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The Blueprint 46: How To Ruin Careers of Athletes;…
Fresh off winning MVP in the World Baseball Classic, Robinson Cano has made a blockbuster move changing management from Scott Boras, baseball’s super agent, to Roc Nation, an entertainment agency affiliated with rapper Jay Z, that is getting into sports management. The immediate concern here is that the last high profile rapper to enter the sports management game was Master P, who got Ricky Williams to sign a horrible contract with the New Orleans Saints. That contract was almost entirely incentive based, which was quite fair, and also quite stupid when no one else in the league was as bound to incentives as Williams. Williams then went on to become a weird, marijuana loving dude who occasionally played football at a high (and proficient) level.
But rest assured, Jay Z is no Master P. Master P was actually a decent basketball player. Besides Jay Z claims that he made the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee, which apparently impressed Cano enough to make a horrible business decision, much to the chagrin of Derek Jeter, who believed he had made the Yankee hat more famous than Jay Z. Typically an agent’s job is to make you more famous in your field, not to claim that he is bigger than you in your chosen field, but that is why Jay Z is great and surely about to change the game!
Jay Z has announced that he intends to become a certified agent, while Cano is now officially certifiable.
Cano has said, in the last year of his contract with the Yankees and surely heading towards a big payday as one of baseball’s superstars, that he wants to take a more active role in his endeavors on and off the field. This should be music to the ears of all 30 major league baseball teams. What would you rather do – sign an athlete going into a huge contract who is singularly focused on his craft, or a guy who is looking to open up all off the field endeavors? Like Dwight Howard, but with a less marketable smile, smaller shoulders and a thick Dominican accent! This movie roles and championship rings are practically writing and minting themselves!
As a former lawyer, former athlete and current entertainer to dozens of people nationwide, I have put my skill set to work and come up with the list of career choices and opportunities that Agent Z will most likely be developing for client Cano. Enjoy:
- Cano will be encouraged to sign with the Brooklyn Dodgers. After all, if Jackie Robinson listened to Jay Z, according to all the commercials for 42, then why woudln’t Jay Z send his first big client back to Brooklyn!
- Cano will record a new Salsa album on Jay Z’s new Latin label Yay-Z records. It will go plantain.
- After Deron Williams suffers a knee injury, Jay Z will encourage Cano and the Brooklyn Nets to a agree to a 3 year, $10 million dollar deal to play point guard.
- Jay Z will secure a 50% discount off of all merchandise at the Barclays Center Fan Store for Cano
- In Cano’s contract he will have exclusive naming rights for Beyonce’s second child.
- Cano will re-sign with the Yankees only if Jay Z’s Empire State of Mind replaces New York, New York. That is if Brooklyn does not sign him first.
- Cano’s contract will stipulate that Cano will never be brought up to any Nas’ songs, nor will Nas ever be played at Yankee Stadium.
- Stipulated in Cano’s new contract is that all Yankee hats must be worn slightly to the side and must, at all times, have a New Era sticker on the brim.
- Jay Z will receive a modest 45% of all of Cano’s earnings.
- Cano will be featured on Jay Z’s new album cover called The Blueprint 46: How To Ruin Athletes.
Cano can be expected to have career lows in batting average, RBI and focus starting in 2014. At which point he will start negotiating with Justin Timberlake’s new management company.
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