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When I heard of Nelson Mandela’s death last week it hit me on a profound level, most likely deeper than anyone outside of Mr. Mandela’s immediate family.  Most people would rank Mr. Mandela on a level somewhere in the Gandhi-Martin Luther King-Abraham Lincoln section of History, reserved for the greatest citizens of the human race, but to me he was so much more.  He was an inspiration, a role model and a mentor.

When I was beginning my career in stand up comedy, while moonlighting as an administrative assistant for 45 hours a week, I began reading the back of Mr. Mandela’s autobiography Long Walk to Freedom.  I did not have the patience to read the book, nor the money to purchase it, but I read the back cover as I camped out in a Barnes & Noble for two hours, impeding people trying to walk around the store, all while making a fort out of all the copies of the book as I ate a Starbucks scone.  It was really inspiring and I decided that I would make my comedy career a tribute to Mr. Mandela’s legacy.  I was so motivated that just a day after reading those first few pages I rented the movie Invictus and once again felt like Mr. Mandela was telling me personally to have patience and forgiveness to succeed in the tough world of stand up comedy.

Now this would already permanently link Mr. Mandela and I when our histories are written, but the greatest moment of my stand up career was definitely when Mr. Mandela came to one of my shows.  Obviously I was a little nervous.  After all this was a guy who was, according to the LA Times Book Review, a “page turner” (that’s what the back cover said at least).  But I did my guest spot and was amazed when after the show, Mr. Mandela asked to speak with me.  He shook my hand and said, “Robben Island was tough, but I don’t think even I could have the courage to do stand up comedy.” I laughed, but he looked me in the eye without a trace of humor said, “I am not making a joke.  You have true courage and you are one of my heroes.”  He then embraced me in a strong hug for a man of his age.  It is a moment I will never forget and truly gave me the strength to fight on to try and make it in comedy.

Next week I celebrate my 7th month in comedy and as difficult as it has been and as slow as my progress in the business has been I swear that I will honor my hero and my friend Mr. Nelson Mandela and pursue comedy until I make it or until three years in the business, whichever comes first.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

This weekend I was offered two lessons on tragedy and comedy.  The first was the now predictable/stale and instantaneous response to the death of Paul Walker within the comedy world.  Now the jokes were coming from people who ranged from strangers to me to people I respect as people and as comedians.  But I have to ask people who made the jokes, what were you thinking (not rhetorical)?  Are you lacking a basic comic nerve ending to actually think anyone needed (just on a humor level, forget decency) a 907th “fast and furious – how ironic” joke.  And there is this cottage industry (unpaid of course – this is comedy) of people who hear about a death and immediately blurt 140 characters or status update whose speed is only matched in its laziness.  I honestly do not understand the thought process.  Step 1 – Person died.  Step 2 – Must be first to hacky joke that I am not sure is hacky because my mind is consumed with quickly generating something mocking the death (or know is hack, but because we treat comedy like a useless, disposable commodity who gives a shit if I throw out some clunkers).  It borders on compulsion.

Because here is the thing – if you honestly believe you wrote something original and then there are 10,000 jokes identical to it on Twitter within an hour, then there is a chance you not very good at making jokes (or in the very least you need not defend some of these weak ones).  That is not my opinion, that is just a fact based on numbers.  I read a couple of good jokes (literally like 2-3) and found myself less annoyed because at least when making something you know is offensive you should be pretty sure that it is funny.  Otherwise you are shitting on someone without providing comedic benefit.  Like comedians who think talking about eating ass is automatically funny, just because Patrice O’Neal could make funny jokes about it.

