Anyone But The Lakers

The Utah Jazz crush me for the 22nd consecutive year.

Last night I watched the Los Angeles Lakers defeat the Utah Jazz in 5 games.  I wish it could have been to any team other than the Lakers.  And as the Jazz generally do, they did not give up and made a valiant comeback (down 22 in the 4th quarter, they cut the Lakers to 6 with 3 and a half minutes left).  But all that does is put crazy thoughts in my head like, “they may win!” 

This is a franchising altering year for the Jazz – their owner has died, their longtime announcer has retired and Coach Jerry Sloan, the longest tenured Coach in professional sports is getting older and even crankier (although it was great seeing him go after the referee last night mouthing motherfu-ker as he got ejected – at least he still has some fire). 

Fu-k you LA!!!
Fu-k you LA!!!

But this is about the need for someone other than the Lakers to win the NBA title.  I like Derek Fisher and Lamar Odom on the Lakers and that is it.  I am indifferent to Andrew Bynam.  I hate the rest of the team.  Let’s go through it:

Kobe Bryant – This blogger has a strong policy of not supporting anal rapists, regardless of how funny the reference of Kobe has made one of my jokes.

Defenses and young women are helpless against my will.
Defenses and young women are helpless against my will.

Pau Gasol– It is bad enough that he is missing an L on his first name, but he looks like a really tall homeless piece of Eurotrash.

Is that Paul Gasol or the world's tallest homeless European?
Is that Paul Gasol or the world's tallest homeless European?

Luke Walton – No one likes the rich kid who skates by on his father or parents’ wealth and/or Hall of Fame status and Luke Walton is no exception.  If his name was Luke Murphy he would be an assistant coach somewhere.

The Tommy Boy of the NBA
The Tommy Boy of the NBA

Trevor Ariza– Once again a firm blogger rule – can’t like people with neck tattoos.  And he is a former NY Knick, which, like herpes, is something that is never really gone.

You are a decent player, but there's no cure Knicks-itis
You are a decent player, but there's no cure Knicks-itis

Sasha Vujacic – Literally my least favorite person in the NBA.  I really think I would be tempted to sucker punch him if I ever saw him on the street.   Part of it is because he is a flopper and annoying, but part of it is that he has some unknown, but very unlikeable arua around him.

Sasha Vujacic - is he from a war torn country?  Well, why did the war tearing miss him?
Sasha Vujacic - is he from a war torn country? Well, why did the war tearing miss him?

Laker fans  – I have a problem with Laker fans, especially those outside of LA.  I know I am a Jazz fan outside of Utah, but unlike Laker fans it would be difficult for someone to call me a fair-weather fan if my favorite team has never won a title and did not even make a finals appearance until my 10th year as a fan.

After the game my fat rolls have a date with an anorexic skank.
After the game my fat rolls have a date with an anorexic skank.

So now I must hope that someone, LeBron James most likely, can stop this team from claiming a title.  Good luck King James.

Felons, Eurotrash, and Nepotism are the Axis of Evil for Lebron in the finals
Felons, Eurotrash, and Nepotism are the Axis of Evil for Lebron in the finals

 

And yes I am very bitter about the Jazz losing.

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