Patrice O’Neal – A Big Man. A Huge Loss.

The news started the way news seems to start these days – with a Tweet or two.  The initial hope was that it was a false rumor or something, because those things do happen in the era of Twitter and Facebook and the 24 Hour News Cycle.  But as the tweets started to roll in it seemed that they were true: Patrice O’Neal was dead.

Patrice suffered a stroke not too long ago, which sent justifiable shocks through the comedy world.  He had just had his best and most high profile year yet.  His Elephant In The Room special was an instant classic in February on Comedy Central and then his off the cuff performance on the Roast of Charlie Sheen, which was a welcome change from the neatly polished and predictably mean-spirited jokes that litter those roasts now, elevated him to another, more mainstream audience.  And then he had a stroke.

And now he has died.

 

Until a few years ago my favorite comedian in the world was Greg Giraldo.  A brilliant, but accessible comedian, Giraldo was exactly what I aspired to – a lawyer-turned-comedian who was in the top class of comedians – popular and respected.  But then he died too early, at 44 years old, in a hotel in New Jersey.  He, like Patrice, had finally achieved a step into the mainstream with his appearances on Last Comic Standing and his undisputed closing status on Comedy Central Roasts – he was like the Mariano Rivera of comedy.

And then he died.

As if filling a void for comedy hero in the wake of Giraldo’s parting, I was lucky enough to work with Patrice O’Neal at the DC Improv.  The first time I worked with him was a true gift.  It really felt like being a fan again.  All the cynicism and jealousy that goes with being a comedian went away because I was watching someone practice comedy at such a high level that all you could do was admire and clutch your stomach in pain from laughing too much.

But the single greatest honor I have received was when Patrice asked to have me emcee his shows in DC the next time he was in DC.  And I remember him telling me that the emcee is important and that I should not demean it.  See to a lot of comics they would consider emceeing beneath them at the 7-8 year mark of their career, but this was one of the titans of the art form telling me that what I did was important and important to his show.   This was because he was a true comedian.  It was not about status or fame – it was about the show.  And no one currently in my opinion, other than maybe Bill Burr, put on a show like Patrice O’Neal.

And the fact that my shows opening for Patrice earned me some of my most engaged Facebook fans tells me that not only did he enhance comedy as an art, but he attracted true fans of the art.

But the death of Patrice O’Neal reminds me of something quite ominous for comedy.  Comedy is not producing any new Patrice O’Neals.  Or at least is not promoting any.  What disgusts me about comedy is when I see greats like Greg Giraldo and Patrice O’Neal taking 20 years to become household names.  The advantage of that is that their skill set and world view are so damn developed that they are practically forces of nature by the time they break.  But does that mean it is right?  Didn’t Patrice deserve to be bigger (only 1 hour long special on comedy central?) than that?

But beyond the personal tragedy of Patrice O’Neal’s death is what it means for the art of comedy.  Greg Giraldo and Patrice O’Neal are not being replaced by similar younger talent.  For me there is a generation that includes Bill Burr and Jim Norton that still represent the truest form of stand up (their careers were not built through savvy social media campaigns and sitcom roles, but on stage night after night).  But like manufacturing jobs that disappeared in America or rock stars more concerned with pilates and yoga than with partying and making great rock songs, the “comedy soldiers,” as Patrice once referred to himself and Burr, seem to be a dying breed.  Telegenic and marketable seem to be more important than true comedy genius in today’s comedy market.  That is not to say there are not great young comedians with real points of views and insightful thinking in their material.  There are.  But at some point places like Comedy Central need to take some responsibility.  They have monopolized  the comedy business, in some schools of thought have ruined live comedy (imagine Broadway had a basic cable channel called “Broadway Central” where you could watch Broadway plays – it would diminish ticket sales as well as the allure of live performance), but do not necessarily keep the art in the highest esteem.

I do not know the solution, but it reminds me of cable news.  Instead of doing longer, in-depth stories, cable news tries to meet the consumer half way (more like 80% of the way) and give them what they want to hear.  But at some point the news station has to give us our vegetables.  Stop serving up what people want or the lowest common denominator (Lindsey Lohan’s name should never appear on CNN except on their entertainment show).  Same for comedy – all due respect to my young friends (and to my own sputtering career) but when I turn on comedy central I should be seeing Pryor, Carlin, Giraldo, Hicks, O’Neal, Burr, Wright, Rock, Seinfeld, etc. a lot more than I do.  These are among the Shakespeares of our art and people should be schooled and respect the classics.

