Could this be the worst movie ever made?

Before getting into the main focus – I saw a sneak preview of We Are Marshall this weekend. It was OK. Matthew Fox of Lost and Ian McShane of Deadwood are both quite solid. But the movie belonged to Matthew McConaughey and my impression of him afterwards. His performance had a few phases. The first was as a dumb George Bush. That’s right – a dumbed down version of George Bush. “I am a football coach. I coach football.”

The next phase was as awkwardly dressed 70s coach – which was outfitted perfectly. And he kept doing this thing where he pointed at people with three fingers which was weird. I think he told McG, the director (yes the film was directed by someone who calls themselves McG) – “Listen up McG – I’m Matthew McConaughey and I have this thing I want to do where I point with 3 fingers – it’ll be my thing. I will even not take off my shirt in this movie so that I can do the 3 finger thing.”

His last phase was as inspiring leaders of football team. Blah blah blah.

The movie’s best feature was that it was not Happy Feet. Its worst feature was that it was not Invincible (which comes out on DVD tomorrow and is still in my top 5 for the year – although some strong competition coming out in the next week – Dreamgirls, Good Shepherd, Letters from Iwo Jima).

However, Invincible will not be getting any competition probably from a little film coming out Wednesday called Rocky Balboa.

One of my signature bits, if an unknown, unpaid comic can have signature bits, is on the Rocky film series. The joke has been modified and improved with tidbits on the plot from Rocky Balboa. The real question I will have Wednesday when I go see it is: Is this going to be the worst film ever?

If RB is mediocre I will be sad. If it is good I will be shocked. If it is awful I will be happy. I have never gone to a movie to see how bad it is. RB will be the first. Rocky I and II were legit movies. III and IV were testosterone soaked music videos, but enjoyable. Rocky V was a crime against humanity. And Sly still has the audacity to come out with a 6th film.

I am nervous that it will be mediocre and not awful. Ebert and Roeper have given it 2 thumbs up and Newsweek seem to have positive things to say about it. It is like finding out some person you want to hate turns out to be not as bad as you have heard and you are disappointed because you had your heart set on hating their guts and talking sh-t about them. I need Rocky Balboa to be that piece of sh-t.

In an attempt to piggyback off of the hype around RB, I will be posting the new version of my Rocky joke – let’s call it Rocky 2.0 – on Youtube in the next 48 hours. I will want people to watch it and forward it and watch it some more. And yes I admit I am a Rocky profiteer. I am the Halliburton of Rocky fans. Even though children will become retarded while watching the movie, people will waste hard earned dollars on it and the apocalypse may actually be brought upon us because of this film, I am willing and able to advance my own career on the hype that it generates.

Let’s just hope it REALLY sucks.