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A Weekend of 2 Pioneers – Jackie Robinson &…

I am writing this from aboard Amtrak headed down to DC to host a series of shows at the DC Improv.  Friday through Sunday I will be emceeing for Sebastian Maniscalco, but more importantly I am emceeing the DC Improv’s 10th annual “Funniest College” competition, in which students from different colleges in the Maryland-DC-Virginia area will compete for various prizes and the right to have their school dubbed “DC’s funniest college.”  What you may not know is that I was named the winner on behalf of Georgetown in the very first year of this competition in 2004.  Much like when a championship team arrives for an anniversary celebration at an arena (e.g. the 1973 Knicks were at Madison Square Garden recently commemorating the 40th anniversary of the Knicks’ last title and their status as professional sports’ most overrated franchise), I will return to the DC Improv to inspire a series of students that they too can have a career of ups and downs over the next decade that will lead them right back to the starting point of their careers.   But what makes me a pioneer, worthy of sharing a headline with Jackie Robinson on the weekend that the much hyped biopic about him is released?  It is because I won, despite not being a college student.

I was a law student when the competition was announced, but much like a giant racial and body weight combination of Branch Rickey and Jackie Robinson I decided to not take no for an answer (actually I was approved almost immediately under a broad “student attending a college/university” interpretation of the rules).  And much like Robinson I faced adversity – enduring the heckling, the jeering, the lack of laughter for many of the other comedians was very emotionally taxing, but I went out, dominated and won, just a year into my comedy career, which was about a 11 month, two week advantage over most of the other contestants.  The title was covered for the Georgetown Law newspaper and still remains the first and last time I accomplished anything that made Georgetown/Georgetown Law proud.

So tonight I will be in DC performing for adoring fans and then much like Robinson, will be forced to stay with a local family that agreed to let me board with them (my brother and his family, including my 5 year old nephew who is still baffled by the concept, the desire and the existence of a career in stand up comedy, which I reassure him – no a career in comedy does not exist – like dry land in Waterworld it is a myth).

So if you are not around DC to watch me deliver historic comedy then feel free to watch this week’s review of 42 (up a day early).  It is a fairly bad movie so I advise you to just watch the 7 minute review, which highlights the 42 horrible issues with the film, because it will give you a lot more enjoyment than the actual film, unless you are 11 years old, serving consecutive life sentences in prison or severely stupid.

For more opinions, comedy and bridge burning check out the Righteous Prick Podcast on Podomatic or iTunes

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Movie of the Week: Cowboys & Aliens

My real movie of the week is The Devil’s Double, but unfortunately I promised the gf I would wait to see what critics are calling the “Scarface of Arabia” so instead the review of the week is for Cowboys and Aliens.

 

The movie is solid, but by no means spectacular.  Here’s the breakdown:

THE GOOD

Daniel Craig is nearly perfect in the movie.  His few fights are well executed.  His few moments of humor are perfect and not cheesy.  And he seems to have the gravity to convey a cowboy, despite being in a sci-fi movie.

The action scenes are pretty well done and I will not specify how it ends, but at least it does not do that shameful “NOW WE HAVE TO HAVE A SEQUEL!!!!” moment.  Now if the movie is successful I am sure there will be a sequel and that is OK, but at least the movie does not conclude in a pandering and obvious way.

The supporting cast is largely solid, headlined by the alluring eyes of Olivia Wilde.

THE BAD

Harrison Ford.  He has officially announced his candidacy for the “Robert DeNiro – My Legacy Be Damned I need a Paycheck” club.  Watching Harrison Ford in this movie gave me the same feeling I had watching Karl Malone play his final season for the Los Angeles Lakers.  My thought in both cases was “You have earned the right to do this, but I still do not know why you did.”  Harrison Ford has one note in this movie – crusty old man.  It is as if he took the line from The Fugitive at the police station where he yells “You find this man!  You find this man!  He had… a mechanical arm!” and just delivered every line with the same grit.

From the middle of the movie on I felt like Favreau and the team that wrote the movie were veering into Michael Bay territory of cheesy jokes and excessive amounts of knowing smirks.  Be on the lookout for Favreau (after the quality of Swingers and Iron Man 1) to turn into the next Michael Bay.  Hopefully he does not, but I am sure with the money Bay’s crap makes it is tempting.

This movie does something that a lot of sports and action movies do.  In the beginning of the climactic battle between (spoiler) the cowboys and aliens the aliens are kicking the cowboys’ (and Indians) asses.  Then a character dies, which get the cowboys and Indians pumped up (as if the fate of the world and their own lives was not sufficient motivation to give it their all) and then, without any additional weaponry or manpower they start to turn the tide.  I hate that sh*t.  That is only the beginning portion of a pretty good conclusion of the film, so do not feel cheated by that description.

The Indians – why are Native Americans always extremely noble or extreme fu*k ups?  Just once I would like to see (even if not true) a group of apathetic Indians who just want to be left alone in a movie, rather than either fighting for the spirit warriors of the past or drunk in a gutter somewhere.

THE UGLY

This portion is dedicated to the black gentleman sitting behind me in the theater.  He represented his stereotype well, not allowing a single moment, whether funny, action-packed, tense or boring to go by without his inner monologue being expressed outwardly.  By my comment count here is the breakdown:

Oh wow’s – 19

Oh sh*t!s – 11

Ooooooo’s – 33

Miscellaneous – 114

And my personal favorite – “Use that knife to stab that nigga!”  And by “nigga” he meant alien.

Final Grade – B/B-

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Orlando Magic

Just got back from Orlando (wedding and a trip to Universal Studios).  A few things I learned and confirmed this weekend.

JetBlue is a fantastic airline.  The leg room, unlimited snacks and television are all great.  The old European bitch sitting near me with her poodle was the only drawback.  She got into it with a flight attendant about placing the dog underneath the seat (it was a small one), to which she proclaimed, “I travel to Europe all the time with the dog,” as if the flight attendant was supposed to reply, “Oh, you travel often… and to EUROPE, welllllll I did not know – excuse me and my provincial sensibilities.”  People should not be able to bring dogs onto an airplane unless they are blind.   At one point, as the dog started whimpering I almost shouted, “Somebody get these motherfu-kin’ dogs off my motherfu-kin’ plane.”

Caricature drawings are interesting experiences.  I had one drawn of me at Universal Studios.  As people walk by you know they are judging.  They are saying one of two things:

  1. Damn!  – that dude is fu-ked up looking and she is drawing all of it or
  2. That artist sucks and that dude sitting right there is getting ripped off.

Fortunately I think it came out well (resembling me, but funnier looking).  However, it is the first time I feel like instead of Obama-Adam Sandler my combo has come out to look like Billy Zane mixed with Milton Berle.  Enjoy:

Billy Zane's skull, Milton Berle's mouth and Jay Leno's chin
Billy Zane’s skull, Milton Berle’s mouth and Jay Leno’s chin

So this week has a lot of promise.  Tonight is my first trip to Yankee stadium and the season finale of 24 (can it possibly suck any more?), Tuesday more Laker basketball to hate and The American Idol finals to enjoy (Lambert has been the star all season and must win) and then Thursday is Terminator Salvation.  Stay tuned. Or stay whatever it is when you read stuff.