The real problem is that anyone with a few mics under the belt believes their comedy is unassailable because they are automatically “truth tellers” and on the front line of the defense of the First Amendment.  I am not saying you cannot say what you want. Feel free to.  But if your joke sucks, don’t automatically assume it is because you are too edgy and pushing the boundaries of decency like a modern day Lenny Bruce.  You might just be mediocre at writing jokes.  And that merely highlights the laziness, the indecency and the shamelessness of an otherwise lame joke.  Of course I have friends who made some F & F jokes and for some it represents a microscopic blip on their overall quality comedy landscape.  But other folks I see in social media consistently produce lazy crap that is offensive, but then claim Constitutional and artistic protections to hide the fact that the jokes suck.  Like someone who doesn’t show up for work for a month, gets fired and then claims racism, sexism or some other form of discrimination is the cause.

And then, the second thing that occurs after hastily constructed hackery and the almost as quick backlash against said hackery are folks within comedy that claim that self-righteousness, or policing of comedy, is the real problem.  I don’t know if any of the comments on my Facebook feed were directed at my comment referring to this stuff as evidence of bad comedy, but the fact remains if you enjoy me criticizing Louis CK, or hecklers, or hacks, or alternative comedy or Kevin Hart or anything else in comedy, what makes you think that something as ubiquitous as bad jokes about celebrity deaths would get a pass?

I have always defended comedians’ rights to workshop harsh or offensive material because that is the only way to find the funny.  But if calling Jeff Dunham a shit show is generally accepted among comedians, why is calling a hack joke about a tragedy tasteless and lame suddenly beyond the bounds of the unwritten comedians’ code?  And Twitter, as Jim Rome said, is in ink.  Unlike an open mic, social media, for better or worse, is a final draft once you publish it.  And if you can have the balls to chance a bad joke about a sad event, then at least have the balls to own up to creating a weak joke for exploitative purposes (if clicks, hits or retweets trump “funny” in your calculation of whether or not to put out a joke, you have already lost the protection due to comedians for that joke because funny was not your main intent).   If you added me as a friend, or followed me on Twitter because you like the approach I have to calling out stuff in comedy and mocking it, then this is merely in keeping with why you like my stuff.  Like I said, I don’t know if any of those comments were directed at me, but I don’t police comedy.  I just take shots at bullshit without wondering what the cool kids think.  Sometimes they like it and sometimes they don’t.  Oh well, rant portion over.

There was a more positive lesson learned this weekend from tragedy and comedy.  The fund raising campaign for my web series Comedy Academy ended and $2630 was raised!  Since family members contributed less than 10% to the campaign it was nice to see that there are still fans, friends and colleagues that have some degree of respect for the stuff I have been working hard to produce.  And of the groups of people who contributed most (in dollars and number of contributors) the most came from law school classmates and fellow comedians.  The lesson?  Endure tough experiences with people and they are more likely to support you.  So the lesson I guess is for you struggling comedians to join the military.  Because if the rigors of law school and the impoverished misery of comedy can breed more loyalty and support than other groups in your life for a lot longer, just imagine what a few tours in Afghanistan could do for fundraising campaigns among your brothers-at-arms when you get back stateside!

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

Thanksgiving is approaching, which used to mean a time for food, football and family, but now it means food, football and “fu*k off that is my discounted gift.”  Many stores are now opening on Thanksgiving to get a head start on trampling part-time workers to death in a race to get items for cheaper.  It is a great way to get discounts, while also getting the thrill of engaging in a real life Hunger Games.  Basically it is the civilized nature of  looting except you pay for the stuff instead of stealing it and tragedy is a result of the looting instead of the cause of it.  I have the convenience of small reserves of cash and a high amount of familial apathy so Black Friday/Douche Thursday (my name for the new shopping day) has little effect for me.  But as a seller of goods (or as I call my CDs “greats”) I realize in this day and age I need to offer Black Friday deals for comedy fans.  But in a day of $5 downloads, YouTube and a general disdain for paying for on-line content I, along with other comedians need to adjust and make offers that are too good to pass up. So here are my suggestions for how to get people excited about your comedy content this holiday shopping season:

1) Offer things in exchange for buying your albums or other merchandise.  During the year it is tough enough to get people to buy your comedy products, but with Black Friday competition it is nearly impossible.  So the least you can do is offer things to get people to buy what you produced (because the thing you produced may have cost money and may be a quality product, but who the fu*k are you?).  Sort of like going to a movie and demanding free popcorn and soda for showing up.  That is the baseline of comedy purchasers’ expectations. “I bought your album, don’t I get the other three free along with a limited edition engraved mug and watch?”

