Michael Mann can put this one next to Ali

Last night I went to see Miami Vice. Not good. Michael Mann, an awesome writer/director botched this one. My grade for this film is a C, but considering the weight it bore in my expectations trying to save an awful summer of movies, it really gets a D for not even trying. Instead it just buried this summer deeper.

Problem 1 – Colin Farell looks like a cheesy pron star. he may be a ladies’ man, but as a Miami cop, why does he look like a member of the Boogie Nights cast? Did he say to the director, “I know my character is cool, but you know what would be super cool? A Village People mustache, or a Wild Bill Hickcock mustache – oh hell, let’s just grow something in between.” And his accent is some sort of Texas-type twang, mixed with 500 cigarettes a day. But he did try and where he tried to act well, the dialogue failed him. “Do you think I am in too deep that I don’t know which way is up?” (This was after approximately one week on an undercover operation – real deep under cover buddy).

Problem 2 – Jaime Foxx. Wanda on In Living Color – great. Ray Charles – great. Everything else you do – excrement. If not for Colin Farrel’s mustache, I think Foxx gave the worst performance in the film.

Probelm 3 – DC filmgoers who were laughing throughout at the film (rightfully so), but then cheering wildly at the “badass” stuff that happens later in the movie, as if they hadn’t been jerked around for 90 minutes.

Problem 4 – bad guy bullets. They seem to avoid every good guy they way the guy in Pulp Fiction misses John Travolta and Sam Jackson. Miracle? No, just shitty movie making. For shame Mr. Mann.

The film is nonsense and unless Talladega Nights is the greatest film ever, this is officially the worst summer of movies in my life as a movie watcher.