Today is the oldest I’ve ever been.

So this coming weekend my Dad turns 76. Last year he turned 75 so we took him to a nice Cuban restaurant and got him presents. This year I am taking him to see Sicko and for a pancake breakfast. Sicko will be very entertaining, but health care is not an issue for my Dad because he is part of the Irish Shield Health Care System. It is very simple. You marry a woman who is hard working, younger than you and has great health insurance. Then you pile up huge bills (especially dental) because you can.

But age is weird. There are certain milestones I have seen that make me feel old. The first time a Mom says to their child, “Say excuse me to the nice man.” Man? – lady I don’t know if you noticed, but I still watch Disney movies, talk about sports and have all my hair – I’m not a man! Or even worse a “sir.” No one knighted me. But one day I know I will hit that point when my kids (if I have any) will bring a friend over who will refer to me as J-L or to my wife as Scarlett and I will tell them, a la Christopher Plummer in The Insider, “J-L. J-L? Try Mr. Cauvin and Mrs. Johansson.” But that landmark day is far far away at this point.

But this weekend I tuned in to VH-1’s countdown of videos and realized that I had not heard of over half of the artists on the countdown. It is as if the music industry has quadrupled its rate of production of mediocre one-hit wonders in the last few years. Once you get called sir and don’t know what the kids are listening to these days (and use phrases like “what these kids are listening to these days”) you are getting older.

And then I am dating an older woman so there’s the obvious pressure there… to pay bouncers in advance to card her.

The only thing short of kids that can age you though is a day job. I looked 25 before I started my job. Now I feel like my eyes resemble John Kerry’s after he learned he lost the election to W.

And then when I see a milestone like Alex Rodriguez’ 500th Home Run and realize there will be a generation of youngsters growing up now who will never know what it’s like to see a player like A-Rod – a major league baseball player not on steroids and with a full command of the English language.

But then I shouldn’t feel too old. Just yesterday I was at my parent’s building to go swimming and some old people asked me if I was still growing. Nothing like some batty old people to make you feel young and continent.