2) Give stuff for free just to get people to give you their e-mail.  OK, so maybe it was too ambitious to expect people to pay for content, even if you throw in lots of freebies, especially on Black Friday.  So instead, offer them all of your content (on top of videos and podcasts, give them albums, t-shirts, etc.) for free, IF, and only IF, they give you their Hotmail account that they use for spam.  That way you will build a connection to them that they only save for important e-mails about penile enlargement.

3) Do chores for people. On top of offering content for free you should volunteer to clean their house or babysit or wash their car in an effort for them to consider accepting your comedy materials for free.  You may lose time and money, but you will have increased by at least 9% the chances that your comedy album will be a prominent coaster in the guest room of their house.

4) Sexual favors.  People, this is not the normal shopping season – it is Black Friday in the Internet age of $5 Louis CK specials and free viral videos and streaming services!  If you want people to give you their g-mail account to actually see (but still ignore) your newsletter and comedy content you have to be willing to give more of yourself to your potential apathetic fan.

5) Murder for hire.  How committed are you to gaining new fans?  Comedy success and booking opportunities are about access to emails, Twitter followers and YouTube channel subscribers.  On Black Friday I recommend offering to kill a person that your potential fan hates.  If they still cannot follow you on Twitter or share a free video to friends after you kill their nagging landlord or mistress threatening to out their affair then maybe your content is just not that good.  So perhaps you need another couple years of seasoning and skill, but of course there is no guarantee that in the future the environment will be as friendly to content creators as it is now.

Happy Thanksgiving comedians, comedy fans and people who clicked on this by accident.

Check out my web series fund raising campaign here – http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy CAMPAIGN ENDS 11-30-13

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

2013 has been the best year that I can remember in a long time for movies.  I have seen great indie movies and great blockbusters, but now there is one movie set to be released this year that trumps them all.  It is a movie called Biggie.  It is a re-imagining of the Tom Hanks’ film Big, but instead of a loser kid wishing to be big, it is about a loser adult who wishes to be The Notorious B.I.G.  Check out the preview:

Check out my web series fund raising campaign here – http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

I do not have a daily podcast (believe me, the people are barely clamoring for a weekly one), but today is a day where I have a series of miscellaneous things I want to share that do not warrant a full blog treatment, but are bigger than mere tweets.  Well, since I am bored out of my mind with a bunch of 141 character thoughts I thought I would drop them here.  Enjoy this pot pie of comedy nonsense.

1)The Dwyane Wade Sitcom – the life of Dwyane Wade, Miami Heat star and alleged giver of an STD to his ex wife has a sitcom based on his life.  My guess it will follow the lead of Michael Strahan’s 4 episode sitcom on Fox, but who knows.  Obviously this could be a golden opportunity for exceedingly tall comedian/actors to get roles.  Here is the preliminary cast I have put together:

• Wade – Romany Malco
• LeBron James – Terry Crews
• Greg Oden – Morgan Freeman
• Chris Bosh – the raptor from Jurassic Park
• Pat Riley – Michael Douglas
• Erik Spoelstra – Joseph Gordon Levitt (or Bruno Mars – as someone suggested on Facebook)
• Commissioner David Stern – Jon Lovitz
• Shane Battier – J-L Cauvin

2) The Best Man Holiday – I pre-emptively ripped it on this week’s podcast after only seeing the first one.  Well the sequel was very enjoyable and noticeably better and more substantive that the first.  Here are the takeaways:

• Morris Chestnut should be a bigger star.  It has been 20 years since Boyz in the Hood and he has gone from playing a talented, emotionally nuanced football player to playing a talented, emotionally nuanced football player (at least as far as mainstream/crossover success is concerned).
• Morris Chestnut and Terrence Howard are very good criers.
• Morris Chestnut’s character is basically Adrian Peterson professionally (#28), but Tim Tebow personally.
• Movie was pretty damn funny, especially Howard.
• The woman that plays Mia looks too much like a female Derrick Favors to me.
• I have liked Nia Long since that movie with Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg in the 1990s and she has aged great, as in barely.
• Tyler Perry doesn’t understand why people like it.  And is writing his own movie called The Better Man Chooses Christ Over AIDS.

