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Rocky Mountain High

Last night completed a great set of shows at Wits End Comedy Club, just outside of Denver.  I sold a career high 13 CDs over the course of the 5 shows, so now I can finally achieve that dream of paying my cable bill this month.  But I have never had a streak of good shows on the road like these.  And I was at this club two years ago and I did well, but it is true what bookers, club owners and evaluators of comedy talent say, both the genuine ones who really do see your potential and the lying manipulative ones who just hide behind it without giving you a fair shake – there is no substitute for time and experience as a comedian.  These shows were so much better than the ones I did two years ago so it feels gratifying to have hard work pay off.

So other than seeing and feeling great improvement as a comic, here are my other highlights from my Denver trip:

  • Being offered to smoke up with an attractive young lady and her friends after a show.  Sorry young lady – you can take the comic out of the DA’s Office, but you can’t take the DA’s Office out of the comic.
  • Having a single mom come up to me after the show and tell me how funny it was hearing my jokes about dating a single mom, while her boyfriend looked on with a look that said, “I can’t use comedy as an outlet, so how do I deal with this kid? Please help me!”
  • A woman came up to me after the show and said her son;s father is black (she was white) so she found all my multiracial humor very funny.  I told her that her son could now grow up to be a comic.  She said, no his father left us.  So I said, oh so your son could be president.  She laughed.
  • Denver is absolutely beautiful and is much more conducive to walking and running than say, Birmingham, Alabama.  Colorado is known for being a pretty fit state and the fact that there are sidewalks and bike paths seemingly every where makes sense.  Contrast that with Alabama where everyone was either pretty or fat and I did not see a sidewalk in my time there.  You have to drive to cross the street there (or run across the highway like I did) whereas in Denver I was able to run 4 miles to the gym and walk almost 5 miles to a movie theater without fear of getting run over by a motor vehicle.

Looking forward to returning to NYC today, but this was a great trip.  Thanks Denver and Wits End.

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Bye Bye Birmingham

Last night was the final show in Birmingham.  I was very happy with my set and was hopeful that I would sell the five CDs I would need to cover overnight shipping of the CDs to Birmingham because I left them at home, unaware that Stardome customers tend to buy merchandise after shows.  However, the nation’s second worst economy after Detroit and not headlining were two factors working against me.  I sold zero so had a net loss of $50 on the CDs.  Must remember my CDs next time so my comedy career does not become a Ponzi scheme where I am the only victim.

For a good show you want everyone to laugh and have a good time – like a 2008 Obama rally.  However, I am thinking that to sell merchandise it helps to be be more 1996 Clinton or 2004 George Bush – anger some people so that the people who really like you in the crowd will rally to you even stronger, in the form of CD/DVD purchases in my case.

I will miss you Birmingham, but we will always have di-k in the ass jokes.
I will miss you Birmingham, but we will always have di-k in the ass jokes.

Overall I had a really good time in Alabama.  Thanks to everyone at the Stardome, Matt Mitchell, Tim Pulnik, Reno Collier and the comedy fans of Birmingham.  Also thanks to the people on the highway who did not hit me with their cars as I sprinted across the highway a few times a day to do kill time at Chipotle and the Galleria. 

Next stops – Denver, Boston and San Francisco.

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Birmingham, Part Threesome

Last night’s show felt like a breakthrough.  It was a really fun crowd and I felt sharper than the previous two nights.  And that was a good thing because I had CD/DVDs to sell, so having a strong performance I hoped would set the stage for some decent sales.  Turns out I was wrong, not to say that I could not have yielded other benefits from my strong performance/muscle t-shirt.  After the show it was clear that I genuinely had a better chance of scoring a threesome (emcee put it at better than 50/50 based on the suggestiveness) after the show than selling a CD (and posed the fleeting hypothetical to myself – if offered a threesome and you reject one and hook up with the other, do they cancel each other out in terms of relationship culpability).  Perhaps this is an odd complaint, but when one is settled and happy in their female companionship situation and looking to advance their career, CD sales are more important (somewhere a past or current member of the Williams College hockey team just involuntary shouted “FAG” and has no idea why).  Right now the hottest thing a chick could do right now is buy my CD and then e-mail me telling me it is awesome.

