He has already take a vow of chastity and stupidity and does not know it.

Victor M DeLeon III is nine years old. According to the New York Times he has been playing video games “professionally” since he was four years old (although technical rules of pro gaming state that one must be fifteen years old to be truly professional; i.e. until it starts stifling your puberty and social growth as a human being you cannot truly be a professional video game player).

Victor III also has a national corporate sponsor and is known to video game rivals as “L’il Poison.” His endorsement is worth $20,000, not to mention all the prizes he competes for during the year, which are worth thousands of dollars. His favorite game is Halo 2 – a game with extreme violence that is perfect for a boy between the ages of 5 and 9 looking forward to a future of paying for sex and/or shooting up his high school.

One could say that I am a little bitter or annoyed that a 3rd grader who can push buttons on an idiot box has a greater net worth than me. But in this case I read on and realized that video game prodigies, like cheaters rarely win (unless of course they are wealthy, preppy white kids at suburban private schools, but this is not about my high school).

You see, Victor III began playing video games when he was two, by mimicking his father. If you are still shi–ing in a diaper, video games should not be the next stage of your development. But Victor DeLeon Jr. (III’s Dad) began playing games relatively early too. With that life experience Deleon Jr. has passed on to III some valuable lessons:

1) He only plays two hours of video games a day. Which means he probably plays four hours a day.

2) Before every competition Jr. asks III “if he wants to do it?” Nothing like parenting by consent.

3) Jr. has told III that “You can’t jump off a building and come back to life, or reach out and stop a truck.” Things any sober 9 year old should know.

Among the positives are that III has already accumulated enough money to pay for a 4 year private college tuition. That’s nice, but what use is it going to be when he is applying to the University of Phoenix on-line?

And then there’s the genetic factor. Jr says that III passed him in video games skills when III was four years old? If you are 26 years old and your son is not named Mozart, the only things he should be better than you at are peeing his pants and playing spur of the moment games with no rules or sense. But alas, that was not to be Jr.’s fate and he became a “coach” to III. In other words Jr. is living vicariously through his son, who is experiencing life vicariously through video games.

Of course the article flaunts III’s other interests to not make him sound so one dimensional. His other “interests” include Star Wars, fried chicken, music, basketball and his hamster and dog. Not listed among the budding DaVinci’s interests were farts, cooties and cake.

Now I may seem like I am coming down hard on III and I am, but only as a warning to the thousands of kids being reared like III who will not grow up to be 6 figure video game stars named L’il Poison. Read a book (preferably not a strategy guide to the latest Grand Theft Auto). And if your Dad plays video games more than you get a paternity test. Hoping that your Mom was a slut may be the only thing that can save you at this point.