Dominican Woman… Stay away from me!

This weekend I attended a wedding with my girlfriend in the Dominican Republic.   We soaked up the Sun and all the Dominican culture that can be absorbed in the confines of an all-inclusive, gated-off resort community, which is significantly less than a ride on the A train.  The wedding and the weekend were all relatively normal.  I ate too much, got a good tan and did not get in trouble looking for Dominican eye candy (sorry DR, but Puerto Rican ladies are the undisputed champs of Bronx-dominating Latinas).

The only real notable highlight came at the Punta Cana airport this morning when going through security (which made me feel about as safe as having the Shoe Bomber fit me for sneakers at Foot Locker) I witnessed something so hysterical and awful that I titled this blog after it.

Two women, presumably a Latin mother-daughter combo, were trying to check-in for their flight, but had not obeyed all security protocols (it appeared they had not declared or checked certain items purchased in the Dominican Republic).  As two airport security (the Dominican equivalent of TSA) discussed this with them the women responded with dismissive Spanish.  However, the security did not let up, because they rudely wanted these women to obey guidelines, which then prompted the younger woman to speak English and say (get ready for a stereotype on steroids):

“Ok, you need to get out of my face because you are starting to fu*king piss me off.”

She then threw her suitcase to the ground and said:

“Do what you got to do.”

I was amazed.  Can you just do that?  Can you curse and threaten airport security as long as there is a stereotype that says you are crazy and passionate?  I was hoping to see them get tased.  Or at least physically assaulted.   I had alwaysthought Rosie Perez’ performance in White Men Can’t Jump was an embarrassing Latina Steppin’ Fetchit, but now it turns out that she could have made it much more extreme.

I cannot do this experience justice, but this was the funniest thing I saw on my travels so I thought Id relay it to you loyal 13 readers.  Better stuff to come soon.

In other news – while I was away a former classmate of mine from Riverdale (and Facebook friend) was arrested on charges that he murdered his father.  Deleting friend dilemma – street cred for my Facebook page, or murderer free friend list? Choices, choices…

And lastly – my predicted finish in Last Comic Standing by the way:

1) Tommy Johnigan

2) Roy Wood Jr.

3) Mike Destefano (My Mom’s choice)

4) Myq Kaplan

5) Felipe Esparza (the only one I am sure of, unless America is even dumber than I think)