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How Do You Know Your Career Is Stalled?

This weekend I featured at Magooby’s Joke House in Baltimore.  Some of the highlights:

  1. “My Private 9/11” is now 20/20 for killing (most in New York, but also in Detroit and Baltimore)- I keep expecting it to offend some crowd, but it keeps working.
  2. Only 2/3 of the crowd knows what pulling  “a Kobe” is, when referring to sexual proclivities.
  3. I got offered a spot this Saturday on a Baltimore radio station to discuss sports as President Obama (details forthcoming).
  4. I robbed four drug dealers.

But this trip could have been a massive failure if I had not built up tremendous mental strength in my 6 years doing comedy.  Because on Friday a friend of mine for 16 years, in an effort to possibly get me some stage time asked me a devastating question shortly before my first show of the weekend.  That question: “what’s your website so I can give the guy your info.”

This question has so many layers of disappointment in it.  The first being – here’s a hint – it’s my name, it’s on the bottom of my e-mails, on my myspace and facebook pages.  But beyond the “are you kidding me Derek?” Zoolander aspect of the question, there is a deeper, more troubling aspect to it.  That is the, if I am not marginally relevant to any of my friends, how can I expect to have any relevance to an actual comedy fan, question.  Because this scenario means that my friend either never visits my website or that my website is so banal to my friend that googling me to tell his friend my website is not worth his time or the time of his pentium processor.

I guess in comedy it’s sort of like Michael Corleone said.  Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.  Because at least your enemies know your website.

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American Idol: Adam Lambert

If you do not watch American Idol because you never thought to, you should watch this season.  If you are someone (probably a guy) who defiantly shouts, “I don’t watch that gay sh*t,” then I urge you to change your mind because I used to think the same think, minus the homophobic sentiments.  If you are like a few people I know who have not watched since Clay Aiken got robbed by Ruben Studdard – the time to get over it now.  I was upset about Al Gore getting robbed of the presidency and if I could get over that I think you can move on as well.

This season is phenomenal.  For the record, 4 of my top 5 are still alive in the Top 8, but two people I did not have in my Top 5 I can be excused for.  Kris Allen was not featured until after the Top 36 had been picked and not before.  And Adam Lambert I genuinely thought was too Broadway for the show.  But since then he has been a ridiculous show stopper every show.

But my favorite thing about Adam Lambert, other than a voice that somehow has both Steve Perry and almost early 1990s Mariah Carey range, is his Dad.  His Dad clearly is still sort of coming to grips with his son’s homosexuality.  They have interviewed Adam’s parents several times and Mr. Lambert has yet to make eye contact with the camera.   Sort of like how Derek Zoolander’s father was upset about Derek playing a Mermaid in a television commercial.  MERMAN!!!!!

The best, however, was last night when Adam’s mother said, “Adam was interested in everything as a kid – music, reading-” And then Mr. Lambert chimed in – “Not so much sports.”  Unbelievably classic television.

Oh and if anyone is wondering if Adam is gay:

Exhibit A: He said that Randy Travis was a “total gentleman” during their rehearsal.  What guy refers to another guy as a gentleman when a truck stop or spooning is not involved?

Exhibit B:

But the fact that this kid is other-worldly talented is undeniable.  There were rumors that when Clay Aiken was in his glass closet (everyone could see through it) American Idol did not want him to win so they jammed phone lines to prevent him from winning.  Maybe this is true, maybe it is not, but it is undeniable that when male artists come out officially (George Michael and Clay Aiken come to mind) they seem to lose the status they once had as closeted or ambiguous.  Even Elton John had to keep up a charade of ambiguity for many years.  So although it should not have to take someone as exceptional as Adam Lambert to become the Jackie Robinson of karaoke competition shows it looks good that Idol will not be able to stop his climb to the top.  Although I had liked Danny Gokey (powerful-voiced widower) or Matt Geraud (soulful white guy with less beauty, but more singing chops than Justin Timberlake) to win, Lambert’s showmanship (go figure) and vocal range are going to steamroll the competition.  You should watch if you are not before he comes out officially and the music biz (and American public) ship him off to the fringe.