3) The new episode of Chappelle’s Show that is needed  – I watched the Mike Tyson show Undisputed Truth on HBO yesterday and one of my favorite stories is of how he beat up Mitch “Blood” Green in a Harlem street fight.  I have known about the story since it happened, but hearing Tyson flesh out the details only grew the legend.  Not of Tyson, but of Green.  To call Mike  Tyson, “the baddest man on the planet” in his prime, a “fa**ot” in the middle of the street, get beat up and keep coming back for more is the kind of courage-stupidity combination that I secretly wish I had.   Though as a struggling comedian I guess I am closer to it than most people.  Now instead of Charlie Murphy telling stories about Rick James for an episode have Mike Tyson telling the story about the night he fought Green for a full episode with Chappelle playing Green. Start engraving my name on an Emmy.

Check out my web series fund raising campaign here – http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

Yesterday I read an article in the New York Times about frustration coming from the Philippines and other Southeast Asian countries that feel they are going to bear the brunt of the increasingly devastating ecological disasters that have been brought on, or at least enhanced, by pollutants produced disproportionately by global powers.  In other words, the countries devastated worst are the most susceptible to even greater ecological damage, but they lack both the industry to be blamed as one of the chief causes as well as the economic power to battle and influence those that are the driving forces.  It’s literally the worst of both worlds.  As I read this article I thought of what a great parallel it made with states like Texas with regards to the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare.

Now I am no wonk like Ezra Klein, but I do my best to keep up with CNN and the New York Times on a daily basis.  If this reveals some horrible bias on my part then so be it, but I cannot spend my whole day reading every conspiracy conservative blog post or every hyperbolic, meant-to-be-thought-provoking-and/or-inspiring post from Upworthy on my Facebook feed, so it is the best I can do.  I also resent the idea that the New York Times, held as the public standard and public record for such a long time, all of a sudden became a bastion of liberal untruth (in their news reporting – yes their editorial page is liberal, but editorials and op-eds are on their face opinion pieces) when a cable station known as Fox News came to power.  The New York Times stood for “2 + 2 = 4” for most of my life. Then Fox News came around and told its minions “2+2 = 9 and anyone who thinks it is less than that is a liberal monster and a liar, but we will ‘compromise’ and say 2+2=7. But if you cannot agree on that then you are uncompromising and wrong.”

But back to the task at hand.  Texas has the most uninsured people of any state in America, by percentage (followed closely by Louisiana, to whom this analysis, if I can call it that, also applies). But their Governor Rick Perry, a staunch opponent of Obamacare, refused to expand Medicaid (once the Supreme Court made that part of Obamacare optional for states, but remember, a court is only activist when a LIBERAL court overturns or changes laws).  The decision to uphold Obamacare by the Supreme Court is really a terrible decision regardless of what your political leanings are.  It achieved the result of upholding the law, but it did so in a way that gutted the Commerce Clause powers of Congress far beyond what the Rehnquist Court ever did and it also made the Medicaid expansion optional, which was just the first way of rendering the decision a Pyrrhic victory for President Obama.

So Texas, with lots of uninsured people, and a federal guarantee to pick up 100% of the Medicaid costs for three years, and 90% of them after that, opted not to expand the rolls to the people who need it most.  Now, governors like Rick Perry like to say they are doing what is best for their state when the federal government comes a knockin’ because that sounds tough and full of leadership.  But in this case, it is not what is best for Texas that is driving Rick Perry, it is the new Republican governor motto – We do whatever is worse for President Obama.

