And other funny thoughts from The State of the Union

I was enjoying American Idol last night, but then realized that I was missing pre-game commentary on the State of the Union. So I flipped to MSNBC to watch Keith Olberman interview Hilary Clinton with a split screen with the House coming to order.

Side note – Am I the only guy in America who feels like, “Yes I want Hilary Clinton to be President, but I probably said to girls and women from about 4th grade up until about two weeks ago – A woman president? There will never be a woman president!”

Anyway – as the State of the Union progressed here were some of my thoughts:

1) Does Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff have full blown AIDS? I know it sounds harsh, but he looks like he should be hooked up to an IV in a scene from “And The Band Played On.” Get that guy a sit down with Magic Johnson’s doctors before it’s too late. Gaunt with a thin mustache – I feel like I am watching a Freddie Mercury death bed scene every time that guy is on camera.

2) Did they have to sit Dikembe Mutombo near the 1st lady and some 4’11” Asian woman? The man is 7’2″. At least sit him next to an assortment of 6’4″ people. And I loved hearing about his humanitarian work in Africa, but a couple of odd thoughts popped into my head when W. was praising him.

i) Did it really take the insight of John Thompson to get Dikembe to play basketball? a 7’2″ man with hands that can cause an eclipse of the Sun when he raises one in class to answer a question would probably lead everyone on campus to get him to the gym.

ii) Possibly an elite racist Georgetown urban legend, but I have heard from numerous people that as a student at Georgetown, Dikembe had gone to a bar and pulled out his Mutombo, thumped it on the bar and said, “Who wants to sex Mutombo?” This story and the people who have spread or started it may be liars, exaggerating or just trying to portray the large African man as something out of a D.W. Griffith film, but I was really hoping he would do it again on Laura Bush’s shoulder. She was at the perfect height! I would have given another standing ovation.

3) I really did like the people that George W. Bush gave shout outs to. Especially the guy from NYC who saved the other guy from being run over by a train. I thought it was a nice moment.

4) Condi Rice has to smile more, even if it means exposing her teeth. When she has that bizarre scowl on her face I want to change the channel.

5) Bush is asking everyone to give his new plan (Operation: Throwing Glass of Water on Towering Inferno) a chance, but remember what happened last time he had a plan in Iraq? I don’t either.