I did not realize that the Oscar nominations came out this morning, but when I did there were no big surprises.  Just a lot of frustration.

BEST PICTURE

‘Black Swan’
‘The Fighter’
‘Inception’
‘The Kids Are All Right’
‘The King’s Speech’
‘127 Hours’
‘The Social Network’
‘Toy Story 3’
‘True Grit’
‘Winter’s Bone’

My first beef is that Inside Job is not nominated.  A brilliant, penetrating documentary that is the scariest film since The Exorcist.  If you told me that Hollywood did not want to be too political so they did not select a film that clearly (but completely justifiably) lays most (but certainly not all) of the blame for our country’s economic woes at the feet of Republicans I would accept that.  But then explain…

The Kids Are All Right.  This movie is so fu*king average it is absurd.  But it has lesbians in a regular relationship.  WOW!!!!  Unlike Milk or Brokeback Mountain, which actually showed hardship and triumph in gay rights and gay relationships, this movie is just a bland, unfunny and unmoving film.  But it is about gay people and it does not suck so Hollywood has showered praise on it.  If not for The Blind Side last year, this would be the best case for moving the nominations back to five films a year.

True Grit – No doubt it would be nominated, but this movie was just not as great as everyone is pretending.  Everyone who was late to The Big Lebowski or No Country For Old Men has jumped on this bandwagon because they don’t want to miss the next “cool” movie from the Coen Brothrs or Jeff Bridges.  It was a solid movie, but the chronological error pointed out by Adam Carolla on his podcast a few weeks ago (I won’t spoil the ending by saying what it is) alone should knock it from the ranks.

Black Swan – Eh.  This is the movie for the pretentious, artsy folk who also pretend to love jazz music and modern art.  The movie kept my attention for sure and is not bad, but I think I am still bitter over The Wrestler getting fu*ked over.  And Darren Aronofsky – can you please come up with a different ending to your movies.  It was like watching The Wrestler if he had been a pouty, one-expression waif.

The King’s Speech – First off – can people stop introducing Colin Firth as “the handsome” or “the very handsome” Colin Firth.  He is like the male Cate Blanchette – the actress that Hollywood keeps calling beautiful even though no straight man gets even a little extra blood flow for.  But this movie has everything Hollywood likes – a lame disability like stuttering (for the Glee crowd that keeps talking about bullying), British actors and a backdrop of Nazi Germany (thank God – we almost made it a year without a major Hollywood film invoking the Holocaust).  The movie was solid and like Black Swan, and True Grit worthy of no more than a B+.  The Kids Are All Right is a solid C.  And the fact that Carlos is not nominated is also a fu*king joke.

And in the spirit of full disclosure I agree with Toy Story 3, The Social Network, The Fighter and of course Inception.  I have not seen Winter’s Bone yet, but it is on pay-per-view.

BEST ACTOR

Javier Bardem, ‘Biutiful’
Jeff Bridges, ‘True Grit’
Jesse Eisenberg, ‘The Social Network’
Colin Firth, ‘The King’s Speech’
James Franco, ‘127 Hours’

I have not seen Biutiful (Javier Bardem), but Edgar Ramirez of Carlos was off the charts awesome.  Speaking four languages over the course of a 5 hour film, weight gains of around 40 pounds and being a complex character seems like a combination of Christophe Waltz in Inglorious Basterd and Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull, but he was not worthy of a nomination I guess.

That said I will be pissed if James Franco does not win.  Then again he did not stutter during the movie so his chances are slim.

BEST DIRECTOR

Darren Aronofsky, ‘Black Swan’
David O. Russell, ‘The Fighter’
Tom Hooper, ‘The King’s Speech’
David Fincher, ‘The Social Network’
Joel and Ethan Coen, ‘True Grit’

WHERE THE FU*K IS CHRISTOPHER NOLAN!??????????  That is all I need to say.

BEST ACTRESS

Annette Bening, ‘The Kids Are All Right’
Nicole Kidman, ‘Rabbit Hole’
Jennifer Lawrence, ‘Winter’s Bone’
Natalie Portman, ‘Black Swan’
Michelle Williams, ‘Blue Valentine’

Who gives a sh*it.  I suppose it is down to Annette Benning (which is what I think Warren Beatty said when his penis was tired of slaying Hollywood) and Natalie Portman.  At least they are better than The Blind Side.  But don’t blame my indifference.  Hollywood uses about 95% of its female-directed energy making stars out of hot, untalented women (I’m talking to you Precious) so that the only time a woman is nominated from a movie people care about is when it involves Merryl Streep or Kate Winslet.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Christian Bale, ‘The Fighter’
John Hawkes, ‘Winter’s Bone’
Jeremy Renner, ‘The Town’
Mark Ruffalo, ‘The Kids Are All Right’
Geoffrey Rush, ‘The King’s Speech’

Bale – deserved and the race is over.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Amy Adams, ‘The Fighter’
Helena Bonham Carter, ‘The King’s Speech’
Melissa Leo, ‘The Fighter’
Hailee Steinfeld, ‘True Grit’
Jacki Weaver, ‘Animal Kingdom’

Reiterating my point – the best roles for women are consistently in this category because most great movies are built around men so this is the category where you can often see great roles in relevant movies for women.  Amy Adams, Melissa Leo or Hailee Steinfeld would all be worthy winners.  Fu*k The King’s Speech (on principle, not because it is terrible) and what’s Animal Kingdom?

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

‘Another Year’
‘The Fighter’
‘Inception’
‘The Kids Are All Right’
‘The King’s Speech’

Inception is the most original story in a movie I can think of in a long time – The Usual Suspects comes to mind as the last extremely original film I can think of.  Any other choice in this category is a fu*king joke (only because of how awesome Inception was).

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

‘127 Hours’
‘The Social Network’
‘Toy Story 3’
‘True Grit’
‘Winter’s Bone’

The Social Network.  Aaron Sorkin can fu*king write circles around people.

BEST DOCUMENTARY

‘Exit Through the Gift Shop’
‘Gasland’
‘Inside Job’
‘Restrepo’
‘Waste Land’

I saw Restrepo and Inside Job.  I have heard Exit Through the Gift Shop is very good, but if ever there was a time for the Hollywood blowhards to make a political statement it should have been to nominate Inside Job for Best Picture.  A best picture nomination raises the profile of a movie.  A best documentary nomination simply confirms the film’s image as some geeky, academic exercise.  Perhaps if Inside Job had spoken of how the banking industry had hurt gay couples and Holocaust survivors it would have been nominated.  Lesson for all you filmmakers out there.