Updates – My Book, the Utah Jazz & Miami

1) 25,000 words into my book, which makes it the equivalent of one-third of a New Yorker article.  It is coming along nicely and I think I will reach my preliminary writing goal of having a first draft done by the end of the Summer.  The scorched earth sections of the book have not been written yet, but rest assured they will be in there.  I must say though, reliving deeply personal moments both in life and comedy is a pretty interesting experience.  Just remind me not to pop pills with any Olsen twins until it’s finished.

4 months left on my self-imposed book deadline. Here is an artist's rendering of what I will look like on September 1st.

2) The Utah Jazz are in the Western Conference Semi-Finals.  I do not think they will win simply because the Lakers resemble a team of kids that has all the tall kids and no matter how good the little kids are they cannot compete with the height issue.  So my strategy is simple for the Jazz. In the first quarter of tomorrow’s game 1, when Kobe Bryant, or better yet, Ron Artest goes in for a layup – lay them out.  Playing basketball against Ron Artest, which I did once at a Summer camp when I was a high school senior, is a lot like prison – you find the baddest guy and you stab him in the throat.  Assuming there are no shanks on the Jazz bench I recommend getting someone either desperate enough or crazy enough to attack Artest and you lay him out.  The message is, we don’t fear you.  Real message – you should be scared playing basketball against us.  If he was not so old I could see Coach Jerry Sloan doing it himself.  I would like to see the Jazz win obviously, but the Lakers height is such a bad match-up.

Artest and Kobe - I'll show you who's tough!

And people who like the Lakers generally suck.  Celebrities, fans of glitz and fair-weather chumps are the main form of Laker support.  Anyone else in their fan base?

And the Pau Gasol trade is still the biggest theft/sweetheart arrangement in NBA history.  Shame on you NBA.

3) Going to Miami for a week on Monday.  I will try to write from there, but I will probably be too busy placing sunglasses on right before someone plays We Won’t Get Fooled Again.

Looks like J-L won't be doing any mics for a week... YEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!

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