When Patrice’s special aired I told everyone to watch it with the same vigor that I tell people to watch Breaking Bad – nonstop with a 100% guarantee of enjoyment.  Afterwards I had friends saying “I never heard of him, but man that was great!”  This is not a failing of Patrice O’Neal, this is the failing of the comedy business.  Comedians suffer and struggle and hustle to be worthy of the platform that late night television and Comedy Central provide, but once they have earned it, as Patrice did many times over they deserve at least as much air time as Dane Cook or Larry The Cable Guy.  Comedy programmers are not supposed to just be a reflection of people’s taste – they should be enriching it.

The loss of Patrice O’Neal is huge, but what makes it annoying to a super fan like myself is that it is not actually bigger.

There will be no more working with Patrice, watching Patrice or looking forward to new opportunities for Patrice.  And I am sad for the loss to comedy and his family and friends and angry at the injustice that that symbolizes.

So Patrice died one week before his birthday fits the comedy business perfectly – he almost got to be celebrated the way he deserved.  But it is nice to see all the comedians and hard core comedy fans celebrating him.  The best way to honor him going forward, at least in comedy I think, is to not settle for anything less than what he brought to the table.  And that was a whole lot.

The Shows That Got Progressively Darker

This past weekend I was at the Brokerage Comedy Club in Bellmore, Long Island.  I had performed there once before and it would have been a very forgettable weekend for anyone who is not a grudge holding comedian with a great disdain for Long Island.  So I went to the Brokerage, post Thanksgiving, prepared for verbal warfare.  Turned out the shows went really well, although they sort of had a downward trajectory.

FRIDAY

The emcee was Meghan Hanley a young white woman bursting with smiles, and the headliner was Steve White, a black guy bursting with smiles, so I had a critical dual role in the show: I was meant to ease the crowd into a darker skin tone and to present a darker world view, in case the emcee and headliner gave them the perception that everything was OK.  And the crowds did a good job in easing me into a darker and darker mood.

Friday’s show went off without a hitch.  Really great reaction from the crowd, though more than one person approached me after the show to verify that my Dad was black (and not a clever comedy trick I use to talk about Haitian people). Oh Long Island!  You and your white flight Jews and Catholics!!!

SATURDAY

Saturday’s shows started great, and by started great I mean I was able to say approximately 40 words until some Italian Napoleon decided to interrupt my bit on Big and Tall Stores:

Napoleonzo – “Hey, my buddy is 6’7″!” pointing to his friend

Me – “Ok – cool.  Thanks.”

Napoleonzo – (Raising his hand to interrupt me) “So you are probably 6’5″ if you guys stand back to back” (because that is how you measure height – not by rulers apparently)

Me – “OK – Hey everyone I just got challenged to a height off by a friend of a guy!  (Pause) You know what Fuck that Joke!  No it had a punchline and everything, but it was made so much better by a dick interrupting to have a conversation.”

And herein lies the problem with being my size.  If I was 5’7″ dude I would be a snarky guy.  Instead as an angry looking 6’7″ no matter how sarcastic (or how right I am in complaining) nothing can halt comedy momentum like me attacking an audience member.

The show continued, mostly without a problem and the post show response was pleasant.  My favorite post show interaction was with a 52 year old divorced Mom who informed me that she felt like I was wasting so much potential (I told some bits about having been a lawyer).  She had a look of such sadness that it started to depress me.  And she was a divorced Mom attending an over 45 singles event at a comedy club!  As we talked it eventually turned out she was dragging me down because she was really projecting lost life opportunities of her own.  I then asked her if we had been engaged at some point, but it turns out we had not been.

The second show on Saturday was going really well, but about 16 minutes into my set some older drunk gentleman definitely said something disparaging in the corner.  Now the Brokerage is a small and cozy club so if you are talking in anything above a small whisper it is audible.  I looked at the guy and realized I was not good at dealing with hecklers.  The guy looked like a drunk Ted Kennedy and my instinct was to say, “Listen to me you ruddy, drunk Irish fuck – say something again and I’ll bury you at the bottom of a lake with your shit family you Ted Kennedy looking bag of shit.”  Of course my better angels tell me not to say that, but because my temper is so out of control, my better angel cannot come up with more acceptable ways of dealing with hecklers – it is either drop a nuclear bomb or say nothing.  Throw in the fact that I am the size of a defensive end and I am forced to just take it.

