Besides the interns

At a mentoring event at the high school near my office there was a speech by a man named Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu (I think it’s an Italian name). He gave a very insightful and inspirational talk for the many young men, mentors and parents at the school. He said one thing that has stuck with me, “What you do most, you do best.” Now he meant it for the young men who were playing more video games and TV watching than studying, but it resonated with me as well. So I said let me look at this week and determine what I do best.

Today (Monday) I will workout for one hour, sit at a desk trying to put people in jail for 8 hours and then take a screenwriting class for 3 hours.

Tuesday – Workout 90 minutes, crime/desk thing for 8 hours and then go to a 2 hour Police/Community Precinct council meeting as a representative from my office.

Wednesday – 90 minute workout, desk/crime thing and then watch Sarah Silverman at Caroline’s.

Thursday – 30 minute workout, crime/desk, then give a 2 hour Q and A to some kids at a project near where I live and to tell them what I do for a living (“Who knows what ‘surf the net’ and ‘cut and paste’ means?”)

Friday – 2 hour workout, desk/crime and then see a potentially atrocious film.

Now excluding the work I do now, what do I “do” most? Well I workout – but, because I do not want to spot people and be a motivational speaker for oversexed married women and fat men with too much money, personal training is not for me.

I will see a movie, something reader of this blog knows that I do a lot. However that is only 2 hours of my week and seeing movies is not really a career.

That leaves community service/public office. I will be going to two events for sure this week and perhaps a third on behalf of my office. I can’t blame them. Who doesn’t want to hear a funny 6’7″ guy speak, other than comedy clubs? So, based on my weeks of serving the community, it is today that I announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America.

Sure there are problems – constitutional (I am only 27 and 35 is the minimum age), qualifications (no candidate has ever been elected to office that I know of that lives with their parents, except for that 18 year old mayor of that town in Michigan) and scandals (see my comedy routine, including my “Schwarz-e-lazy ass negger” routine from the first 6 months of my comedy career). But I don’t see any real obstacles in my way for running for president. Here are my positives:

1) I am funny for a politician, just not good enough to get any work at NY Comedy Clubs.

2) I am half black, but unlike Barack Obama I can legitimately trick many red state racists into voting for me.

3) Based on my job I can come across as “tough on crime,” although I am usually much tougher on inanimate objects after my sports team loses.

4) My father is an immigrant, which would make many people not named Lou Dobbs like me.

5) My brother writes for a major American newspaper, as does my sister-in-law so they can pump lots of favorable publicity for me.

6) I am 6’7” and would most likely be the tallest candidate. And the taller candidate (John Kerry excluded) always wins. Sort of like that guy who brings a bomb on a plane to be safe because, what are the chances that there are two bombs on one plane?

7) I was 2006 Time’s Man of the Year. It’s true I looked and saw that I was on the cover.

So after examining how I spend my time and figuring what I would do best I now know:

Think about and write blogs about hypothetical situations that will be read by dozens.