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New Video Asks: What If Your Favorite TV Bad…

With Sons of Anarchy ending recently, many of the bad boys of the golden age of television are dead and gone (some literally, some just figuratively).  Walter White, Jax Teller, Tony Soprano and Dexter Morgan just to name a few.  But while these men got away with season upon season of violence and anti-heroics, what might have happened to these characters had they been black? Well, that question is answered in this new video:

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on iTunes and/or STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe for free!

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Donald Sterling to Accept Position as 10 pm Anchor…

The NBA dropped the hammer on Donald Sterling, punishing him for saying racist comments to his girlfriend (cannot wait for her VH1 show Senior Citizen Dumpster) and for basically embarrassing the league and making the LA Clippers a non-viable business.  Of course, the NBA and many people have known him to be a vile, almost cartoonist racist villain, fulfilling every negative stereotype he could get his fingerprints on for decades, but in this day and age, one viral strike was all it took.  And of course, good riddance, but it begs the question, where does a racist billionaire go after running and ruining an NBA franchise for so long?  Well it did not take long for one media empire to scoop up this newly available talent full of fresh ideas on business, race and paternalism.  That is right, Donald Sterling is going to Fox News!  The decision was actually announced at 1:30pm when Fox News learned that Sterling would be given a lifetime ban.  “We could not be more thrilled to have acquired the talents of Donald Sterling today,” said Fox news President Roger Ailes, “He is a proven business leader in real estate and sports, a creator, not a taker, a man not afraid to say unpopular things and younger than our core demographic. so he should really help us reel in the next generation of racist centenarians!”

While this may seem like a controversial hire, some of Fox News’ highest profile people think it will be a slam dunk.  “Some of my best friends are black,” said Sean Hannity, “but let’s be honest they do smell and Donald Sterling still gave them food and shelter and cars.  That is a compassionate conservative I can believe in.”

“The pinheads on the left can whine all they want, we now own the 90-110 white demographic,” shouted a demonstrably pleased Bill O’ Reilly.

The show does not have a title yet, but rumors have it that some possibilities thrown around by Team Sterling are “Ivory and Ivory,” “Slumlord Billionaire,” and “Sharecrop Stories.”  A feature of the new show that seems to have a lot of traction in early meetings is tentatively called “Nigstagram” in which Sterling will showcase various women on Instagram with black men and then rate them on a scale from “Race Traitor” to “She Can Still Have Sex with Me for Money”

Sterling is said to be disappointed in the NBA’s decision, but eager to begin working on his new project.  It is slated to begin in September 2014.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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The 10 People Likely To Replace Jimmy Fallon

Yes, I know we are 20 years away from having to replace Jimmy Fallon, the newly appointed host of The Tonight Show, but why not get an early start on people likely to bid for his spot.  After a brilliant podcast discussion debate yesterday (if I do say so myself) on who should/will replace Letterman, I thought why not start extrapolating into the future. And since Jimmy Kimmel is still establishing his brand as a late night staple it made sense to explore the potential replacements for Jimmy Fallon (and then maybe 20 years from now some enterprising Internet nerd will unearth this blog, if one of my suggestions is picked, and say, “this former comedian, now coaching girls’ youth basketball as a sentence for violating the 2021 federal statute against cyber insults of female athletes, called it all along!” Partially inspired by the podcast (seriously give it a listen) and also by a desire to not scorch the Earth of the comedy industry for a day (scratch that), decided on this definitive list. Enjoy!

1. Justin Timberlake – Sure he is too young and charismatic now and he is still hoping to have a second act to his musical career imitating Robin Thicke or a first act for his movie career, but around 50 Justin Timberlake will realize he is the perfect combination of famous, friendly and vanilla to kill it as a late night show host. And imagine the joy of Midwest moms twenty years from now if JT starts dancing in the aisles with them like a more feminine version of Ellen?  It will be like that moment so many of us felt seeing John Travolta dance for the first time in years in Pulp Fiction!

2. Chelsea Handler – She is never going away and she has fudged her age this long.  I am sure we will all accept her as 46 years old in 2034.

3. Mindy Kaling – I have heard she is funny, she is brown, but in a tech support way that even real Amurrrricans find useful and she is a woman.  This could work for sure in the future  if she does not branch out to movie stardom, but just remains a friendly TV presence.