Post show though I still got lots of compliments, handshakes and the club paid me so it all ended well.  Thanks to everyone who came out, except for the friend of the tall guy and the Ted Kennedy looking guy.  I hope you both have horrible lives.

I am headlining a casino in the middle of Minnesota on Wednesday.  Then I am headlining the Joke Joint in St. Paul Thursday through Saturday.  See you there, no one that reads this blog!

Why Are Nickelback and Jon Huntsman So Unpopular?

There are many popular things in America that make no sense to me – Twilight, Neil Patrick Harris, Jeff Dunham, the 2nd Amendment.  There are also many unpopular things whose unpopularity make sense to me – Jerry Sandusky, the WNBA, Arbys.  But lately I have been perplexed by two things that seem to be very unpopular without sufficient reason.  One is the band Nickelback, who performed yesterday at halftime of the Lions-Packers Thanksgiving game and the other is Jon Huntsman, the Republican candidate for President.  The vitriol aimed at Nickelback seems very aggressive, if one were to read my Facebook comment stream, whereas the Huntsman unpopularity seems to come more from apathy.  But the two have very similar stories.  I will make my case for why they don’t suck (quick plug – my weekly podcast RIGHTEOUS PRICK, will be launching January 3rd on iTunes, will do the opposite – making a case, in debate form, for why something popular actually sucks).

Early Success

Nickelback burst on to the American rock landscape with their hit song “How You Remind Me.”  This song’s post popularity phase is right there with the decade following Ice Ice Baby in terms of people afraid to admit liking a song that was wildly popular.  For a reminder here it is:

Now sure the lead singer looks like a Super Jewish Bee Gee and the lead guitarist is a little to excited to finally be in a music video, but is that a reason to hate these guys?

Meanwhile Jon Huntsman was an extremely popular, two time governor of Utah, a very Red State (but perhaps religion haters need to start acknowledging that for all their quirks mainstream Mormons feel like a less hateful and dangerous bunch  than mainstream Evangelicals) and a CEO of a multi-billion dollar chemical company.  So in other words he is a Republican wet dream on paper – leader, businessman, rich, white and popular.  For God’s sake his name even has “HUNT” in it!!!  Yet he is polling around 3%.  Now as  Democrat I almost definitely won’t be voting for Huntsman if he made it to the general election, but it says a lot about a political party that cannot rally behind one of their own like Huntsman

Foreign Experience a Plus or a Minus?

Nickelback is Canadian. Is this why we hate them?  Jim Carrey is Canadian, we don’t hate him.  I don’t buy it.  Probably neutral here.

Huntsman was the ambassador to China for two years and speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese.  Those should be enormous positives.  In the coming decade and beyond, relations with China will be of paramount importance.  To everyone except the “City on a Hill” Republicans still stuck in the 17th century.  Alas he was ambassador under President Obama, which is the same to many Republicans as finding their daughters under President Obama.

Trying To Do The Right Thing

Now sure Nickelback has had many awful songs, but still How You Remind Me, Savin’ Me and Burn It To The Ground are pretty solid rock songs – or if you are absolute haters, they are at least good efforts at rock music.  As a huge fan of Guns N Roses, the last great rock band we have seen, I appreciate any group that at least makes an effort to keep traditional rock alive.  You may think they suck, but heavy bass and drums, big guitar licks and solos and screeching power vocals are missing from music.  Perhaps that is why they are popular despite the critical and cool kid negativity surrounding them.  Because rock used to be common and popular, but now every popular song is just some bastard child of hip hop and Britney Spears (for example why is Pit Bull not a bigger fecal dump on music than Nickelback – if Nickelback were anything besides 4 regular looking white dudes they would not get hated on as much).  So I salute Nickelback – maybe not most of their final product, but at least the effort to keep traditional rock alive, even if only on life support.

