedy nights in Chicago. Let’s start with Thursday night:
Thursday – Great Set, Awkward Sexual Encounters
Thursday was the first show I would give myself an A or an A+. I felt great, consistent energy throughout the set and great crowd response. Then the awkward after-show activities began.
As people were leaving the club I stood by the exit handing out my cards. I try generally not to be too intrusive – sort of a mild encouragement to take one, rather than an automatic hand-off to everyone so that I guarantee at least the people who take one had some affirmative desire to get my contact info. And sometimes comedy show attendees want to take a picture with you – perhaps it’s my borderline circus height in some cases, other times it might be because they want to remember a comedian they liked or some just want masturbation material. Well, the only person who asked for a photo after Thursday’s show fell into this third category. And yes, it was a dude.
During my set, a gentleman raised his hand during my set and attempted to ask a question. It was rather bizarre since stand up comedy is not usually a Q & A, unless you are some douchey college comedian who tries to “engage the audience with post show discussion on social issues” so that you seem like more than a third-tier college grad who tells base fart and race jokes under the guise of relating to young people. The guy seemed nice enough so I did not mock him too much for his raising his hand. (by the way I am in the process of trying to do exactly what I just criticized two sentences ago with a couple of racially ambiguous comedians – what a fu*king sell out!)
Well after the show this man, although slightly drunker at this point, came up to me and told me how great I was and asked for a picture. Now at this point, based on his slight handshake, effeminate facial expressions and erection poking from his khakis I was able to surmise he was gay. But since I don’t discriminate when it comes to people who like my comedy I said sure. Well, as his partner tried to take the photo there were some malfunctions which allowed my new fan to keep his arm around me for what would be an uncomfortable amount of time had he been a large breasted women, let alone a dude. But I had reached a point of no return. I just had to bear a creepy hand on the small of my back for about 15 seconds or 45 minutes in creepchill factor.
The photo has not been tagged on any Facebook pages yet, but if anyone sees my face in any gay porn photos they are photoshopped. I am not homophobic, but I am homophotophobic. An ex of mine once said to me that she thought every straight man should have to hang out in a gay bar so they can experience what women go through with men (because every man apparently wants to alter the sexuality of a woman with an act she finds contrary to her very being? just more dumb woman logic from someone who thought herself smart). Of course this is the same woman who defended her having had HPV by saying that “all women get it” (official stats – 25% of women contract it, which is only slightly above “all whores get it”). Needless to say I disagree and won’t be hanging out in any gay bars unless they start buying my CDs.
After the show I went to a local bar with the headliner Jimmy Shubert. At the bar we were greeted by some fans from the show. Lets just summarize that part of the evening by saying women take rejection a lot worse than men. I have a girlfriend and have no intention of coming back to NYC with anything, but a bunch of unsold CDs and 5 more pounds of fast food body weight. A man has no problem with rejection because, like a sexual terrorist, we only need to be right once. If a guy hits on 100 women in one night and one of those women agrees to have sexual relations the guy calls the night a huge success. For a woman, the name of the game is national defense. Reject everything until she decides that someone is worthy of a vaginal green card. But if a woman tries to throw herself at a dude and he is not interested for any number of reasons, she is almost invariably a rude nightmare for the rest of the time that you are in the same room. In this day and age of sexual equality (which is a myth – it’s just women wanting more money at work, less pressure to have kids (which is sometimes a sour grapes reaction to men getting to have more pre-martial sex than earlier generations) and still wanting the man to provide and pick up the tab like it’s still the 1950s) women need to start getting better at handling rejection.
Friday – 2 Great Shows and a Card in the Snow
Friday’s shows were awesome. Same as Thursday, but even more people in attendance than on Thursday made these shows even more electric (please gay dude from Thursday’s show, if you are on this blog, do not read anything into me using the word electric in my description. The Rock referred to himself as electrifying and if a buff dude running around in tights on a stage isn’t the model for heterosexuality than I don’t know what is). Then some fun things after the second show
I have a bit about Big and Tall Stores –
Well, a “rather robust woman,” to quote Shallow Hal, came up to me with a look that was either “I think he’s funny” or “I fu*king hate him” and said “Just to let you know I give great head to my black boyfriend.” Only in comedy or pornography could you have done your job well and hear something like this afterwards.
Leaving the club I observed one of my cards on the ground in the snow. Maybe that woman came back from “Chicago Trip Part 1” came back for revenge. So no matter how well a night goes in comedy, there is almost always a chance for something to ruin it. Last night it was seeing my picture on the snowy ground of Chicago.
3 big shows tonight at Zanies – 7, 9, 11 pm
My final Chicago write up will be Monday when I return to NYC.