After the show I went out with the emcee and two of his friends, one of whom is a drummer in a band.  The guy resembles a cross between Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue (the look he was hoping for) and Adam Lambert (the look he is not going for).  We went to see another band, an 80s-90s cover band at a bar/club that just opened.   The funniest thing about the band that was playing was that their bass player was a dead ringer for Johnny Depp (he probably does not have any luck with women – except maybe for his ex-girlfriend who appeared in Playboy who was at the show), which is why his band refers to him as Depp.  The catch is that he looks exactly like Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp (the look he is going for).  I am not kidding – I am very sad that I did not have my camera to prove it.

The bar was having a special – $15 cover for free beer all night.  Another interesting thing about Birmingham, from my limited experience, is the women.  The women are either stunning to look at or stun you with their apparently considerable appreciation of food.  There seems to be very little middle ground.  Except maybe for the mildly attractive woman who had a large cursive “69” tattooed on the small of her back.

My favorite part of the evening (possibly even more so than having a strong set) was that the emcee, myself, Nikki Lambert and Captain Jack Sparrow went out to eat after the show.  Keep in mind I thought a few suggestive compliments after a show made me feel slightly rock star-ish, albeit a rock star having a hard time pushing merchandise.  One of the two rock guys’ bands opened for Candlebox and Hinder (two bands who have each had one viable hit – the comedic equivalent of saying I opened for Gallagher on the road and the bitches loved the fruit smashing!).  Here is a sample of some quotes that they offered:

“That was such a bad threesome.”

“That guy’s girl came on our bus and blew so and so.”

This quick sample indicates that even up and coming or aspiring or just decent musicians can live rock star fairy tales.  When you can rate your threesomes comparatively you are living in a different, probably clinic-filled visit world than most people I know.  I then jokingly added, “Yeah, there was this one time my girlfriend came to my show and she thought I was really good so we did it back at my apartment and then snuggled.”

Night 3 in Birmingham definitely the most interesting and fun.  But now just 3 nights left to sell at least 15 CD/DVDs.  Perhaps if I offer cuddles free of charge with every purchase I will do better.

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Letter From A Birmingham Comedy Club – Part 1

So yesterday was my first day in Birmingham, Alabama.   Big plane to Charlotte.  Tiny plane to Birmingham.  I have noticed that the little planes that I am forced to take to smaller cities are always piloted by guys who look like they just left a boy band.  My guess is that you have to be old and experienced to fly a big plane and that younger pilots get their wings (yeah pun) on the little planes.  The problem is that the little planes are much scarier.  I just envision these two bros in the cockpit high-fiving each other and talking about tag teaming chicks when they get to Birmingham while the turbulence is causing me to soil myself.

Also, even the flight attendant seems to be half-assing the small planes.  The big planes usually have two women and one gay dude, to show that they care about service and style, and they are always in uniform.  On little planes, like yesterday, the flight attendant was basically in sweats and a USAir t-shirt.

The club has a car service pick me up, which made me feel like quite the baller.  I checked into the Courtyard where I am staying which is conveniently located about an eight minute walk from the Stardome Comedy Club.  The only problem is that I have to sprint across what is basically a highway to get there.

The show last night was fantastic.  I thought I had a very good, but not great set, but was truly surprised by Birmingham comedy fans.  They laughed at anal sex, 9/11 analogies and even cheered for Obama, which I asked them not to.  Fortunately one older woman was nice enough to balance it out by saying, “he’s stupid.”  I think she was talking about Obama.  I think tonight will be great (sadly I often take one night to get used to a new room).

But the venue is amazing.  425 people in stadium-style seating – and it was packed on a Tuesday night!  The only drawback was that the most common look-alike for me (see my bio pie chart on my website) from people last night was Vin Diesel.  And many people wanted pictures with me based solely on my height.  But other than that great start to the week.

Funny future storyline here is that I will HAVE to sell at least 15 dvds/cds before I leave.  I will let you know Monday if I did it.