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Road Comedy Recap: House of the Mohegan Sun

Last Thursday I performed for the first time in 11 years at Comix Roadhouse, the comedy club located at Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT.  Here is the blog I wrote after my performance in 2013  Despite my optimism I was never booked again at the club until last week.  It was a live Making Podcasts Great Again episode and, as always, I delivered a masterpiece. But like so much of my comedy career, the show was only a part of the story. So here we go!

For the trip I had to pack my suit, props and overnight stuff, which was more cumbersome than the usual overnight comedy gig. So with a small bag and a garment bag I lumbered to the 4:43pm NJ transit after a full day of remote legal work and then made the 5:49 train to Valhalla, NY, with only a few minutes to spare, to meet my show co-host, Jay.  He picked me up at the train and we made the 2 hour and change ride to Mohegan Sun.

When we got to the casino at 8:50pm I checked in to the hotel with my hips killing me (like most big dogs I am having hip pain as I deteriorate rapidly) and made an incredibly long walk to the Earth tower.  I guess it’s called Earth, because it… kept me grounded:

I got to my room, which was nice and proceeded to change into my Navy suit.  In addition to being in terrible shape (which as an unintentional method actor, makes for perfect role play as Trump), I also am conscious to commit multiple fashion faux pas as Trump (my Black shoes and belt with my blue suit). As I stared at myself in my numerous hotel room mirrors I had an ever more commonly occurring thought, “what the fu*k am I doing?”

Once I arrived at the club I ordered a chicken fingers and Pepsi backstage because I am a 6’7″ 300 lb child.  I put my wig on, ran through some segments with Jay and then went out on stage after our comedian opener was done.

The live Trump shows have really been some of my best work as a comedian and performer

As I discovered in Vegas in March, I am even better doing the Trump show live than I am on the podcast.  You will be able to listen to the episode this week and watch it (if you are a Patreon member of the show).  We had some fans at the show and many casino attendees just looking for something to do.  After the show a woman who was in Trump attire and a huge MAGA fan told me she loved the show (my politics are clear, but some MAGA folk still find the show funny). I then shared a drink and cheesecake with a fan named Bruce (I had a slice of cheesecake and he had a beer) after the show.  My fans know that the sad state of my career has a distinct benefit – more attention to individual fans!

I bid Bruce adieu and then went to sleep in the Earth tower at around 1 am.  And then at 3 am my TV turned on by itself to the welcome screen. It was so disorienting that I assumed that it was daybreak. But after my old man piss I stumbled back to the bed and looked at the clock and realized I just had horrible luck. Despite the comfort and pitch blackness of the room, the TV must have decided that my diet and stress were not enough to guarantee a heart attack – I need horrible sleep every night as well!

I woke up at 730 the next morning, checked out and had some Starbucks burnt-ass coffee before ordering my Lyft to the New London, CT Amtrak station.  We had a pleasant ride for the most part and I learned that 24 hours earlier, my Lyft driver had found out that he had a son he had never known about. Through 23 & me he found out he had a son with a one night stand in California when they were both 16.  His son is now in his 30s, was a military veteran, cop and retired MMA fighter, at which point I said, make sure he knows that you had no idea he existed!  And also please make sure he doesn’t know I exist because that is an aggressive pro-Trump triple crown.

Eventually I got home at 140pm that day and was greeted by Cookie with the usual smattering of whimpers and tail wags.  Unlike 2013, however, despite an even better performance this time, I am guessing this is my Last of the Mohegan.  Head to the calendar to get tickets to our NJ and NYC shows this Fall.

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Road Comedy Recap: New England, Old Problems

This past weekend I made my way to New England for shows in Boston, MA and Fairfield, CT.  The gigs featured trademarks of J-L Cauvin comedy shows: A+ material, small crowds, meager profits and travel discomfort.  I cannot think of any other witty things to put in this intro so let’s just get into it!

