Sh-t!!!

Today it was announced that Wimbledon (not the movie with Kirsten Dunst, the tennis tournament featuring jacked black women from Compton) will be paying their women competitors as much as their male counterparts. I, for one, am not ready. Do these women pay for dinners? Do they have paternity suits left and right? Probably not. Sure, women’s tennis is a bigger draw than men’s these days, but can any of them beat Roger Federer? The answer is no and until they can they should make $53,000 less for winning the tournament. But this is just part of a larger conspiracy.

Harvard, in response to their past president’s comments about women having smaller brains (maybe that was Borat) or being weaker in math and science, has named its first female president. An audacious move definitely, but look at how Harvard eased into this:

1) The woman’s name is Drew. Her first name. That is a man’s name.

2) She looks like Janet Reno’s butch cousin.

Steps like this allow men to ease into a world where equality is demanded.

So now we must discuss the biggest change of all – a possible female President of the United States. She would be only the second president, after Abraham Lincoln, to have sex with a man (according to some book that “came out” last year). I commend her for trying to look tough and seem less feminine, but she is still a little too much woman for this to work now. So I say to everyone – be patient. One of these days there will be a woman who is man enough to be president.