Day 1 – September 6th

So yesterday I woke up at 5:30 am in a Rocky style eagerness to go running and workout. After 45 minutes of rolling around and gathering my strength I put on the shorts and t-shirt, strapped the Ipod on my arm (with a mix of Johnny Cash, The Fray, Green Day and Toto) and began running. After about 4 miles I arrived at my gym and did a back/tris workout (Wednesdays are back and tris – it’s boring, but it’s part of my life).

So now that I had done my training montage I was in a mood to do some comedy. But I had to go to work for 8 hours first. But with Boston on the horizon I was too focused to allow my office to crush my soul and imagination.

I then went on a walking tour of an area of the Bronx that is allegedly up and coming (gentrification) because I would like to buy a place on the cheap and then see its value triple over a short amount of time while communities and cultures are crushed and shipped out. Like a modern day Christopher Columbus or Harlem 2.

The first thing I saw when I got off the subway was an extremely buff dude, who I am not sure if he has the resources for a gym membership (rather disheveled and doing a hand-to hand drug exchange in front of me. There is only one place where guys can get buff without paying a gym membership and it starts with a P and ends with a Rape. After seeing that there were a lot of bed stores, baby stores and hair care salons (get hair done + bed store = need for baby store; supply and demand at its best) in the neighborhood I realized that I will probably be with Mom and Dad for another year. Then I got on the 5 train and went down to Otto’s for a kick ass show.

With Boston on my mind I did an 8 minute set that had the precision of a 1st grader’s self-portrait in art class. It was a mess. I was all over the place, still trying to nail down some newer jokes, especially about my Dad. On of my favorite new jokes is about the two Haitians that were arrested as part of an alleged terror cell in Florida, plotting to blow up the Sears Tower:

“I don’t know if you guys know this but Haitians are rather poor. I mean do they really have access to terror weapons. I mean what would they do to the Sears Tower give it (highly insensitive immune system disease reference) and poverty? Wow, before 8/11 the Sears Tower was majestic. Now it is depressing, the plumbing doesn’t work and the literacy rate among employees has plummeted. If you want to keep Haitians out of the Sears Tower, the solution is simple – just put a few Coast Guards outside – they can keep Haitians out all the time. Unless of course the Haitians learn Spanish and are mistaken for Cubans, at which point the Coast Guard will let them in.”

A touchy joke – I know and probably not Boston ready, but a joke that I like nonetheless.

So my dilemma is that by tonight’s open mics I need to know my 5 minutes for Sunday. If anyone has any suggestions or favorites I will gladly take them. More updates tomorrow.