Huntsman, like Nickelback has been at least trying to do the right thing, even if mired in the intellectual and moral wasteland that is the Republican Party primary.  Huntsman is a believer in evolution, climate change, but is also a pro-business Republican.  As a billionaire businessman it at least makes sense – he and his family have had success and he had success as a governor.  He is pro life, but has articulated exceptions for rape, incest and the life of the mother.  Sure this is still unacceptable to the left, but it is a morally reasonable pro-life position.  He at least appears to be a reasonable and intelligent man.  That is why if President Obama were to be a one term president I would prefer Huntsman to the other Republican alternatives.  Perhaps that is why Huntsman is so unpopular – he believes in science and reason (and that may mean he is open to the most dreaded thing of all – compromise).  And sure Huntsman makes some corny jokes sometimes, but given the success of CBS comedy (with the exception of Two Broke Girls which is blessed by both good writing and good cleavage) you would think bad joke telling would help, not hurt Huntsman.

So for Nickelback and Mr. Huntsman I leave you with this inspiring message from Nickelback:

Movie Review – The Descendants

For a while I was thinking that the Oscar race had begun and ended with Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Crazy Stupid Love this summer and The Ides of March this fall.  J Edgar, though not bad, was disappointing and I just have not seen too many movies that I would call “great.”  However, The Descendants is the first movie I have seen since the usual start of Oscar rush that I think has a rightful place to be an awards contender.

 

The movie focuses on Matt King (George Clooney), a successful attorney, and trustee of a $500 million track of Hawaiian real estate who is dealing with a tragic boating accident involving his wife.  Her prospects of a recovery seem slim and King’s problems are compounded by a bitchy 17 year old daughter and the revelation that his wife was having an affair.

This movie combines great everyday humor with end-of-life, gut-wrenching, soul searching.  It never lets you forget the tragedy through excessive comedy, but it never gets you too sad without inserting some levity, which for the most part feels fairly realistic.  Clooney is terrific, but so are the actresses that play his daughters and the actor that plays his older daughter’s friend and travelling companion (think of a dumber, surfing over football, less brooding version of Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights).

I was wary of the movie simply because too often these types of films tend to fall in love with their own quirkiness and “realness,” while in the process forsaking plot and dialogue.  This is not one of those movies.  It is well done and thoroughly entertaining.

Final Grade – A-

3 Major Projects

Sorry I have not been writing recently (have not even seen a movie this week!), but the good news is that I have some major things in the works so please stay updated.  Here’s the run down:

TOO BIG TO FAIL – this incredibly ironically titled CD will be released in the next month.  The actual tracks are all ready and now it is time to work on the CD artwork.  There will be a big Internet release event (where I want everyone to buy and/or review it on the same day) which I will amply promote/annoy you with.

LAWMAGEDDON TOUR – Me and my five amigos at www.ComediansAtLaw.com have been working really hard to put together our kick ass tour and we are excited to have booked several of the country’s top clubs.  If you are in one of these cities or even better a lawyer, law student or other person involved with the non-convict side of the law, please be sure to check out the site and follow us on Twitter (@ComediansAtLaw).

  • Feb 22 – DC Improv
  • Feb 29 – Zanies in Chicago
  • March 22 – Hollywood Improv
  • March 28 – Helium in Philadelphia
  • April 3 – Gotham Comedy Club
  • Boston – TBA

So obviously this is a major effort so any support you can provide will be greatly appreciated.  Tickets will go on sale soon.

MY NEW PODCAST – I am very excited about this podcast.  I know every other human being has a podcast, but I have worked for a while on developing a novel concept to mine.  I do not want to disclose too much, but it will be weekly beginning January 3rd (Tuesdays) and if you are a fan of my somewhat aggressive and argumentative style of writing and behaving then you will enjoy it for sure.

So next week I will be back to writing about various thins, but wanted you to know I am still busy with stuff.  Bye bye.

Too Big To Fail – A Success

Well last night was the end of my 7 cities in 28 days “tour.”  It was by no means an official tour, but if it had been it would have been named “The 99 Percentile of Height” Tour or “The Slowly Killing My Parents” Tour.  Not going to lie it was fairly tiring.  But for all the ups and downs it ended on a high note last night in Philadelphia.  I recorded my third CD last night at Helium and we had a great turnout.  Thanks to everyone who came out, big thanks to people who spread the word and got strangers to attend and an even bigger thanks to people who randomly saw me in May at Helium and decided to come back again.  I appreciated it and you guys made it a really fun night.

