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The Gripes of the Week

If you have a blog entitled Righteous Prick, there should be some complaints.  So here are a few of the things this week that brought me closer to an aneurysm:

The Fake Outrage Section

A story that was being circulated on social media about an 18 year old Florida woman who was sleeping with her 14 year old basketball teammate.  The 18 year old has been arrested and been charged with a variety of felony offenses and this of course has been deemed an attack on same sex couples.  However, the laws are gender neutral.  This would not have made many news outlets if it had been an 18 year old man and a 14 year old girl.  I am never one to claim that groups are seeking special rights when they are seeking basic and fundamental rights.  And if you want to claim that statutory rape laws need to be changed then that is a different conversation.  But an 18 year old being sexually active with a 14 year old could justifiably be a great concern to the parents to the younger woman, could it not?  Without it being some act of heinous prejudice?  In fact, not doing anything when the law is clearly stated and gender neutral would be discriminatory against same sex couples in the same predicament, would it not?  If you believe the laws of our society are too puritanical that is one argument, but to claim that this is some vile act of hate against same-sex couples seems stupid to me.  Even if the parents of the 14 year old have bigoted reasons for their concern the prosecutors should not take that into account if laws have been broken.  But keep waging your war on Facebook against everything that seems wrong from quickly read headlines.  After all, the Times reported that the 18 year old has received substantial on-line support.  Because that is what the Sixth Amendment guaranteed – Trial by Positive Tweets.  I am not saying i think she should go to jail. I am saying that many of you are stupid.

In anticipated fake outrage in the comedy world, apparently Jerry Lewis was asked who his favorite female comedians were and the 87 year old, who already said over a decade ago he did not find women funny, shockingly replied that he did not have any favorites (with some other antiquated notions of femininity)!  Now first off the very question is sort of baiting the response it got.  And without bashing Jerry Lewis, because I have no opinion one way or the other about the man, he raised a lot of money for children, entertained a lot of people and doesn’t think women are funny.  Is this a crime?  Do we really even care what he thinks?  Is he Jerry Sandusky or Jerry Lewis.  Lighten up.

Disappointing Movie Section

I was at the world premiere in NYC of Now You See Me, a movie about bank robbing magicians.  The movie was a star studded affair and full of women who looked like they were hoping to get pregnant by a Hollywood star that night (“that’s right ladies, 252,000 hits and counting… where are you going???”).  It stars Jessie Eisenberg, who is basically Michael Cera if Michael Cera became unbelievably arrogant after getting laid once.  Woody Harrelson gives the best performance in the movie and there are some very good scenes.  It started really well, evoking a sort of youth-infused Oceans 11, but then it became a mess and completely unbelievable to the point that the twist was obvious because it was the only trick the movie had left to play.  But most disappointing  was the fact that I walked right by Michael Caine outside and he did not recognize me.

The New York City Is Going to Get More Dangerous Section

There are a few worries of New Yorkers that are not as present in other cities.  One is a constant possibility of terrorism.  Slightly worse than that are the hundreds of thousands of women who text without looking where they are walking (men do it to, but it is like a 73%/27% split according to my unofficial statistical work).  But these two awful things are being joined by a third holy terror – city provided bikes.  The most arrogant and reckless people in New York City, after 24 year old drunk white girls, are people who ride bikes around the city.  Bike riders in the city are the reason you must look both ways when crossing a one way street because they do not obey traffic laws or directions.  And Mayor Bloomberg has given the city to them (for the record I love Bloomberg’s nanny state stuff because people are stupid, fat and unhealthy, but this is too far).  Lots of bike lanes showed up last year and now bike rentals arrive this weekend.  So say goodbye to your safety NYC – the bikers are about to take over the city.

Annoying Personal Projects

Just kidding, this week I dropped all sorts of hot sh*t on the Internet.  First was Alt Wolf, my new video which is around 1,000 views after 24 hours (just 88,000 of the pace of the Louis CK video, but slightly ahead of my average pre-Louis CK video pace):

But it has only generated a couple of negative comments.  Let’s get those up people!

Then there was this week’s Righteous Prick podcast (#72) which got a nice amount of listens.  Hear me debate and discuss the greats of Saturday Night Live here! Oh, if there is a gripe it is that I have been averaging close to 200 per show for the run, but I only have 37 followers.  Let’s get that to 50!  Seriously stop being di*ks and cu*ts and become followers.  The sh*t is free and funny.

