Jack Bauer must stop torturing people

The last two days were some of the most fun I have had at work. The main reason: I was not at work. I got to go to the Public Interest Law Fair at NYU law school. So for two days I got to talk to law students about where I work and the summer internship program at my office, which I actually participated in – the last summer before I discovered stand up comedy.

Now I thought I like talking and I guess I do. But talking for 8 hours a day, repeating the same stuff (and rotating the same 10 jokes) about 25 times a day is like a scared straight program for people who like to talk. “I swear I am done with all this talking sh-t!”

But the best thing about it was seeing students who, even if they are faking or acting exceptionally nice because they think I can help them get a job, still believe in their own potential. Work tends to crush that hope mercilessly so it was refreshing to get out of the office and see men and women who still have hope and dreams.

That said I took someone’s coat by accident after the fair and learned 3 hours later when I saw an Ipod in the pocket and then looked further and saw that it was not my coat. So now I have done a 180. I have had my Ipod stolen and now I have stolen an Ipod. I tried to do some detective work and saw that there was St John’s law school stationary (clue #1). Then I said to myself – oh, whose name is this registered to. Well, unfortunately the person opted for a nickname, “Dolemite Q.” Good plan – maybe I should register my Ipod “Shaft,” so if I lose it, it can be returned to Sam Jackson or Richard Roundtree.

Hopefully this gets resolved (and I get my own coat back), but then I woke up this morning, opened the Daily News and learned that there are much more pressing issues at hand.

The United States Military has figured out what is hurting our wars in Iraq and on Terror: Jack Bauer’s stand on torture.

This season on 24 (which is about as farfetched as can be) Jack Bauer’s has decided to torture everyone from terrorists to his own brother to the guy at the McDonald’s drive thru that fu-ked up his order. “I ORDERED TWO APPLE PIES. NOW TELL ME WHERE THEY ARE!”

Can people in the military be serious? 24 is art imitating life, not the other way around. Torture makes sense for the show because we have tortured lots of people trying to figure out where all the oil wells are. If anyone in Iraq is becoming a terrorist or joining a death squad as a stand against Jack Bauer then they would probably join up at some point regardless of what plot twists occur on 24.

I will still watch 24 this Monday and then vent my anger at imaginary torture on Tuesday at the launch of my new midtown comedy show. Check here for details and please come out and support. Even if you need to torture someone to get there.

http://www.myspace.com/zeroreservations