I anticipate the CD being released in mid December.  I will harass all of you with that info when it becomes available.

Movie of the Week: J. Edgar

Last night it was me and the old liberal Jewish brigade at the NY Times film club preview screening of J. Edgar, the new Clint Eastwood film starring Leonardo DiCaprio as the most powerful law enforcement figure in American History.   Despite my pleas for most movies to trim the fat, this movie chronicles a 48 year FBI career, spanning eight presidents in an even two hours.  And it feels too lean.  The movie is certainly not bad, which would be nearly impossible given DiCaprio and Eastwood’s credentials.  But it just isn’t the great movie I hoped it would be.

 

DiCaprio will certainly get an Oscar nomination for his performance, but unlike his Oscar performance in Blood Diamond, which I still think is his best, this is really an obvious Oscar grab.  His portrayal of Hoover spans five decades so there is makeup, and fat suits and an accent and odd speaking cadence.  In fact old Hoover looks like present day Jack Nicholson.  It all spells Oscar nomination.  Plus throw in the Brokeback Mountain element involving J Edgar’s long-standing relationship with his second in command, Clyde Tolson, played by Armie Hammer, known for playing the Winklevoss twins in The Social Network (I still think he deserved a nomination more than any actor in that film) and the odds of a DiCaprio nomination stand at 99%.

As much as I liked Hammer in The Social Network, something felt off with his performance in this movie.  First off, in the older scenes, it appears all the efforts in good makeup were directed to DiCaprio.  His older Hoover looks natural, but the old version of Tolson bears a resemblance to Dan Aykroyd in the 90s “comedy” Nothing But Trouble.  Secondly, Hammer channels the same affluent air that combines smugness and decency that he carried so well in The Social Network, but in more emotional scenes with DiCaprio he appeared a bit awkward.

Of course one of the most intriguing elements of a story of a man who spent his life collecting secrets to blackmail people in power is that he had lifestyle that clearly could have been problematic for him.  And yet it never seemed so much of an issue besides one emotional fight.  The cowboys in Brokeback Mountain had more problems than Hoover, according to this film.  That may have been the case, but it is hard to believe.  The film does its best to portray the relationship as a long standing, powerful bond, but without a lot of the details of the relationship it is hard to feel as invested in it as you are supposed to.

What the movie does really well from a historical perspective is show why Hoover was both a vital figure in law enforcement development (his early encouragement of using science in police work, getting the FBI significant power, etc.) and such a villainous figure as well  (his secret files that he used to blackmail political figures, his inflation of his own hands on legacy in apprehending criminals, and a particularly awful phone call to Bobby Kennedy).

And just one issue with Eastwood – why is the movie so fu*king dark?  I don’t know if that is for film critics who will say, “the dark tones of the film evoke the shadiness of Hoover,” or “the film’s dark style helps draw out the classic eras it evokes,” or some other stuff, but I would have preferred a few more lights on set.

I enjoy biographies and I like biopics.  And other than Lord of The Ring films, they are the only genre of film where I gladly watch long movies, as long as they provide a full picture of the subject’s life.  That is why Malcolm X may be my favorite biopic.  J Edgar hits on many of the significant pieces of Hoover’s professional life and gives the viewer a decent outline of his personal life.  But in the end I would have preferred a bigger and more detailed film that could have delivered a fuller look at both sides of Hoover.

Final Grade – B/B+

San Antonio Journal Part II – The Bad, The…

So San Antonio was interesting.  I’ve especially  enjoyed the t shirt stores.  One store had, among its t shirts in its front window, these three gems:

  • Texans Don’t Call 911
  • An Ahmed The Terrorist shirt (the dead terrorist puppet of Jeff Dunham, comedy icon)
  • “Occupy This” – a reflexive rejection of the Occupy Wall Street

Seeing this and then performing for 10 people on the first night Thursday had me feeling like this trip would be painful.  And I was sort of correct.  We probably averaged about 60 people per show (in a room that seats about 300 from the looks of it).  I sold exactly zero CDs and received only about 8 post show handshakes (my new measure of post show success).  I did not eat a free meal at the club because I could not bring myself to pay for only half off a $6 sandwich.  It felt like being nickel and dimed while getting kicked in the nuts.  (possible title of my new CD)

Back at the comedian condo, which for comedian condos was solid, other than the mold on the ceiling of the bathroom and the roach I snuffed out Friday evening.  The shower head was only about 5’11” so I felt extra troll-like in the bathroom.   But I did get a lot of good sleep, which in my history is a sure sign of deep depression.