Boston

I made my way to Boston on the Acela, the northeast Amtrak line that gets you to Boston 20 minutes faster for only $8000 more. Unfortunately and unexpectedly, the seats on the Acela were uncomfortable for me due to my never-ending recovery from shoulder surgeries. The only comfort I had for most of the trip was the knowledge that I was not traveling with the poors.  But then I noticed the man sitting adjacent from me was watching season six of Billions.  As you should know, if you are reading my blog, which you are if you are reading this, I was in episode 5 of season 6 of Billions and I realized that this man was on episode 3 of the season.  With 3 hours until Boston I realized he would get into my episode if he continued watching.  Well, after taking a break in the snack car, I returned to my seat to see him in episode 5.  I got out my phone (what is a better photo than taking a picture of someone watching your show while you sit behind them?) and was prepared to tap him on the shoulder when I appeared on screen and say, “THAT’S ME!” in the worst Make-A-Wish ever.  And then, with less than 5 minutes before my first scene, he closed his tablet because he was getting off at the Rt 128 stop, a stop about 20 minutes before downtown Boston.  Classic J-L Jinx.

The man on the train missed out on this and other moments!

Before going to City Winery I checked into the hotel, the Boston Wharf Hotel.  My friend and opener for the night, Joe Pontillo was arriving later, but given the weather I changed my hotel from a (Tall) King bed to a Yassss Two Queen beds room. When he arrived I learned the first of many sad truths about the Boston Wharf Hotel, a hotel that looked like a million bucks and delivered 5 dollar service.  $50 parking for the night!? I asked if that came with a hooker/sex worker/vaginal entrepreneur and they said no.

Joe and I made it to the venue around 6:15 and with no one helping us get the car into the parking lot I made my way into the venue and asked for help. They told me I could go to the parking lot and buzz him in.  I went into the parking lot and no one answered the buzzer. Then some turd kicked the door stop, which left me in a cold parking lot unable to get Joe’s car into the lot and unable to get back into the venue. It felt like I was rebooting Spinal Tap into a depressing 10 minute drama.  Nothing makes you feel like a headliner than being your own, inept parking attendant.  But then, in a Shining like experience, an older Black man opened the door and let me back in (he must have sensed my despair). Once someone let Joe in we both ate some delicious pre-show salmon (my reminder that it was a Friday during Lent guilted Joe into ordering the same) and took some photos in the room posing as our green room.  Then Jocelyn, our great handler (she was guiding the ship on my last trip to Boston as well) said they wanted to delay the start of the show because a lot of ticket purchasers had not yet showed up.  Some little inside industry info – when a show has to start late because of lack of audience, that is not a great thing.  But then a bunch of people actually started filing in and I felt temporary relief.

Chairman of the City Winery Board

The show went really well (for the unvarnished truth listen to this week’s Righteous Pk Podcast) and I met several people who had come to the show just looking for comedy and thought I was great (in my years long struggle to woo comedy fans and not just bored people who like impressions, gaining people who only know me for stand up is a Godsend).  After the show Joe, my college friend Duane and I went to a nice Italian restaurant for some drinks and bites and then left to go back to the hotel.  And like a movie that you think is about to end, but then goes on for an hour more, the Boston Wharf Hotel front desk and valet now had their time to shine.  I don’t want to bore you with the details, but at 1115 pm at a luxury looking hotel, with no other customers at the front desk and no other cars seeking valet service, 40 minutes is a long time to have to wait.

In the morning, Joe and I made our way home with a stop in a Connecticut IHOP for a breakfast where Joe marveled at the speed with which I inhale 5 pancakes, 4 sausage links (insert Mike Pence running gif here) and a partridge and a pear tree.

Fairfield

After a restful Saturday it was time to perform in Fairfield. Having not seen my Mom in a few weeks I met my Mom in midtown before catching a Metro North to Fairfield.  We went to Shake Shack, at which point she handed me a stack of money to take a cab home to NJ… from Fairfield. “There’s a lot of shit going on in the subways,” my Mom told me at which point, her 6’7″ son with money and anger issues channeled Walter White said, “On the subway, I am the shit!” Like so many of the people hearing my jokes, my Mom did not get the reference.  After Shake Shack I made my way to a packed train (I wish John Wick existed and the only people he went after were people who put their feet on train seats and people who listen to music and videos on their phones in public spaces without headphones). We arrived at the station at 7pm and it was literally 50 steps from the theater.

