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Road Comedy Recap: The Scatman Crothers of the Boston…

It has been several years since I attended any comedy festival and 10 years since I made a good, but failed run at the Boston Comedy Festival.  But in the “hope springs eternal” mindset that rests beneath numerous layers of “fu*k this sh*t” I entered the Boston Comedy Festival again this year. My mindset was fairly practical in entering. The prize for the winner was $10,000.  With 96 competitors I figured odds were in my favor (imagine buying a $600 lottery ticket – train and hotel fare – but your odds of winning $10,000 was 1 in 96 – but really much better than that based on experience) so I entered.  Also, a much less important factor I figured was with most comics of my comedy generation either finding success or permanent obscurity it was time for me to meet the next group of comedians who might pass me by in the next five years. Either way I figured there were enough reasons to give it a shot.

So after spending several hundred dollars I went to my preliminary round Thursday night and had a really good set. And then at the end of the show when the comedians going on to the semi finals were announced I figured I was definitely in the top 5. And I may have been right, but I was not in the top 3, which was the number of comics advancing.  And just like that I felt like Scatman Crothers from the Shining. I had gotten on my Snowcat (Amtrak) and traveled many miles to show up to save the day, only to have a comedy contest ax buried in my chest.  But like many things in comedy, I am calloused at this point to where I can just sort of shrug it off in a few minutes (by contrast losing in the semi finals in 2006 took me… oh wait I am still not over that robbery).  Silver lining 2 of the 3 comics that made the semis from my prelim also made the finals, meaning that we had a disproportionate number of finalists.  The system really is rigged!

I spent the next day at the movie theater (movies and movie snacks are my alcohol) and saw Arrival (thoughtful and solid) and Magical Harry Potter Beast Creatures Movie (decent escapism, but not sure I need it to be a five movie franchise, which is what they have planned). And then, thanks to my friend comedian Jay Nog I got a spot on his Paid or Pain show as part of the festival.  The show is unique, but simple: comedians perform and the audience decides if they get paid or pain (delivered by a dominatrix – on this show a latex clad busty woman – my favorite thing on the show, other than my own humor, was seeing the comedians on the lineup talk to her in the green room like she didn’t look like a porn star – my conversation with her would have been “Did you order a pizza? Something wrong with your cable? Plumbing? Are we gonna fu*k or what??”). I was one of the two judges on the show offering witty criticism and commentary on the show and the performers.  Other than the aforementioned dominatrix I think it would be safe to say my Trump impression stole the show.  I spent the last 20 minutes speaking as Trump only, including what Trump would want from a dominatrix (“I would want Ivanka in the room because she is very hot and I would want the dominatrix to be dehydrated so when she peed on me it was a strong Trump gold color”).  I think the show will air on Sirius XM at some point – I will tweet/share the details if I get them.

After the show I had a couple of comedians and audience members tell me that I should audition for SNL. It was a nice compliment and I will get on that as soon as I find a way to make it to the semi finals of a comedy contest.

Get J-L’s new stand up albums KEEP MY ENEMIES CLOSER &  ISRAELI TORTOISE on iTunes, Amazon & Google.

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Beantown Highlights

Two great shows in Boston at Nick’s Comedy Stop this weekend.  Here are the highlights:

  • Handed out about 80 courtesy cards and only found 1 on the floor/ground/surrounding trashcans.  Highest ratio yet.
  • Best compliment that was really disgust at my show from an older woman: “Well, good job.  That was…educational.”
  • Worst positive compliment I got: “That di-k in the ass joke was hilarious!”
  • Most common compliment: “Great Obama!”
  • Best movie I saw in Boston – The Wolfman
  • Only movie I saw in Boston – The Wolfman
  • Joke that garnered almost no laughter: “NBA All Star game in Dallas this weekend, which is also known as ‘the weekend where tall black men from Dallas can walk around the Dallas shopping mall without getting harassed. ‘ Don’t want a nother Oprah situation.” Nothing.
  • Amount of Facebook fans from Boston added as of today: 0

My favorite moment of the trip actually occurred when I got off of Megabus at 4:30 am Sunday morning on 27th and 8th ave in NYC.  There were about five police cars outside of a bar called Mustang Sallys.  Many black women were yelling and shouting and several of them were walking shoeless into the 1 train station.  One shouted, “Taneesha!” And the woman who I presumed was Taneesha yelled, “I don’t care! When I see that bitch I am going to fu-k her up!”  I felt like Axl Rose getting off the bus in the Welcome to the Jungle video.  So thanks to Taneesha for giving me a short story to end what would have been a boring bullet point list about my trip to Boston.