In a form of protest I contributed nothing to the local economy.  I have eaten at only major chains (Starbucks every breakfast, Subway or Fuddruckers for lunch or dinner and on Saturday night – ate at Fogo de Chao by myself), and Denny’s late night, where I saw a guy who looked like he was there to commit mass murder – I do not know what happened because when I saw his angry, deranged face I ate my 44 pancakes quickly and left.  In other words, “If your mindset is ‘Occupy This’ then fu*k your mom and pop stores.”  And The Alamo is a joke.  Both the tourist attraction and the film with Dennis Quaid.

As a quick side bar – going to Fogo de Chao by yourself is an interesting experience.  It is an incredible all-you-can-eat Brazilians steakhouse and it is the real deal.  My tally from the meal:

  • 4 filet mignons
  • 4 orders of mashed potatoes
  • about 11 other cuts of meat
  • 1 salad (sorry)

Now when you go to Fogo de Chao it is usually a communal experience. Going solo takes some of the fun out of the experience, but it also gives the impression to employees and other patrons that you are either some mysterious, eccentric, lone-wolf, man of means (I left the New Balance sneakers at home to give my best shot at creating this impression), or a pathetic loser.  One of the things I noted about San Antonio is the large amount of military.  And sitting in Fogo De Chao I was as close to joining the marines as I have ever been.  At a table in the distance were a bunch of marine officers on dates.  Apparently values are a little different in Texas than in NYC.  Because these women were hot – and not in a prostitute/porn kind of way so prevalent in the South and Southwest.  And the dudes looked sharp as shit in the dress uniforms.  So apparently in Texas you can pull a hot chick if you sacrifice your life and look good in a suit.  In NY you pull a hot chick if you sacrifice the money of other people, suit optional.

Now I know this has seemed like a long tirade against San Antonio and comedy, but there was a positive side. The crowds were better comedy fans than I expected.  First off – holy diversity Batman – every crowd, except the first one, was very diverse.  Asians, Latinos, white and blacks in every crowd.  Last week I compared the crowds in Syracuse to a sugar cookie where one or two chocolate chips fell in by accident at the factory.  These crowds had what Cory Booker has described as “a delicious diversity.” (and we wonder why Mayor Booker has weight issues)

Secondly, the crowds were willing to check politics at the door in a fashion that I was not prepared for.  I successfully called Rick Perry a moron (specifically that he is in an MMA match with the English language and by suggesting he may skip debates Perry is effectively tapping out to words) and likened the Tea Party to a dying breed of mentally handicapped people with favorable reactions at 3 of 4 shows.  And the crowd that did not like it did the right thing – they said nothing.  Unlike previous cities that boo or cheer at the mere mention of Obama, even after I preface that my impression bit is not a political bit, Texans at least here seemed to let the joke go before judging.  Which makes them a good audience in my book.

But therein lies the dilemma – the people who went to comedy shows this weekend had better senses of humor than I expected (granted expectations were fairly low) and conducted themselves with excellent comedy club etiquette.  So what was the problem?  We only averaged about 60 people a show!  In summary San Antonio stand up fans have a good sense of how comedy works, which was surprising.  Of course there did not seem to be many stand up fans overall, which was not surprising.

Oh well, like my favorite basketball team the Utah Jazz, I cannot say I came out of San Antonio with a victory, a profit or hope at where my career is going, but I do leave with my dignity.  Oh wait I left that at home.

If you made it this far in the blog – here is some actual good news – Tuesday night at 9pm I am performing in the Boston Comedy Festival and Wednesday I am recording my new CD at Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia.

Movie of the Week: Tower Heist

I do not know what perfect storm of cinema scheduling made Tower Heist the most attractive movie option for me this weekend, but it was.  So I saw it.  It is OK.  It was pleasant enough for most of the movie, funny in spots and decently acted.  It felt like a baseball player hitting a ball hard and having a chance at a double or even a triple, but content to just stay on first.