And why did I start with the reference to the tragedy in the Philippines?  Because, just as their voices and wallets are insufficient to change the world community’s direction on climate change, so too are the poor people who would most benefit from an expansion of Medicaid in Texas.  Especially since Texas is one of several states, mostly southern, enacting stringent voter ID laws, since the Supreme Court gutted part of the Voting Rights Act earlier this year.  It has been well documented that the plague of voter fraud is a mirage created by Republicans.  Now one cannot sensibly argue for voter fraud, so that makes it an easy argument to make for anti-voter fraud measures.  As if voting against stringent requirements MAKES you pro-voter fraud.  But these laws are almost entirely a pre-text to limit the voting rights of communities who are more likely to vote Democratic.  So in states like Texas you have created an almost perfect circle.  The poor are denied health benefits out of political spite, but are then more likely to have voting impeded so that men like Governor Rick Perry can claim a mandate for their policies when the poor end up not voting in sufficient numbers to influence political change (several states like these are also ones seeking to limit early voting as well).

Do I think the requirements are too stringent? No. But I also am a very educated person with (diminishing) means.  They do not seem too harsh to someone in my position, but the real issue is why would one party be the overwhelmingly driving force behind a law that purports to solve a problem that does not exist unless it is a pre-text for something else?

Does this have to do with President Obama? Of course.  In 2008 lots of people were inspired and motivated to vote in larger numbers than before.  And a lot of those first time voters may not have looked the same as some of the regulars.  And there is your iron clad case for widespread voter fraud.

Now, as a supporter of President Obama I am both angry and disappointed that the healthcare.gov website was and is such a flop.  The way I feel about this website is how I felt about Eliot Spitzer getting caught with hookers.  Spitzer went after Wall St harder than just about anyone and was on the ball well before Wall St imploded. But he was messing with powerful people and by sleeping with high end hookers he gave them an Achilles’ heel to exploit.  Now President Obama clearly has not fu*ked around on Michelle because there is no way Republicans would have taken the high ground while looking for dirt if they learned that he had cheated.  But he challenged a massive industry and a powerful political party and with a faulty website he gave them Achilles’ entire leg to exploit.

Of course in states that cooperated and were efficient enough, the roll out of state run exchanges have been a success with Kentucky, of all places, being a shining example (wacko Senators, but a Democratic governor who believed it would help his state and that once it worked, would give him political cover).  I live in New York. I enrolled in a health plan yesterday in about 60 minutes (the biggest snafu I had was that New York State apparently does not recognize the hyphen in my name, Jean-Louis).  I was able to find plans that offered me better coverage than my current plan (which is pretty solid), is accepted by the doctors I see, and will save me about $160 per month over what I am paying now.  And it was offered by a new provider that emerged in 23 states, specifically because of the market opportunities created by the Affordable Care Act.  To me, the act is a clear cut success.

But I also understand that many (most?) people had their care go up and are also still having problems with the site.  And the President has taken responsibility for both the site and the misrepresentation made to people about keeping their health care.  But the fact is this is a plan on the scale of some of the biggest social programs in America’s history.  Everyone agrees that health care costs are a monstrous problem for the present and future of this country. Everyone sees problems with it.  The President pushed forward a plan, championed by Congressional Republicans in the 1990s and implemented by a Republican governor in Massachusetts in the 200s, but because the main political objective of Republicans in power nationwide has been “What’s Worse for Obama” they never made the best of it or worked with it (though some governors like Kasich in Ohio have).  So a majority of states never set up exchanges, many did not expand Medicaid and just waited for something to fail. And the website gave them that opening, but having over 30 states needing the federal site cannot help its efficacy (even though that is not an excuse).  But when one party stands as a roadblock out of principle than out of practicality and the betterment of their constituents, how is that a recipe for anything to be a full-fledged success?