 

4. Jay Leno – Think of it almost like a re-boot to end our love of re-boots and, with continued advances in medicine many of his fans may still be alive in huge numbers in 2034.

5. A transgender woman who identifies as she-male with tomboy tendencies.  Isn’t it a matter of time before every group clamors for not just social acceptance, but social elevation?  I look forward to the XOJane.com article, “Isn’t it time we had a host that was not restricted by Facebook’s 50 puritanical choices for gender identification?”

6. Mark Normand – NYC comedian is friendly, funny, has a late night show host’s cadence and has been on more top ten up and comer lists than Belle Knox.  This is the 10,0000 to 1 shot I would place a $50 bet on today.

 

7. Chris Hardwick – As Twitter and other forms of social media continue their onslaught on what comedy used to be this guy has already hosted so many television programs Jesus Christ refers to him as the Lord of Hosts.  And maybe by 2034 late night television will be some virtual reality experience where only the technically superior reign.  Like the future in the Terminator movies except with some guy screaming “POINTS!”

8. Mario Lopez – If George Lopez has not eviscerated America’s hopes that a Latino/Chicano can be funny, given the demographics of the country and Mario Lopez ability to be on television for two decades, maybe he could be a Tonight Show host.

 

9. This Kid 

10. Belle Knox – The aforementioned Duke University porn dabbler whose story continues to change and be modified to avoid criticism has proven that she is media savvy, intelligent and is willing to do the thing most important to advancement in Hollywood: suck di*k.  So hopefully by 2034 we can be done with the oppressive patriarchy of society and pick a host willing to turn late night television into HBO’s Real Sex, so kids without cable can see fun stuff too (assuming the Internet has blown itself up by 2034)

Sadly the list is still heavily male dominant, but I have to leave something for the Jezebel 2034 website to complain about (and then nominate the first group of famous women they can think of).

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free! 

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Tyler Perry and Adam Sandler Collaborated on The Worst…

It is a question that film fans have been asking for over a decade: what if the two consistently worst movie makers in Hollywood joined forces and made a movie that could truly be called historic?  Well in this month’s JLComedy video, the question gets answered.  It has something for both casual and die hard fans of both artists.  Excessive body fluid gags and stupid voices to make Sandler fans happy and heavy handed Christian themes (including a Perry favorite – giving AIDS to anyone who acts wrongly – read this for background), and bad writing for Perry enthusiasts.  So without further adieu, enjoy this instant masterpiece, “Happy Madison Presents ‘Tyler Perry’s Old Testament, New Problem'”

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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My New Carolla Video and a Great Opportunity

Well, the video that Adam Carolla’s producer asked me to make is up and ready thanks to some great and expeditious work from my usual crew.  The better news is that Carolla’s producer loved the video and will have me on the show next week I think.  It is a great chance to reach his hundreds of thousands of listeners and meet one of my biggest role models in the comedy game (naturally his self-made, outsider role is what I have been trying to emulate on a much, much smaller and more financially precarious level for the last couple of years).  I hope this is the start of something really big for me (maybe not, but breaks don’t come along too often and I am glad I made this one without industry, PR, management or any other typical gate keeper for any decent opportunity for a comedian).  So I will keep you posted, but for now please enjoy the new video (admittedly it is mainly for Carolla fans to enjoy”):

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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The Comedy Academy Finale! – Comedy Central

Well, today is the unveiling of the final episode of Comedy Academy.  Thanks to all the comedians, actors and crew that helped make it a success.  The final episode is a perfect ending to the series, as the students are treated to a seminar from Comedy Central talent scouts.  Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE like the videos, share them with comedy fans or fans of impressions and subscribe to the channel.  The more attention this series can get, the more likely it is that I can produce more stuff like it in the future. So here is Comedy Academy Episode 9:

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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The Anti-Person of the Year Nominees

