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August 14, 2017

Weekend Road Recap: Wayne Manor – The Sequel

by J-L Cauvin

This weekend I headed back to Clifton Park, NY for a private party show.  Last year a comedian buddy from Albany invited me up to do the party and it turned out to be a great show (here is last year’s recap), so when asked to do it again this year I said yes without hesitation.  There were several similarities to last year (though I did a new 35 minutes out of 40 minutes from last year) so I will try to focus on the different from last year.  I took Amtrak up to Albany which was pleasant and then waited around the station for Frank (the other comedian) to pick me up. And that is where our story begins.

A Storm Gathers

When Frank pulled up he had his 12 year old daughter with him who was going to a different party.  So we were on good verbal behavior (only discussions of soft core pornography). After he dropped her off we went to Starbucks to map out our sets. I had a black coffee and Frank had a citrus mint tea, which I thought could get you beat to death in upstate NY. Obviously there has been some real progress made on social issues (#MAGA).  While we were in Starbucks the Heavens opened up and a ferocious storm was unleashed.  We became concerned for the party. Not that we wouldn’t get paid, but that the tent they have for the party would not withstand the storm or that there would a downhill flood (the house and tent area is at the bottom of a decline on the property).  Well, that was the first and last time I underestimated Wayne Manor.

When we arrived at the house the rain had almost fully stopped. And we had underestimated the size of the property. There is a long downward slope to the front lawn and driveway, but it is so big that there is a nice 30 yards of flat land at the end of the front law so even if there was runoff there was enough of a buffer before the area where the tent was.  And not a drop of water inside the large tent.  Well done Dave! (Dave is the owner of the home and Clifton Park’s Bruce Wayne). So we dragged all the equipment down to the tent and while Frank set it all up I would look up from my plate of food (delicious chicken!) and ask, with little intention of doing anything, “need help?”  Then it was showtime.

When you live at Wayne Manor, rain storms only mean that rainbows are on their way to your party

Laughs, Tyattoos and Dessert!

Frank started the show off and did well, despite the DJ ambushing him into starting the show before he was ready (maybe that is karma payback for every time a comedian has started a bar show without people realizing there would be a show where they are drinking). He did well and then I got on.  I did a lot of new material, but my new bit (which needs work) on women with tattoos was a real highlight. Here is a rough approximation of the bit and exchange:

Me: As a mixed race person I am still looking for that type of woman who I can date as a fetish, but also discriminate against by not taking her seriously.  I am thinking tatted up women are that group.  Like just so inked up that it excites me and feels dangerous, but to a level where she definitely cannot have my kids or meet my parents.

Teacher: Iye hyave lots of tyats (trying to replicate the Vermont accent)

Me: Where?

Teacher: Well Iye yam a teacher so Iye cyant hyave visible tyats but my entire sayde is tyattted up!

Me: But I cannot see them so that means you still respect your job and having a normal life.  I am talking about a woman with sleeves and neck tattoos – a level of ink that says “fu*k my future.”  That’s the level of fetish I am talking about.

*She then showed her substantial thigh tattoo*

Me: Well, give me a second. I am just going to text my girlfriend that we need to see other people.

I ended my set with Trump and then ate 4 mini cannolis and a couple of cookies. With that Frank and I got paid and he drove me to… the Greyhound station.

Greyhound Finale

Me holding my semi-annual “No Lives Matter” sit in at Albany’s Greyhound station

I got to the Albany bus station at 1030pm for the 11 pm bus.  The bus didn’t arrive until 1130pm. I sat down next to a man on the full bus who smelled like the 2 worst smelling African cab drivers formed a super group with the 2 worst smelling Indian cab drivers (NStink?), did a 90 minute Bikram yoga workout and then rented out space in this guy’s seat.  Not an exaggeration – my eyes teared up and I had one quasi-gag.  Sadly, the driver was super slow and we arrived in NYC at 215am.  The only thing I am ashamed of is that when I got home and my girlfriend was sleeping peacefully I got into bed without showering despite carrying at least 4 diseases from the Greyhound ride.  But we are still together so unless I run into a woman with sleeves and neck tattoos, nothing can stop us!

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