From all that I have read the stimulus in 2009 staved off a worse recession, but many economists believed a much bigger stimulus was the key to reversing the economy’s woes.  However, Republicans (and their Blue Dog Democrat buddies) tempered it and forced a half measure, just as they have with every initiative Obama has put forth, even when the measures he put forth were Republican idea (cap and trade, health care marketplace, Middle East intervention, etc.)!  So you deliver half a solution and when it delivers half or less of a result the party that caused the failure then gets up and screams “It’s a failure!”  It is the political equivalent of another darling of Republicans – stand your ground laws.  You can pick a fight, begin losing a fight and then kill the person winning the fight and it is all legal, according to the state of Florida.  Republicans have governed with a sort of suicide bomber mentality with regards to President Obama.  “We cannot win because the President is personally popular and we have antiquated ideas and no policies (except for our libertarian brethren who are also assholes, but call themselves libertarians because they want to appear principled instead of selfish), but we can create a losing environment for the President.”

The point of all this is just like the climate change deniers or selfish industrial nations, while the haves argue policy and theory (ether honestly or cynically) there are have-nots being hurt, in reality, with the consequences of actions.  And the ACA is a real effort to help the have-nots.  The website and the President’s false statement are not small problems, but while complaining about those, maybe it is also worth asking what people like Gov. Rick Perry really want with their actions.  Is it what is best for Texans, or is it what’s worse for President Obama?  Best to ask this now while the poor, most likely to be helped or hurt by these actions, still have a voice.

Check out my web series fund raising campaign here – http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

There are various significant meanings to 48 Hours.  It is the best window of time to find a kidnapped child.  It is also a comedy about a black person and a white person arguing and hating each other while trying to solve a crime. And as of today it is a fundraising deadline for me  that combines the joy of a kidnapped child with the hilarity and tension of a person born of a black person and white person who constantly argue with each other.  Was this an incredible stretch to humorously introduce information about my fundraising campaign? Yes.

Here is the deal loyal readers of the blog and consumers of my comedy content: Friday night marks the halfway point of my fundraising campaign for Comedy Academy, my web series featuring me playing a series of famous comedians running a fictional comedy school.  Friends and fans have been incredibly generous and I am at $1200 13 days into the campaign.  But here is the deal – I need to raise $550 in the next 48 hours to reach my halfway goal by… the halfway point of the campaign.  If you have enjoyed the stuff I have produced over the years please consider giving.  You get various amounts of comedy stuff for giving more, so please check out the campaign and pick a level that fits with your economic situation and love of good comedy (and then spread to friends).  All a long way of saying – please check out the campaign and contribute please!

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

Last Thursday I was doing Jimmy Failla’s radio show and at the end he asked me if I was performing anywhere this weekend and out of instinct I said, “nope.”  But then I quickly realized, “Wait, yes I am!”  At this point, bookings feel more like Christmas miracles, so I hope it is understandable that I forgot.  This gig was particularly interesting since it was for a show in my girlfriend’s hometown (Wintersville, the town next to Steubenville, the town made famous for its high school football rape case/tweets earlier this year, which of course made Wintersville’s new welcome sign of “The Small Town that Doesn’t Rape” quite sensible).  I was featuring for her, but given our respective heights and levels of cheeriness, I went Drago before my set and told her “I must break you.”

Before the show I went to my girlfriend’s childhood home and given that the tallest person in her family is about 5’11”, it was not surprising that I was bumping my shoulder on some of the light fixtures (lesser men might bump their head, but as a member of the Mensa-esque division of the overactive pituitary club I can sometimes bump my shoulder into low hanging lights. Basically, I looked like Gandalf visiting Bilbo Baggins.

Side note – the Keystone train of Amtrak does not have a snack car.  We took the train from NYC to Harrisburg, PA and then drove from Harrisburg to Wintersville and I was very disappointed that the Keystone has no snack car.  I assume it was Philadelphia’s 30th Street Station that lobbied for this.  There is a 20 minute stop in Philly before moving on to the rest of Pennsylvania so it turns all the passengers on the train into post-Apocalypse scavengers looking to build up supplies for the journey into Tea Party regions of Pennsylvania.