Time has announced that Pope Francis has beat out nine other finalists to win Time’s Person of the Year.  Now before social media wannabe Christopher Hitchenses being dissecting this in the comment section this is NOT to discuss the choice of the Pope, though I think it is a fine choice.  After all the criteria for Person of the Year is that it is “bestowed by the editors on the person or persons who most affected the news and our lives, for good or ill, and embodied what was important about the year. ”  This is why I will always consider it illegitimate when they snubbed Osama Bin Laden in 2001 in favor for the more politically correct Rudy Giuliani.  “What else do I have to do?!” bin Laden was heard yelling from a cave in December 2001.  But by that criteria, the Pope is a respectable choice.  I was disappointed to not see any of my finalists for J-L’s person of the year on the Time list (Bryan Cranston, Cleveland hero Charles Ramsey, the brunette in the Blurred Lines video and the guy who made the unedited Blurred Lines video), but c’est la vie.

However, I think in this day and age of insignificant, on-line life we need to adapt the Time formula and pick an anti-person of the year as well.  This does not necessarily mean an inanimate object or non-human, nor someone who is explicitly a misanthrope (though I am potentially a candidate). It means the person, entity, organization or anything else who/that made life a little more useless and insignificant, but did so in an incredibly exhaustive and ubiquitous way.  My nominees are:

  1. Upworthy.com – “A website makes dozens of headlines intended to awe and inspire you, but the ceaseless repetition and posting of these stories will shock you with how much they irritate you.”
  2. Kanye West – he is a tough one to put on the list because he still works and produces music, but when a fake website can post that you said you were the next Mandela and most people believe it, you have to be up for this dishonor
  3. Buzzfeed.com – when you mix prime numbers, lists and unimportant information about things both important and unimportant you have shoot to the top of the list.  If Lean on Me took place in 2013 instead of the 1980s, Joe Clark would be screaming at Sams “You like Buzzfeed don’t ya. You know what it does? It kills your brain cells son!”
  4. Statefarm’s Discount Double Check Slogan/Ad Campaign – a constant presence during broadcasts of America’s #1 sport.  It is destroying comedy, Sundays and Aaron Rodger’s Q rating.
  5. #Hashtag
  6. New York professional sports – it was bad enough Boston tried to steal NYC’s 9/11 tragedy thunder with an under-10-death marathon tragedy, but now NY sports teams have basically become a second rate Midwestern town in terms of success compared to Boston.  That is a lot of failure in America’s #1 media market.
  7. Instantaneous jokes about dead celebrities.  These are everywhere, though rarely funny.  The quickest joke became more important than the best joke.  Just when social media couldn’t cheapen the cost of comedy anymore, leave it to the Internet to cheapen the value of the joke a little bit extra.
  8. Knockout Game – from the kids that play it, to the media that paints an exaggerated and fear-mongering picture of it, to the Internet posts full of barely veiled racism, it represents a nice symbolic cross section of what ails America.
  9. Ron Burgundy – seriously go away. The sequel is not even out yet and I am bored of all the promotions.
  10. Texting while walking – seriously, not since the outbreak of AIDS have so many been so silent about something so awful.  When the book And The Cu*t Walked On is made about the early fight against rude people walking while buried in their phones, implicitly demanding that more conscientious citizens make way for them, I expect to be featured as an early hero.

CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENT SECTION.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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What Mandela Meant to Me… by A Typical Comedian

When I heard of Nelson Mandela’s death last week it hit me on a profound level, most likely deeper than anyone outside of Mr. Mandela’s immediate family.  Most people would rank Mr. Mandela on a level somewhere in the Gandhi-Martin Luther King-Abraham Lincoln section of History, reserved for the greatest citizens of the human race, but to me he was so much more.  He was an inspiration, a role model and a mentor.

When I was beginning my career in stand up comedy, while moonlighting as an administrative assistant for 45 hours a week, I began reading the back of Mr. Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk to Freedom.  I did not have the patience to read the book, nor the money to purchase it, but I read the back cover as I camped out in a Barnes & Noble for two hours, impeding people trying to walk around the store, all while making a fort out of all the copies of the book as I ate a Starbucks scone.  It was really inspiring and I decided that I would make my comedy career a tribute to Mr. Mandela’s legacy.  I was so motivated that just a day after reading those first few pages I rented the movie Invictus and once again felt like Mr. Mandela was telling me personally to have patience and forgiveness to succeed in the tough world of stand up comedy.

