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My First Day As A Thespian

Yesterday was my first day of acting class.  I only heard the phrase “in the moment” twice and “craft” once so in three and a half hours I think I can accept that rate of occurrence.   Today I already found myself studying the actors on The West Wing in a different way (for those not following my “tweets”I have mowed down 4 seasons of The West Wing on DVD in the last 3 weeks).  Most of those actors have honed their craft and are constantly in the moment so I guess I will continue to study them as I hone my craft and try to get in the moment, preferably while being courageous and bold in my acting.

In this repetition/improv drill we were doing yesterday I was told my observational skills were very good, but that my responses were too stiff and unemotional) anybody casting bodyguards and large robots – I am available).  I then had to tell my teacher that I studied under Keanu Reeves for three years so she will have to undo that training.  To help me loosen up my teacher had me do the repetition drill, with a female partner, but with our noses touching throughout the exercise.   I had a few thoughts during this exercise:

  1. I am glad I did not drink a muscle milk before class and am glad that I no longer have a cold so that my breath wouldn’t kill my partner.
  2. Just having my nose touching the nose of a woman during an acting exercise made me realize how awkward sex scenes must be in movies.  I would say porn would be even more awkward except a lot of those people stopped having feelings midway through the gang rape/molestation/abandonment-issue-repression that drove them to their current career so it may not be that awkward for them.
  3. I am a better comedian than actor.

Well, that is all I have for today.  If James Lipton is reading this my favorite curse word is cu_t.

Go Magic.

Blog

Inside My Acting Studio

Tonight I begin taking an acting class.  I figure if I can expand my skill set beyond stand up and add acting to my entertainment resume I will double my chance of exposure and “making it” to 1 in 500,000.   Getting into comedic acting seems to be like getting into  SUV manufacturing in Detroit.   Great dramas are not really being made either.  The Sopranos, The Wire and The West Wing have given way Jay Leno’s Comedy Hour on NBC and the largest collection of stupid, unrealistic crime shows ever compiled known as CBS.

So, with the American people and television executives conspiring to produce cheap, thoughtless entertainment I asked the acting coach one question: Can You make Me A Reality Television Star?

She responded with many more questions for me:

Are you an abrasive black woman?  No.

Are you a wealthy, bitchy white woman between the age of 16 and 54? No.

Can you sing? No.

Are you morbidly obese?  Not yet.

Are you incredibly stupid? No.

Can you dance?  Not really.

Can you cook? No.

Are you flamingly gay and good at knitting? No and no.

Are you in a terrible relationship and feel like doing a lot of travelling? Nope.

Are you poor and in need of a new home?  Not yet.

Have you appeared in any sex videos or done anything to completely shame your family? Not to my knowledge.

Do you have a ton of kids and are willing to be a terrible and abusive parent by putting their lives in front of a camera for a voyeuristic and increasingly stupid American people? No and no.

Well then it looks like you better hope that stand up comedy works out for you.