OK – back to the show.  When we arrived at the restaurant that has weekly (I think it’s weekly, maybe monthly, I have no idea) comedy I saw that the average color was bleach, the average age was life support and the average political leaning felt like “Ted Cruz is a liberal traitor.”  And yet, to quote the sports cliché, this is why you play the game.  They turned out to be a great comedy crowd.  Laughed a lot, minimal crowd input unless explicitly asked or spoken too, and just a pleasure to perform for.  Gigs like this make me feel good as a comedian, because even four years ago I could have easily bombed in front of a crowd like this. Just proves that the more you write and the more experience you gain performing for and learning from different crowds, the fewer crowds you cannot win over.  I am now certain that my skills and volume of material put me in position to win over any crowd in America, other than television executives and NYC club bookers.

One of the highlights of the show was an audience member, “John,” who looked like Barry Melrose, if he was raised in Texas instead of Canada.  This guy was a phenomenal audience member, a good sport and an anthropologist/archaeologist (hence my nickname of Indiana Melrose for him).  What fascinated me (pardon me if this sounds too much like a sheltered Yankee) was that he was a gun carrier, but did not seem like an unreasonable nut job (I am exaggerating for effect).  We did not have time to discuss gun rights, though it was sort of a novel feeling to meet a guy who liked carrying a gun, but who did not scare me for wanting to carry a gun.  I would have liked to ask him if he was for more background checks, etc., but he was an interesting contradiction of assumptions – a gun toting academic from a small town who looked like a young villainous Gary Oldman.

This may have seemed like all superfluous information, but when people wonder why I hate not getting more road work it I because I love everything about the road. I like travelling (reading time not distracted by TV, games, etc), I like hotels (except for the blood stained sheets at the New Haven La Quinta Inn) and I have enjoyed travelling to different cities in America and seeing stereotypes confirmed and refuted.  Maybe one day I will run for political office and be able to say:

“A lot of politicians say they understand you, but a comedian can honestly make that claim.  I have travelled to cities all over this country by plane, train, bus and car.  I have been to your stores, your malls, your tourist attractions, your Churches, your strip clubs and your comedy clubs.  I know our differences, but also our similarities.  I have had a lot of money and I have also struggled.  All this has been made possible by my career in stand up comedy. And I would have not understood and experienced financial struggles and dream crushing frustrations without one group of American heroes. God Bless the comedy club bookers!”

But seriously, I was a former ADA (“tough on crime, just ask Craig’s List prostitutes”), worked in the private sector (“may not have understood all the he did, but did understand how to bill clients”) and charismatic on the stump “engaging and funny on stage, sort of hard to believe clubs never paid him”. This is a great combination of experience and skills for political office.  Cauvin 2028 – get those bumper stickers ready!  I am already thinking a good slogan will be “Cauvin – Do Not Be Offended By His Old Tweets Please.”

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

At least once a year I like to scold comedy audiences and consumers of comedy content (I turn the gun on the comedy industry enough) and this year’s scolding is about the word “pretty.”  And first let me apologize if the title to this blog misled readers thinking they might get a screed against women in comedy.  I am not Buzzfeed, Salon, EliteDaily or any of hundreds of shitty websites people continue to post from based on descriptions like “19 things people do with odd numbers” and “our 1,00,799th video this week that will change the way you feel about everything.”  It is simply a post about the worst word in comedy.

This week alone I received a tweet and a post show compliment describing work I had done as “pretty good.”  There are many adverbs that are perfectly acceptable to describe comedic endeavors”, but “pretty” is not one of them.  Here are the things I would rather hear than “pretty” good:

• very good
• really good
• good
• quite good
• not good
• not at all good
• I hope you die

This may seem odd, but let me explain – comedy, especially of the opinionated type, is 80% making you laugh, 20% making you feel/think.  That means for every four wholehearted compliments I receive I also expect one person to have been made to have  negative reaction.  It is sort of like why I like Christopher Nolan and Tyler Perry films – one is to make me enjoy myself and the other is to place my rage.  That is why if Tyler Perry ever makes a movie that is not an F I will be disappointed.  There is no bigger waste of time in entertainment than hearing or watching a C+.  I want to see things at the extremes – great or horrible.  And that is what I want people to feel when they hear me do stand up.  I know that most people that hear me will enjoy what I do, but people who have a bad reaction to me almost validate my approach.  40 people laughing hard and 10 people scowling is sort of the ideal ratio for me.

