Another reason why needles in your ass are a bad thing

Well, Mark McGwire became the first casualty (if you exclude Rafael Palmero’s Viagra needing member and the English language after Jose Canseco’s literary foray “Juiced”) of the steroid era. He was the greatest slugger of his time and has what should be sure-fire Hall of Fame numbers. However, just because his arms were the size of refrigerators, his skin was more acned than a 15 year old computer geek and because Jose Canseco claims he injected him with needles in bathroom stalls, Mark McGwire is being denied the Hall of Fame. Why the double standard?

Do the porn awards penalize performers who use Viagra? Of course not. After all, why penalize someone who has already been sexually assaulted by an immediate family member.

Does the NFL Hall of Fame penalize people for being violent? No – in fact you can murder people and still stay in the Hall of Fame. In fact when Ray Lewis is inducted, they will have to open a Homicide Wing in Canton.

Do the Oscars refuse to nominate actors who play handicapped people even though it is easy and an unfair advantage? Nope – although George W. was not nominated for Fahrenheit 9/11, which may have signaled a change in Academy policy.

My point is that sports are a reflection of society and in Mark McGwire we have a role model for all Americans. Let me offer you an analogy.

When I see a homeless man or woman begging for change on a cold NYC street I usually try to give them some change. Some might say it’s a scam. A scam for what? If they are willing to sit in the cold in smelly, tattered clothes to trick me – consider me tricked. Likewise, if they are going to use it for drugs instead of food, well go ahead. I am not sure how much can be done for the guy who has no teeth, smells like piss and claims to have AIDS. But he can still get high and if I can help him with that consider it my Million Dollar Baby moment.

Similarly, if Mark McGwire was willing to hang out in bathroom stalls with Jose Canseco, allow his skin to approach that of Manuel Noreaga’s, make out with Sammy Sosa on national TV and then act like a bit-h in front of Congress, doesn’t he deserve the Hall of Fame?

In short if you are willing to cheat and degrade yourself in pursuit of money aren’t you really embodying what is so great about America? As Nino Brown said in New Jack City, “This is big business. This is the American Way.” (Wesley Snipes, who played Nino Brown took those words to heart as he I believe has a tax evasion indictment pending). So I say – let Mark McGwire in the Hall of Fame. I will allow Big Mac’s words to end this inspired by A Few Good Men:

“I use words like andro, anabolic, juiced. I use these words as the backbone of a life spent injecting crap in my ass. You use them as a punch line. I would rather you just say thanks for the home runs and be on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick a dumbbell and take some batting practice. Either way I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to!”

Well said.