And lastly, before you go waste your money on The Hangover 3, which it will be a profound waste of money, check out the review of the best movie of the Summer so far right here – Star Trek: Into Darkness (and then subscribe if you like movies):

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The Good, The Bad and the Mo’Nique of the…

The Golden Globe Nominations (voted by the Hollywood Foreign Press) were announced today, which displayed some good judgment in parts and in others displayed why Jerry Lewis and David Hasselhoff were such international superstars.  As a movie addict who has seen or will see all or nearly all of the films nominated (I’m already close) here’s my recap of the good and bad of today’s nominations.  Contrary to my usual I will start with the good:

The Good

1) Meryl Streep is a beast.  2 more nominations bringing her total up to 1,895 career nominations.  She proves that in Hollywood if you are talented, dignified and your name is Meryl Streep you will not be forgotten as an actress after 38 years old.

2) Matt Damon getting nominated for Best Comedy Actor in The Informant.  He was incredibly funny in this movie without being a goofy caricature.  Between the Bourne series, The Informant, The Departed and his cameo on Entourage he has completely erased my annoyance with him from the late 90s as a Masshole in Good Will Hunting (great movie, but I blame the Red Sox and Williams college for my aversion to that accent).

3) Woody Harrelson for best supporting actor.  He was a beast in The Messenger.  But he should lose to Christopher Waltz from Inglorious Basterds.  That dude’s performance was the Heath Ledger of 2009.  Minus the Olsen twins fu-king and overdose.

4) Jeff Bridges nominated for best actor in a drama.  I have not seen Crazy Heart yet, but it looks like The Wrestler, but instead of wrestling, he plays country music.  Sort of like in 30 years when I star in a movie called The Comedian.  Jeff Bridges is a really underrated and versatile actor and although I think he will finally win for playing some racist grandfather when he is 80 years old (think “Driving Mr. Daisy”) it is nice to see him nominated.

5) 500 Days of Summer and Up In The Air getting lots of nominations.  2 of my top 10 movies of the year.  The best Clooney movie ever (finally all the love struck geeks in Hollywood have a legit reason to praise him instead of “loving” his dramatic (boring) movies of the last few years – Good Night and Good Luck, Syriana, Michael Clayton – all good, all overrated).  500 days of Summer is the best romantic comedy/drama I’ve seen.

6) Animated movies.  Really strong category.  2 of my top ten of the year are in this category – Up and Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

Really really great stuff in the animated category – and how long til a porn spoof title: Slutty with a Chance of Tiger’s Balls?

The Bad

1) Eastbound and Down shutout.  I shouldn’t be surprised that the foreign press didn’t nominate it if the American Emmys didn’t, but to see shows like Entourage and Glee (that show has been on a steady decline – with the exceptions of Matthew Morrison and Jane Lynch – from the first episode.  However it has found it’s niche market – gays and girls – sort of like Britney Spears, so it plays to them, but to an annoyingly goofy level that its first few episodes did not have).

2) Two nominations for Sandra Bullock is  two too many.   One for The Proposal – one of the worst films of the year and one for the Blind Side where she combines two of Hollywood’s favorite shallow things – Julia Roberts (an impression of her from Erin Brockovitch) and the benevolence of whites helping blacks be their best.  Admittedly I did not see this movie, but that is because I could not stop puking during the preview.

3) The Messenger is not nominated for best picture.  I thought it was the better of the two war dramas (The Hurt Locker was very good, but I thought the Messenger was better).  Brothers is melodramatic and simple and uses musical score the way one would if they were walking a child through what emotions should be felt during different situations.  Not in the discussion.  But Tobey McGuire’s over-the-top bug eyed performance got an undeserved nomination (speaking of which, why didn’t Bill Paxton get nominated for his hilariously paranoid performance in Aliens back in 1986?)

4) Hung.  Thomas Jane got nominated for best actor in a comedy, making it the first time anyone could consider Hung a comedy.  This was the most disappointing show of 2009 and generated approximately .4 laughs per episode.

5) No nomination for Paul Rudd.  Since the Golden Globes have a specific category for musical/comedy it is extra disappointing that his hilarious, seemingly effortless and incredibly realistic performance in I Love You Man was not recognized.

The Ugly

1) Mo’nique – I don’t like her very much and I can see her being a real diva (just look at the unnecessary apostrophe in her name for starters) once she wins an Oscar, but her performance in Precious on a scale of 1-10 was a 12, to quote one of Tiger Woods’ skanks.

2) Television Actress Nominee Anna Paquin – she’s just not that pretty and I want you to know that I know that.  For God’s sake when Michael Strahan watches True Blood and even he goes, “Damn she needs to fix those teeth.”