The small theater was great and the theater said they could tape our sets on their brand new, state of the art video system.  I had brought my camera, but when I saw their set up I said I definitely wanted them to video tape on their system.  We had 25 audience members, but at least half of them appeared to be actual fans or friends of mine (thank you!) and my pay was not contingent on ticket sales, so no pressure!  I ended up having an outstanding set with all new material for my next hour and a lot of good ad libs.  And just to be safe, 15 minutes before my set I went to the video guy and confirmed that he was recording the sets.  You know where this is going…

On the train back at 1015 pm (a 90 minute train ride sitting next to a mother-daughter combo listening to loud music on one phone for the entire ride – teaching the next generation to be inconsiderate assholes warms the heart) I got a text from the show producer saying, “You are really jinxed – the theater forgot to turn on the video recording system). At this point I spiritually gave up on my comedy career.  It is not the big things that break you folks – I am still performing and keeping up hope for my special(s), despite 501 days and counting of abject despair. But when pressing record proves too big a lift for a show? – that is the stuff that breaks me.  I eventually made it home (only had to take a cab home from Newark, so “unnecessary cash from Mom” proves to once again be one of the most profitable sources of money in my stand-up comedy career – $120 profit on cab money from Mom compared to $170 profit on gig in Boston, which was a lower profit margin than my opener Joe).

Thanks to everyone who came to the shows, but more importantly, thank you to everyone who did not.  In the words of George W. Bush after a different tragedy, “I hear you!”

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Weekend Comedy Recap: Comedy Sharecropping in Connecticut

This past Saturday I had a gig at an Italian restaurant in Connecticut.  To be fair I also had a paid gig at a bar in NYC on Friday so it was basically a cash bonanza for my comedy career.  The Friday gig conflicted with the Utah Jazz- (my favorite hoops team of the last 27 years) NY Knicks game at Madison Square Garden.  The Jazz had lost 9 of their last 10 games at MSG (including the last 6 that I was in attendance for).  Last year I went to the game courtesy of Lorne Michaels’ seats (a writer on an LM show gave them to me because he was unable to go last minute and when an NYC comedian hears Utah Jazz they think of me) and the Jazz lost by about 140 points.  So of course this year I decide to take a $20 spot in NYC and predictably the Jazz won on a buzzer beater in a very exciting game.  Meanwhile at the bar show I was heckled for 20 minutes a cop during my set (the kind of heckler where after the show he/she says “hey man… I am just being me… it’s all good” which is basically what the heckler said).  My main response to him halfway through one of his unsolicited tag suggestions was “Thank you, I will be sure to stop by your station house Monday and offer tips on how to better beat up black teens.”

On Saturday morning it was time to film a new sketch. I had to construct a desk podium the night before, but after filming the sketch I donated it to Ripley-Grier studios. So not only am I a great artist, but I am also a patron of the arts. #Hero

All of this was prelude to the main event: featuring at a restaurant in Danbury, Connecticut.  Not only was there a check at the end of the show, but non-alcoholic beverages were on the house!  However, alcohol and food were full price.  First step was the $27 round trip ticket on Metro North. Upon arriving in Bridgeport it was a $30 cab ride (split with the emcee so only $15 bucks per person #blessed) to the restaurant.  There was a Dunkin Donuts next door to the restaurant so I thought, “Hey I will go to Dunkin Donuts, eat a cheap egg white sandwich and juice for dinner to save my constantly diminishing profit margin!”  But we arrived at 8pm to the restaurant and guess what time DD closed?  8pm. It was like a coherent strategy had been implemented against my financial well being.   So I went inside and ordered a lasagna at the restaurant bar.  As my profit officially dipped into double digit dollars I just instinctively began humming negro spirituals.  Here is a clip of the emcee and I right before our sets:

The sets went really well, but during the headliner’s set I got hungry so I ordered a piece of carrot cake because I knew we would be making a run for the 11:13 train (the last one to NYC for the night) and I did not want to starve on the train home (#HalfWhitePeopleProblems).  So with $1 left in my pocket I got my check and the booker’s wife drove the emcee and I to the Metro North station.  There was no time to sell CDs sadly so I ended up netting slightly less than my monthly Sprint Mobile bill.   I know the sharecropping analogy in the title may seem a stretch, but if the financial realities of a one-nighter don’t convince the reader I was also forced to sit in the comedians-only section of the Metro North train on the way back to NYC.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on iTunes and/or STITCHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe for free!