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Bye Bye Birmingham

Last night was the final show in Birmingham.  I was very happy with my set and was hopeful that I would sell the five CDs I would need to cover overnight shipping of the CDs to Birmingham because I left them at home, unaware that Stardome customers tend to buy merchandise after shows.  However, the nation’s second worst economy after Detroit and not headlining were two factors working against me.  I sold zero so had a net loss of $50 on the CDs.  Must remember my CDs next time so my comedy career does not become a Ponzi scheme where I am the only victim.

For a good show you want everyone to laugh and have a good time – like a 2008 Obama rally.  However, I am thinking that to sell merchandise it helps to be be more 1996 Clinton or 2004 George Bush – anger some people so that the people who really like you in the crowd will rally to you even stronger, in the form of CD/DVD purchases in my case.

I will miss you Birmingham, but we will always have di-k in the ass jokes.
I will miss you Birmingham, but we will always have di-k in the ass jokes.

Overall I had a really good time in Alabama.  Thanks to everyone at the Stardome, Matt Mitchell, Tim Pulnik, Reno Collier and the comedy fans of Birmingham.  Also thanks to the people on the highway who did not hit me with their cars as I sprinted across the highway a few times a day to do kill time at Chipotle and the Galleria. 

Next stops – Denver, Boston and San Francisco.

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Birmingham Part II

Sequels are often worse than the original, even if excellent (soshut up Godfather II fans).  Last night at the Stardome was no different.  The difficulty is that for Tuesday and Wednesday shows the club sends out like of promotional invites for things like birthdays so that crowds are there for free comedy, not necessarily because they are devotees of the particular comedian(s).  On Tuesday it did not matter – it was a rock solid crowd that laughed their asses off.

Last night it was a tougher crowd – I kept making segments of the crowd laugh at different things, but only a few times felt like I had the whole crowd.  Some lessons I learned that may be helpful for comedians:

  1. Good anal sex jokes are universally funny in the South, even for a tougher crowd.
  2. If you are a tall, relatively fit comic do not put jokes about obesity close to the front of your set.  It will make the audience that fries their oreos, snickers bars, salads, etc. not like you as much.  The joke that really lost them was when I said: “Big and Tall Stores treat tall and fat like one big group of circus freaks.  The store had jeans with 30 inch inseam and 56 inch waists?  The only thing that should come in that size for humans is a casket because you are not long for this Earth with those dimensions.”  Not appreciated.
  3. In a room of 400+ people, you need a lot of people laughing.  50 people dying of laughter on one joke may seem good, but when 350 people are just smiling or frowning it sounds like silence.

So I would rate the overall feel for myself a C+.  The three comics (myself, headliner Tim Pulnik and emcee Matt Mitchell) then headed to Hooters after.  I continued to amaze them by not drinking, but having a piece of chocolate cake (I have decided my rap name would be German Chocolate), which Hooters should really be publicizing over their wings.  We were then treated to a story by our waitress about the time a fellow waitress attacked her in the bathroom and beat the sh*t out of her because she slept with her man.  I just got up in my chair and started shouting “JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!”

Tonight I open for Reno Collier, who, among other things, has been the national opener for Larry The Cable Guy.  The good news is that means the crowds will almost definitely be consistent in their tastes.  The bad news is I may have to wear a flannel shirt with no sleeves.

And tonight begins my need to sell at least 15 CDs by Sunday night.  Seriously it will be funny/tragic if I don’t.