THE BEST

Derek Jeter. Proving once again that Derek, Mariah and I are part of a Master race set to take over entertainment, Derek Jeter goes 5 for 5 in the first playoff game of 2006 for the NY Yankees. Unlike Derek Jeter my jokes last night went about 17 for 24, not a bad percentage for free throws, but it would have been nicer to get some more laughs. An old classic of mine (“Rocky”) got a big response.

THE WORST

In Georgia on Saturday, a man stabbed another man in the back, puncturing his lung, with a 10 inch blade. The reason? He was losing at NCAA Football on Play Station. Being that I work in law enforcement I have put my legal mind to work to find the reasons for this:

1) The victim did not stand for the National Anthem when the video game played it.

2) Stabber’s sister and wife wanted to play, but when Stabber realized that his wife and sister were the same person he became enraged.

3) Victim refused to drive Stabber to Waffle House after the game.

4) Stabber is a method actor practicing for his role as Brutus in Julius Caesar.

But after I went through these theories I realized – hey, he was losing in NCAAA Football on Play Station. Isn’t that reason enough? I am just looking forward to the release of Scarface the video game, where if you lose, Al Pacino has to kill himself. WHOO AAAHH