America’s Next Top Motherfuc*ing Model

I guess women shorter than 5’7″ shouldn’t model.

Mayhem broke out yesterday at an open call audition for the CW’s show “America’s Next Top Model.”  For those of you that don’t know, the show airs on the CW, the LaToya Jackson of the networks.  There was an unusually high turnout for the show because, according to producers, it was the first season only open to women 5’7″ and shorter.  The melee that ensued I guess shows what men have known and what the show’s producers have now learned – that you don’t have to be super tall, beautiful and anorexic to be a crazy bitch; they apparently come in all looks and sizes.  And what a shock that competitive women seeking an opportunity based solely on their looks would get into a fight – you’d think women of such substantive value would be able to resolve conflict peacefully.

The audition was closed after the melee broke out (numerous reports of either a gun, a fight at the front of the line, and/or a claim that a car was on fire and about to explode).  What I got a kick out of was hearing women on television and reading other quotes in the paper that “this was my lifelong dream” or “my dream is ruined.”  If the lottery is a tax on poor people, then reality shows are public assistance for stupid women.  “Your dream?”  It is a reality show.  These things have only been around for a decade so what did you dream of before then, a spot on Cops? 

And does anyone realize that 99% of these lineups are just for short clips on the show to show how many people showed up?  If this show is anything like Last Comic Sanding or American Idol, the people with a chance at the finals are in the hundreds, not the tens of thousands that show up.  In two years in NYC, one comic got to the NY finals of Last Comic Standing without a pre-booked audition.  People who had auditions in some cases were actually asked to get on line before or after their pre-booked audition to look like they waited on line.

And the worst part of the ATM story is that the women I saw on television talking about their dream being ruined never had a chance.  One homely woman named Shiquita (like the banana, but misspelled I assume) was crying that she had come from Richmond and had almost made it in when the auditions were closed.   Perhaps it is time for Shiquita and these women to wake up from their dream, the one that they are living in where they are beautiful women, inside or out.