If you don’t know the plot of the movie, it is the story of employees in Trump Tower (I mean “The Tower”) who are defrauded when their wealthiest resident is revealed to have run some sort of Madoff scheme that lost all their pension money.  As a revenge scheme Ben Stiller leads Matthew Broderick, Michael Pena, Casey Affleck on an Oceans’ 4 quest to rob the resident (played by Alan Alda) of a suspected $20 million.  They are aided by a black criminal, played by Eddie Murphy, in what will now be called “Pulling a Horrible Bosses,” in which white nerdy criminal wannabes employ a black guy to show them how to become felons correctly.  This is obviously the reverse of pulling a Dangerous Minds/Blind Side/Machine Gun Preacher which is when one white person teaches or saves a large number of minorities (or a very large single minority) from self-destruction.

The movie never really reaches any terrible levels, but it is not that funny in the second half.  It tries, and I cannot even say the attempts at humor fall flat, but they just aren’t that funny.  Matthew Broderick was the most consistently funny to me, mainly because he is playing a nerurotic, nebbishy guy, which is probably the role he has gotten used to being married to Carrie Bradshaw/Dee Snyder/Sarah Jessica Parker.  Murphy is funny at times, but seems to almost be in that Mike Myers level of his career where he is sometimes the funny guy he used to be and other times just channeling his now-annoying character from Shrek.

I paid $6.50 for the movie and I don’t regret it.  Harmless movie, but not that great.

Final Grade – B/B-

San Antonio Journal Part I – Chief, The Alamo…

Two smooth flights yesterday, so I did not have a repeat of the near-death experience from two weeks ago on the way to Indianapolis.  Flew to Atlanta from LaGuardia and ran through the airport OJ-style looking for a Chick Fil-A, but could not find the terminal in time before needing to get my connection to San Antonio.  I then found myself sitting right next to a young man, who based on his Mohican eyes and Native American necklace was definitely going to Harvard on a free ride.  He was six foot four and sitting right next to me.  So the two most physically awkward of the 180 passengers on the plane are forced to hip dry hump for two hours to Texas.

On a side note – whoever flew the plane from LaGuardia to Atlanta had the softest landing of all time in Atlanta.  This blog is often a bastion of hate (honest hate, but hate nonetheless) and I think it was important to point out a hero out there.  On the flip side the pilot to from Atlanta to Texas was named Jeff Davis (How did that name not go the way of Adolph – oh right because people in the South still think Jefferson Davis is a hero) and landed quite bumpily in San Antonio.

The comedian condo is located near The Alamo.  Not impressed.  I feel like 10 years ago I might have been able to just jump up and climb over the wall.  It seemed more like a taunt to the little people who were trying to take it.

At the show there were 10 people, all up front (a comedy friendly ratio of 8 women and two men).  Only one man felt free enough to laugh a lot so I probably directed 60% of my “skits” at him.  At the end of my half hour I observed the following break down of the group’s reaction:

  • 6 people clapping (probably an even split of 3 appreciative and 3 obligatory/reluctant)
  • 1 person smiling and doing nothing
  • 2 people staring with arms folded in protest
  • 1 person shaking her head disapprovingly

After my “comedy thing” I went looking for food in the shopping mall, but it was already 9pm so everyone was closing shop to prepare for the rapture, except for Chili’s and Hooters.  Now given the dismissive reaction I had just been given from over a half dozen women, Hooters would have been the logical, get even, degrade-my-enemy type move, but I went against my instinct and had a burger and fries at Chilis.  But on the televisions in Chilli’s was the show Revenge, so apparently women were not done ruining my night.  I observed 15 minutes of the show and I hope the creators of that show die alone.  Of course my anger took a turn for the weird when I was banging on the door of a closing Hooters screaming, “I cannot take our stupid, female driven pop culture – I want to degrade you with an 8% tip!!!!”

I slept about 11 hours last night (slightly interrupted because of an incredible loud cracking sound that keeps emanating from my window), which may sound like a good thing, but I have not slept that much since I was skipping classes, neck deep in depression, in law school. In other words – it is a great thing!!!!  That law school depression is what drove me to comedy.  Perhaps now I am being driven to find some other form of life that will offer temporary happiness and years of torment!  Def poetry slam runner up has a nice ring to it.