3 Men and a Little Lady

Since I am approaching one month with my new living situation I figured that it was time to give a status report on it. But then I reflected and said, “Hey I have not written anything funny in a while, so maybe I should do a humorous history of my roommates.” Well, here it is:

MY BROTHER

For the first 11 years of my life I had a roommate. He looked very much like me and was an excellent roommate. He was six and half years older than me and never made a stink about having to turn off the tv or do work outside after 9 pm when his freakishly tall younger brother went to sleep. When I had bad dreams as a little kid he would tell me it was ok, which is strange because most older brothers are required to punch you in the face and say, “stop being such a pussy.” Other than being very hairy and leaving said hair all over the sink – an excellent roommate.

The only problem began to arise when he started coming home from college and tried to act like it was still his room. It set a dangerous precedent in my house that despite being a legal adult the home was still open and to be treated as the primary home. It would lead to disastrous results as I treated it as such until the age of 28.

RANDOM TASK

I call my next roommate (sophomore year of college) Random Task because that was his nickname and he resembled one of the Austin Powers villains in Austin Powers 1. He was messy, but kept it confined to his side of the room. He also mistook my laundry for a urinal once. And he also would eat a large pizza by himself after midnight and then go to sleep three out of five weeknights. I had my own room junior and senior years.

MY TEAMMATE

In law school I roomed with a college teammate of mine. We were both 6’7”, which made it the tallest room apartment in law school/law center history. The things I remember most were watching a lot of movies, joking around, figuring out who would cave and unclog the shower drain, and the time when I ate cereal with a giant serving spoon because he used all the spoons and had not washed one. I learned two important lessons from that. One is that even when you are technically right it is better not to be a bitch. Secondly I am still good friends with him because we did not live together the next two years.

MY GIRLFRIEND

Now we are at my current living situation. Things are very good so far. She’s a morning person and so am I. Unfortunately her morning starts at 10 am and mine starts at 5:30 am. And when I come home from working out she often greets me with a “boys are gross.” But it is either really great or I am madly in love (or both), but in any case I am happy. And best of all she’s clean and neat, but the size 4 clothes strewn around the apartment can be a hazard sometimes. Where’s Random Task when you need him?

Disclaimer – clothes strewn about are size 2 only, need to say that so I do not need to look for a new roomie.