I am proud to announce that Comedy Central has agreed to produce my next album! It is a really tremendous honor and finally a sign that I have arrived in the comedy world! I’m just kidding – those people are unaware of my existence. Or if they are they hate me. And if that is the case I say bring it. You and Mumford and Sons! OK, now that I have that off my B-cup, man-titted chest I can share with you the actual announcement. I am recording my new album in NYC on April 25th at The Stand (tentative agreement, assuming they don’t book anyone more famous that night, like a Hudson News clerk from Grand Central Station). I have asked them to raise the ceiling 3.5 inches so that I can stand upright, but this may have to be the first album I record sitting down. This will be my Extreme album. Not because I go places no other comedian has gone, but because I will be sitting like Gary Cherone and that other dude in Extreme in the More Than Words Video. But no instruments:
Once the details are all worked out I will let you know when you can buy tickets. For a quick history of my albums:
Racial Chameleon – 2006. An ambitious effort from a happy and relatively humble person. Lots of impressions and light-hearted stories. Well received by friends and a few fans and still gets radio play on Sirius XM.
Diamond Maker – 2008 – If Racial Chameleon is my Ace Ventura, then Diamond Maker is The Cable Guy – a darker, much better effort that did not garner the same affection from people. Still proud of the fact that I turned a failed engagement into a really strong final 30 minutes of the album.
Too Big To Fail – 2012 – In keeping with the Jim Carrey analogy, this album was my Dumb and Dumber/Truman Show/Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – best thing I have done. This album was offered for free and was downloaded over 1000 times (bought a couple hundred – thanks Mom) and gained me almost 10 new fans. So do the math; if my new album is to get me to my goal of 1 million fans, then I will only have to sell 100,000,000 copies.
So I hope you will mark your calendar as seats will be limited. I would like friends and fans there and here are my guidelines and enticements to come to the show:
- Married couples – get a babysitter for the night
- Married friends/fans with a spouse and you cannot get a babysitter – force your spouse to stay with the kid(s) for an evening
- Unmarried friends – consider this a test of friendship
- Fans – if you are in the tri-state area get tickets. They won’t be expensive ($10-20)
- Fans – if you are out of the tri-state area – half off ticket price if you spend $100 or more on travel, free if you spend $400 or more to come to the show, but then you scare me and please do not say hi after the show.
- People who know me from Facebook, Twitter, Internet or my backyard MMA fights – you won’t regret coming to the show. But why do we know each other on social media?
Well, that is the big announcement. I know this will be my best album by far and hope you can make it and start to make plans. Also it is the day after my birthday so there’s another guilt trip. And in keeping with the Jim Carrey analogy I guess this will be my Mr. Popper’s Penguins. Sh*t.