There are bad ideas and then there is what happened this past Friday night. It was the first night of my law school reunion at Georgetown. For the few days preceding the reunion I was told that some people thought it would be a good idea for me to perform some stand up at The Dubliner, which was the bar where the Class of 2004 happy hour/binge drinking incident was to take place. I was extremely reluctant to do this, but when you do comedy it is a thin line between politely refusing twice and saying “NO FU-KING WAY” when you are asked a third or fourth time. So I agreed and at 9:50 pm Eastern Daylight Time on October 16, 2009 I got on a makeshift stage and began what should now be known as the case of Cauvin & Random Comedy Fan v. South American & Eurotrash Douchebags.
9:51 I look around and see about 70 law students watching in the back waiting for me to tell jokes. I also see 15 people speaking incessantly in the front. I think, ‘maybe I’ll make this quick because these people may not want to be at some impromptu comedy show for Georgetown Law Alums at a random bar.’ I also think, ‘yep, this was a terrible idea.’
9:53 Too much talking up front (including soccer chants). I say, “Hey, give me 5 minutes and I will make you laugh a little then I’ll get off the stage.” I figured being understanding to some of the patrons who did not want to be there for law school reunion/annoying jokes would appreciate it. Instead 5 o’clock shadow South American douche yells out, “Do you want to bet? You will not make me laugh.” Oh crap.
9:57 Right to the Obama impression. Law students laughing in the back, but not enough to drown out foreigners in front. Even Obama bombs with these people.
10:01 pm – after various strange comments and people getting on stage I hop off the stage after enduring a “show” that should have never been. Then began the fun stuff.
Random Guy (RG) – Man that was great – don’t listen to these as-holes – that Obama impression is sick
Me – Thanks, this is definitely not the venue for comedy.
5 O’clock Shadow South American Douche (SSAD) – Why do you do this?
Me – First of all, you’re a dick. Secondly, this is not the place for comedy.
SSAD – But why would you take a microphone if you cannot do comedy?
Me – I don’t know if there is a language problem or if you don’t realize that you are a condescending prick, but my comedy is fine. What do you do for a living?
SSAD – I do many things.
Me – Ok besides being a dick and not shaving regularly what do you do?
SSAD – I am in business.
Me – Well wouldn’t your job be rather difficult if I came in shouting at you during the entire meeting?
SSAD – But I would never do business if I could not. You are not good at comedy.
RG – This dude is funny and you are a fu-king rude piece of sh*t.
At that point this complete stranger who appreciated my comedy actually got into about a 6 on 1 confrontation with a contingent of South American and Eurotrash dudes (and a chick) defending my comedy. I had to step in to prevent it from becoming a fight. So I guess just when I thought Georgetown Law had struck again and actually infected my stand up (previously immune to all the awfulness of law and law school/center-ness) with a terrible experience I was able to spark a near fight for someone willing to fight for and against my comedy. And as it turns out the Eurotrash South American contingent were actually LLM (sort of like a Masters in Law – you know for people who have given up on giving up, as opposed to law students who have just given up on dreams and hopes and originality) alums of Georgetown so they just plain sucked.
But it was a pretty nice trip otherwise to the Law Center. Got to see Chief Justice John Roberts give a talk during the alumni gala dinner. I was very tempted to pull a Kanye-Taylor Swift on him (perhaps, “Earl Warren was one of the best chief justices of all time!”), but since C-Span was not covering it I figured a di-khead move without television coverage is just a di-khead move. So law center reunion was overall good, but would shortly be overshadowed by a series of ugly incidents at Sunday’s Pittsburgh Steelers game that I attended with my brother. To be continued tomorrow…