Spider Man – Broadway Style

Last night I saw a preview performance of Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark – the $65 million dollar musical that from all reports seems destined to join Cutthroat Island, Rupert Murdoch’s purchase of MySpace and the money I have asked my friends to invest in bringer shows over the last 8 years as one of the biggest financial flops of all time.  There are many reasons why it may flop:

1. Bad publicity – the delays, the high cost, the early accidents are all spelling doom.
2. The nerds – the so-called purists (a/k/a comic book reading freaks who would be virgins, but for the hormones of ugly girls) who will not see this because Spider Man does not belong on Broadway (really – an awkward teen with a muscular physique who likes wearing tights does not belong on Broadway?).
3. Judgmental theatergoers who do not believe Spider Man is worthy of Broadway (really – an awkward teen with a muscular physique who likes wearing tights does not belong on Broadway?)

Well, there is a big reason why it can succeed – the first half of the play is fantastic (or fabulous/fierce in Broadway speak).  Here is my breakdown of last night’s Broadway event.

So I arrived with my girlfriend for the preview performance (regular engagement tickets will be $140 which J-L the unhappy lawyer could afford, but J-L the unhappy comedian cannot) we were greeted to a speech before the show.   It was explained to us beforehand by one of the show’s producers that because of the scope of the play, previews could not be done in Europe to prep the play because there are no stages that can handle the show besides the Foxwoods Theater in NYC.  That is why there have been errors and delays that normally would not occur in New York.  This reminded me of my flight to Chicago a couple of weeks ago where the JetBlue pilot actually gave us the “this flight is going to suck badly” speech before one of the bumpiest flights of my life.  But I survived that flight and I assumed that unless Spider Man or the Green Goblin fell on me from 40 feet above me I would survive the show as well.

The first act was terrific – amazing, injury/mistake free stunts, terrific sets (seriously the best I have ever seen) and mostly good songs  (written by Bono and The Edge of U2).  So despite being crammed into a seat next to an unusually aggressive old man who wanted to fight me for an arm rest, me and the lady were really enjoying the show. If the musical had stopped then (which given the plot of the show, it actually could have) I would guarantee good reviews and huge success.  Then the second half occurred.

The second half is pretty boring, full of so-so solos, about a tenth of the stunts and excitement of the first act, and a plot that had it been a season finale of a television show or an M. Night Shayamalan film, Twitter would be going crazy with comments like “cop-out!”,  “Bullsh*it!”, etc.  Now the problem for the show is that they are obviously going to want to attract families in big numbers, but if me and my girlfriend were bored and physically uncomfortable in the second act, how is some 8 year old obese turd with ADD going to sit patiently while some Spider Lady moans on about some ancient curse?

So overall I would grade the play a B+.  An A for the first act and a C- for the second act (but the first act weighted more because it is longer and the set work is outstanding throughout).  But for anyone who is worried about whether Spider Man: Turn Off The Dark is true to the spirit and culture of Broadway, rest assured – this photo was taken backstage: