Where is Borat when you need him?

This weekend I traveled to Pittsburgh with my brother to see the Pittsburgh Steelers play the New Orleans Saints. Tickets and trip financed by my brother because he is what is known in the real world as a “success.”

Before we left we had to rake some leaves, but as you can see from the photos, I delegated my raking to my 22 month old nephew. I think it is good to get him working – it builds character.

We set out for Pittsburgh on Sunday morning nice and early. I was wearing my Steeler jersey and my brother wearing his. My jersey is Ben Roethlesburger, who was injured in a motorcycle crash in the pre-season and my brother was wearing his Joey Porter jersey, a player who had been shot in the butt a few years ago at a random gunfight at a Colorodo bar. We both chose the jerseys because the respective players’ stories so closely reflected our own lives.

As we made our way to Pittsburgh I found myself asking – “isn’t Pennsylvania a Blue state?” There were lots of W stickers on cars and random men walking on the side of the road with shotguns. As always happens in my ironic inner monologue, Melloncamp’s “Ain’t that America” started playing.

We stopped by a diner about an hour from the stadium, where we had a very nice (i.e. creepy) waitress who kept asking me how my food and milkshake were in the following form, “I bet you like that milkshake, don’t cha?” Other than the fact that I ordered a vanilla and you brought me a chocolate, yes. But she did bring me a vanilla as well, free of charge. I drank both and realized why America is getting so fat. And then I admired our waitress’ fang-like teeth.

We arrived at Pittsburgh at about 1 p.m. My brother decided that we should kill some time at a nearby shopping mall. There was supposed to be a shuttle bus from the mall to the stadium, but as the pictures indicate, the bus never showed up. I also enjoyed looking in an arcade at the mall and seeing various terrorist themed video games. We will fight them in an arcade so we don’t have to fight them here.

So we finally arrive at Heinz Field at about 4 pm. Football fans are a scary breed, especially Pittsburgh fans. They have such a forced devotion that is hard to imagine being 100% genuine. And there is something inherent in white trash that they all say “Y’all,” even though my instincts would tell me that that would be the exclusive province of southern white trash.

So my brother and I made it up to our seats which were in the second to last row of the stadium smooshed in between a lot of red blooded Americans. They type of guys who are half a mile away from the field, but think calling an opposing player “homo” or “piece of sh-t” from that distance is going to have an effect on the play. I wish Borat had been there to start kissing these men on the cheeks. “I like you. Do you like me?”

There are pics from my trip in the blog photo section. I think they are slightly funnier than this entry. The Steelers won so the trip was a success.

And check out my store page – new price cuts on my CD for the holidays.