Dispatch from BWI. Today I left NYC on a 3:00 am Amtrak to catch a 915 am flight from BWI to Cleveland (travel for free will make me do annoying things to myself, but I have Amtrak points to cover the train trip and I had enough points on Southwest to get to Cleveland for free round trip from BWI, but not from NYC. But it is not all bad news. Thanks to some good luck I will be staying in a nice hotel instead of the comedian condo. Perhaps this is just luck, or perhaps my no-holds barred, bridge burning, career destroying blog tactics have gained me a measure of fear among bookers and managers (to paraphrase Walter White – I AM THE ONE WHO BLOGS)! But probably just luck.
Either way, I am too tired to write much, but I have already experienced something funny, or at least memorable. Because the diner was closed (July 31st-August 1st – great timing) I had to eat breakfast at McDonald’s when I arrived through security. There is no level of satire that could parody the experience of a 645 am trip to the BWI McDonalds. I feel like the service style was one of such hostile apathy that it would make the most hardened fast food employees stop and take notice. I know it is McDonald’s and the pay sucks, but to combine apathy with hostility takes some effort. Saying “can I help whose next would you like to try the egg white surprise” in the form of one word, delivered in monotone and just repeating it with increasing volume so that some intimidated Midwestern couple in their 50s hop to attention takes a real dedication, as do the dozens of tattoos adorning the arms of the women of BWI McDonalds. The best is when the food is ready they drop it off to a spot 3 feet from you and no matter how many people reach to be handed the food it was consistently placed just outside of the reach of the customer, yours truly included. It felt like the whole staff were women who were deemed “too tough and nasty” to play Snoop on The Wire. Oh well, time to get on the flight to Cleveland.
Review of 2 Guns tomorrow. Shows all weekend starting tonight at the Cleveland Improv.