And that is why when someone says “that was pretty funny/good” I feel like someone is scratching their nails across a blackboard.  That is because pretty in that context is a negative modifier.  “That was good” sounds like a compliment.  “That was pretty good” sound like you are rationing compliments during a compliment drought in a post-apocalyptic comedy world.  And it is a conscious decision.  Most, but not all of the time it is a guy, but here is a more thorough statistical breakdown:

• 88% Men
• 12% Women
• Among the men – 70% Dude/bros (or dude/bros emeritus) and 30% socially awkward, and 90% of all the men with girlfriends/wives
• 99% of the women – bitchy

In other words, after over a decade of getting a full range of compliments I have a large enough sample size to make this somewhere between anecdotal and scientific.  And the word pretty is almost always used by people who enjoyed the show, but somehow want to be withholding in their compliments.  Don’t these people know that most comedians are in this game because of withholding parents and don’t need a fresh dose?  But of course if a vast majority of the “pretty” people are assholes to begin with what is the point in addressing this?  They are either too insecure, too tone deaf or too stupid to give proper compliments (or to say nothing), so why even write about it?  Well, simply put, here are the two reasons:

1. Now, when greeted with a “that was pretty good” I basically tell the people to keep it moving, in not so many words.  On multiple occasions my dismissive acceptance of their compliment has led to a follow up, “No, really good stuff man.”  So am I an asshole? Maybe.  But if someone wants to give you a half compliment to feel empowered do I give a shit how they feel about me? Nope.  So feel free to shame an asshole giving an intentionally marginalized compliment.
2. I had writer’s block today.  So feel free to call this post “pretty good.” At least it would be the truth in this case.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free!

The month of November is a critical time. New York City will select a new mayor, the NBA Season is underway and Hannukah and Thanksgiving occur on the same day, making it a rare time to celebrate the unsung heroes of American History – the Jewish Pilgrims.  But for me it is more important than all of those things combined.  That is because I have launched, if you did not already see, a fund raising campaign for my new web series, COMEDY ACADEMY.  In it I will reprise my role as Louis CK, from Louis CK Tells The Classics, as the Dean of a fictional comedy school.  I will also play George Lopez, Dane Cook, Gary Gulman and JB Smoove as professors of various comedic disciplines.  Joining me will also be comedian JP McDade (I only work with comedians over 6’4″ with initials, JP is 6’5″ ish) playing Professor Anthony Jeselnik.

It is a project that requires video taping, editing, make-up, a few make-up effects and location rentals so for the first and only time I decided to do a fundraising campaign to secure the needed funds (100% go towards costs so I will remain hilariously un-enriched from this series).  It will be funny, stands a good chance of going viral and you will be able to say you contributed (which I guess you can say even if you don’t, but then you are a liar). In exchange for any level of contribution (ranging from $5 to $100) you will receive various perks from me (all non-sexual. Sorry).  But please, with 27 days to go in the 30 day campaign we are about 20% towards the goal. So please give a small amount, a big amount, or something in between and encourage friends, family members, colleagues, Internet billionaires and any famous athletes you know to contribute to the campaign. You can learn more and donate at the link below:

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/comedy-academy/x/5185338

Thanks in advance.  It will be released around Christmas 2013.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic, iTunes and NOW on STICHER. New Every Tuesday so subscribe on one or more platforms today – all for free! Tomorrow’s episode is a one-on-one interview and discussion with one of J-L’s comedy heroes – GARY GULMAN!