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Boston: Less Than A Feeling

This weekend I headed up to that city known for its charm, its Patriotism and its resistance to integration efforts.  That’s right it was of to Boston, for what would be the first headlining gig I have gotten from a comedy club – Tommy’s Comedy Lounge.  If I ever see the check or cash from the gig I will be sure to frame it, like Scrooge McDuck’s first dime.

The answer for the jeopardy question: When was the first time J-L headlined at a comedy club? We will also accept, when was the last time J-L headlined a comedy club?
The answer for the jeopardy question: When was the first time J-L headlined at a comedy club? We will also accept, when was the last time J-L headlined a comedy club?

Some of the highlights:

1) Booker told me he thought I was awesome and had no idea all the sh*t I brought because he has only seen me in 5 minute spots at the Boston Comedy Festival.  That felt nice.   And then reminded me I’ve never made the Boston Festival Finals.  Fu-k.

2) Friday’s show was awesome and a lot of fun – great crowd, great tape.

3) Yankees won Game 3 while I was in Boston.

Some of the low lights:

1) 8 audience members on Saturday’s show.  Granted it was Halloween, baseball playoffs were on and it was raining, but the fact that I could not have done a bringer in NYC and I was headlining was sort of embarrassing.  Thankfully the crowd was really good, despite their small numbers.

Lesbian bar across the street from Tommy's Comedy Lounge proved a much more popular destination than my shows.
Lesbian bar across the street from Tommy's Comedy Lounge proved a much more popular destination than my shows.

2) I saw Paranormal Activity and then could not sleep very well Saturday night.  The movie was quite creepy, but what made my experience more creepy was that I was staying at the College Club of Boston, an affiliate of the Williams Club.  The room rates were very reasonable, but the place was a quiet townhouse with creaky wooden floors, lots of old paintings and rooms that looked like Bill Compton could have lived in them when he was actually alive.  In other words I was pretty sure a demon was haunting me and was fu-king with my sleep.  And my comedy career.

My room in Boston. Seems more appropriate for tea with women in 1798 than for solitary self-loathing in 2009.
My room in Boston. Seems more appropriate for tea with women in 1798 than for solitary self-loathing in 2009.

3) While eating one of the worst hamburgers of all time at a restaurant called Rock Bottom in Boston (named after either Dwayne Johnson’s WWF finishing move or my career) I saw a mouse run across the floor.  Kind of like the obvious symbolism of the rat in the iconic Boston-set film The Departed, the mouse in my experience was Martin Scorsese’s cosmic and obvious way of telling me that comedy is like a rat race, but smaller and more insignificant.

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Weekend Recommendations

Taking a break from what one comic has deemed my “Erin Brockovitch” phase of comedy (the movement to boycott open calls and bringer shows has not gained any traction, but I am sure a Facebook group would gain thousands of apathetic members) I have decided to offer some recommendations to people that waste their time reading this  .

1) Go see This Is It.  if you like great music, concert films, Michael Jackson and/or molesting children all of you can find something enjoyable in this movie.  It really is outstanding and fun.

2) Root for the Yankees.  The Phillies represent a city that could not even medal at the “Best Cities in the Northeast” Olympics.  I can’t wait for the Yankees to buy Cliff Lee.

3) Go get Greg Giraldo’s CD “Midlife Vices.” In the spirit of the forthcoming A Christmas Carol, it is like a look at the Ghost of J-L’s Christmas Future.  It is a powerhouse of comedy.

4) Go see me if you are in Boston.  I am headlining Tommy’s Comedy Lounge Friday at 830 pm and Saturday (Halloween) at 730 pm.  I will be delivering the best sets of my life, which when I find out I can no longer perform at most NY Comedy Clubs I will release the Boston performances on a special DVD entitled “This Is It,” which fans of great comedy, comedy films, J-L Cauvin and molesting children will appreciate.

Have a nice weekend.