Now this would already permanently link Mr. Mandela and I when our histories are written, but the greatest moment of my stand up career was definitely when Mr. Mandela came to one of my shows.  Obviously I was a little nervous.  After all this was a guy who was, according to the LA Times Book Review, a “page turner” (that’s what the back cover said at least).  But I did my guest spot and was amazed when after the show, Mr. Mandela asked to speak with me.  He shook my hand and said, “Robben Island was tough, but I don’t think even I could have the courage to do stand up comedy.” I laughed, but he looked me in the eye without a trace of humor said, “I am not making a joke.  You have true courage and you are one of my heroes.”  He then embraced me in a strong hug for a man of his age.  It is a moment I will never forget and truly gave me the strength to fight on to try and make it in comedy.

Next week I celebrate my 7th month in comedy and as difficult as it has been and as slow as my progress in the business has been I swear that I will honor my hero and my friend Mr. Nelson Mandela and pursue comedy until I make it or until three years in the business, whichever comes first.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

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The Aftermath… Greatest Comments on “Louis CK Tells the…

Yesterday I posted a video to the Internet.  It is over 100,000 views as of today. It took less than 24 hours for it to double my total YouTube views of four years.  So needless to say it was pretty cool to see it getting shared everywhere.  And thanks to the comedians who seemed to wholeheartedly embrace it and more importantly, understand it.  But if all the praise were universal that would be no fun, especially for me.  I like to stay humbled and I like to hear what the average Internet viewer thinks about content and about content providers. And thanks to YouTube, Laughspin, and Huffington Post I have a wealth of positive and thoughtful comments to keep me encouraged as I develop my next video (which may be another comedy video or involve an impression of Biggie, The Rock or President Obama). So before sharing with you my favorite ten comments from the last 24 hours, please enjoy (and share) the video:

So without further adieu here are my favorite unedited comments (thanks to all the people who posted nice compliments, but you did not make the cut):

HUFFINGTON POST:

1. Unfunny. I suppose that was the point, but many people like Louis CK. Had this been about Dane Cook, it’d be hilarious.

2. Boy he sucks. Go back to Elvis impersonations you wad.

3. Wow. Embarrassingly unfunny. Who did this guy blow to get this kind of publicity?

LAUGHSPIN (which primed the audience by titling the article “Comedians mocks Louis CK” completely buying in to what I made fun of – the non-judgmental hero worship of the comedy deity CK has been turned into)

1.The ravings of a jealous comedian addicted to the bitter aftertaste of sour grapes. This guy can only mock someone else’s success instead of getting off his lazy ass and creating something original and dare I say, humorous. Not worthy of your publication’s time or space.

And save the best for last… YOUTUBE

1. this is so awful. Impression was well done

2. this is like louis ck at his worst. comedy sucked, impression was good otherwise.

3. this would have been funny if someone as good as louis ck had written it for you

4. the only part missing in your impression was actually being funny

5. this is fucking cringeworthy

6. this is garbage

7. You captured the man’s voice effectively. (Sorry I had to include this – like a polite person got lost in a shitty dive bar known as YouTube)

8. imagine how much less funny this would be if it didn’t refer to Louis C.K

9. I am all about trying to make fun of anyone but this was painfully unfunny. This guy sucks

10. You could literally do this to any comedian, pretty stupid and pointless to hate on C.K.

11. Any time someone no one knows or has ever heard of tries to make a name by talking shit about someone who deserves everything he has because he’s earned it, it comes off as sour grapes.

12. GO SKATE INTO AN AIDS TREE YOU MOTHERFUCKER

So I take it as a badge of honor that the 10-15% of viewers who have responded negatively to the video do not understand satire, parody or the idea of an impression.  But most importantly they have proved the bigger point – that Louis CK has achieved an infallibility in their minds, which is what makes him ripe for parody.  So thanks to everyone else who got it – you are in the 80+ IQ club.  Everyone else – good luck with your lives and thanks for giving me a blog post for the day!

Now I just have to grasp the fact that any success that comes from this will be a result of YouTube, Twitter and Louis CK fans, three things I am always complaining about.

Dont forget to buy tickets to my new stand up album recording May 18th 9pm in New York City HERE

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic or iTunes