For Colored Girls vs For White Girls – Who…

The fans of Tyler Perry films and Lena Dunham’s Girls probably do not have a large intersecting area in the Venn Diagram of entertainment.  One is a large black man who is a hero in the black Church community who writes horribly written films for an often neglected section of America (black middle class), starring an underemployed segment of Hollywood actors (black people not named Will or Denzel).  The other is large white woman who is a hero to the white girls who cannot find their footing in this big crazy world and find validation watching a show about unlikeable fu*k-ups.  But she is 26 and to accomplish what she has is impressive.  So Perry and Dunham are both remarkable role models, despite being creators of somewhat cringe-worthy content.

And to be fair, I do not have a gripe about Dunham writing a show that focuses on all white chicks, despite their saturation of music, television and movies.  I already wrote a defense of it here last year.  So that is not the point of this.  In fact I am not sure the point of this except after watching this week’s episode of Girls, I realized that Dunham and Tyler Perry could and should form an alliance.

Watching the episode that just passed it dawned on me that Girls and Tyler Perry’s colossal failure of a film For Colored Girls (not his original work, but definitely his bad film making and terrible adaptation of the source material) provide a duo that basically amounts to a mediocre comedian doing an extended bit called “Black women have problems like this!  But white women have problems like this!” (George Lopez trademark pending).

Taking the four memorable incidents from Perry’s For Colored Girls and the four big shifts for the characters in Girls so far this season let’s learn a little about what it is like to be in these different groups:

The Big Star Gets In Trouble With A Gay Man

Lena Dunham’s character has realized that she cannot date her socially awkward, but significantly more attractive boyfriend (a 5 to her .8), she bangs a black Republican and most shocking, her friend Marni banged her gay ex-boyfriend.  Pretty tragic all around.

Janet Jackson gets HIV from her down low husband and reveals that she knows her husband is gay when she throws her blood test result at the overly muscular man (a favorite of Perry) and says “And take your HIV with you!”

Slight edge to Janet. Ms. Jackson if you’re HIV positive.

Shy Sidekick Has Awkward Sex

David Mamet’s daughter, Eyebrows, loses her virginity at 21 and is dating a guy who turns out to be struggling with life and living out of his car, which is literally between the Holocaust and a nuclear-armed Iran in the fears of Jewish parents.

Yasmine, a dance instructor in FCG, starts dating a seemingly nice gentleman who rapes her on their first date.

Rape is bad, but is it really as sad as a Jewish chick dating an unemployed guy? Edge – Eyebrows

Family Problems For A Supporting Character

The British chick on Girls ends up embarrassing her husband (they got married after a few bad dates as a misplaced plot point) at a dinner in front of her in-laws.  They end up separating after 19 hours of marriage.

Crystal, one of the characters in FCG watches her two children get thrown out of a window to their deaths by her baby daddy.

Had it only be one child, Brit might take this one, but two kids definitely gives the edge to Crystal.

Working a Bad Job

Marni, the attractive one on Girls (though Brit’s rack turned out to be a surprise highlight of the last episode), is really having it rough, from letting a diminutive artist go raw inside of her to having to work as a hostess at a club where men treat her like an attractive hostess at a club.

Thandie Newton’s character in FCG is a sex addict with a past of sex abuse (or possibly just a super-empowered woman) to the point that dudes assume she is a prostitute.

Anytime you let a guy who wears fedoras, or at least seems like a guy who would wear a fedora, bang you – you lose.  Edge – Marni

So after taking in both of these artists, it is clear that Tyer Perry and Lena Dunham need to get together and, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, have a kid together.  They operate on the extremes of Hollywood.  On writes for black Church folk (a group that goes “Ummmm HMMM!” to signify that Perry has validated their beliefs) and the other writes for narcissistic white women (a group that goes “That is so us!” without realizing that just makes them unlikeable tools as well).  And both have ways of capturing the lives of their characters in opposite ways.  For Colored Girls shows that every character has an apocalyptic level event happen to them and can still carry on, while Girls shows that every problem, no matter how small becomes a time for self-discovery and personal enrichment.  It is like these people are from different planets (possibly Mars and Venus).  So let’s get these two crazy kids together and let them have a kid (its celebrity name could be some mix of Dunham and Perry – Dairy!).  So maybe one of you solves a series of tragedies with an empowering group hug and prayer while the other solves a marriage ending after 4 meals with a witty bathtub encounter.  But I still think you can find common ground.  The silver lining to these Hollywood clouds getting together is maybe, just maybe,  if their child is exposed to the horrific writing and tragedies in Perry’s mind with the witty drivel from Dunham’s, he or she might see the world as it actually is (and write an angry blog about it).

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic or iTunes.