And I am not talking about Jesus

Now I wanted to hold off on blogs until the end of the week when I could put out a legitimate Top 10 movie list for 2006. Unfortunately I saw a film last night that requires a public service announcement. DO NOT SEE THE GOOD SHEPHERD. Consider this a Christmas present.

Now Robert DeNiro’s first directorial effort was a Bronx Tale. It was not great, but it was a solid effort. The only word to describe his second film is messy. It is sure to join Miami Vice and Happy Feet in my worst films of 2006. Here are the reasons why:

1)The film is too jumpy. This film jumps around so much it makes The Godfather II look linear. Telling the story chronologically would have helped except for the fact that…

2)I did not care what happened by the end of the film. Not one performance in this film was worth watching. It seemed like every one was mailing it in. They all sucked. If no one in the films seems to care or be worth caring about, why would I?

3)We get it – spies speak in metaphors. “The pool is full of water, but there is no chlorine.” “The bread is in the basket, but the recipe needed more yeast.” “The weather is looking better, but the clouds are still looming.” “Fish are still swimming, but the food is almost gone.” SHUT UP AND SAY WHAT YOU MEAN ONCE IN A WHILE.

4)There were 4 opportunities to end the film mercifully, but it just kept going and going and going.

5)They had to force Matt Damon to marry Angelina Jolie when he gets her pregnant. Wow – what a sacrifice. Fine, fine I will marry the world’s hottest woman, but I am only doing this because it is the right thing to do.

6)The young man who plays Angelina and Matt’s son is one of the strangest looking people I have seen in a movie and is a horrible actor.

Overall grade – D+

I will not see every movie this year, but the last 4 before my top 10 are: Children of Men, Letters From Iwo Jima, Blood Diamond and Pan Labrynth. Enjoy your holidays and remember the only Good Shepherd this Christmas is the one with the long hair and the miracles.