Conclusive Proof that I have no Life

Before going into my top 10 allow me to give you honorable mention to Babel, Borat and Cars, which were all cut from the Top 10. They are all worth seeing, but Cars was a step below the usual Pixar brilliance, Borat’s nude wrestling scene was too graphic and Babel was very solid, but was just beaten out by better films. So here it goes:

10) (Tie) Pan’s Labrynth and Letters from Iwo Jima. In a Lou Dobbs’ move I am putting foreign language films towards the bottom of my list.

Letters from Iwo Jima is the Clint Eastwood companion film to Flags of Our Fathers and it is much better. Perhaps because I had read the book first, I was disappointed with Flags. Letters from Iwo Jima is much more interesting, and there is no Paul Walker cameo to detract from the acting quality, unlike Flags.

Pan’s Labrynth – very cool Spanish language movie about a little girl whose stepfather is the most evil man alive and she escapes to a labrynth when she finds out that she is a Princess from another world (do not expect David Bowie to come prancing around this labrynth). Very good film. And that is saying a lot considering I saw it at 10:45 am on New Year’s Day.

9) Apocalypto – The third foreign language film on the list. Extremely visual and tense film. Mel Gibson is absolutely out of his mind, but this movie is quite good. I suggest eating a rare steak and drinking red wine before this movie. It makes the heart removals and beheadings feel more real.

8) Casino Royale – if not for a sort of dragged out confusing ending, this movie might have been higher. Great stunts and exciting pace. He’s no Pierce Brosnan in terms of looks, but apparently Daniel Craig just went on steroids for the role to make up for his lesser looks.

7) Children of Men. Exactly how I envision the future. Chaos everywhere and the only people who can save us are Clive Owen and Michael Caine. All I kept thinking was – “this must be how Iraq looks like day-to-day – I wouldn’t want freedom either.”

6) Blood Diamond – Leonardo DiCaprio is terrific in this and yes he is a pretty man. Critics kept saying the movie was too preachy. I disagree. I believe every man who is in a serious relationship should watch this movie with his woman. If she still wants a diamond after seeing the movie she’s a keeper.

5) An Inconvenient Truth – Speaking of preachy films, Al Gore proved with this film that he is the world’s greatest power point presenter. This movie is scary and important. It is important because it shows what dire shape the earth is in and it is scary because it shows how much weight Al Gore has put on since winning the 2000 election.

4) Invincible – If my Top 4 films were on Sesame Street the typical person would say – “I know which one doesn’t belong – Invincible.” Well screw you. This is my 2nd favorite sports movie of all time behind Hoosiers. It is a feel good movie, with the appropriate level of training montages and 70s rock and funk. Marky Mark and Greg Kinnear are excellent.

3) Dreamgirls – Great production. I have nothing bad to say about this film except that the top 2 were just a little bit better. Everyone is great, but I especially liked Eddie Murphy’s James Brown-esque final number. Jaime Foxx plays a villainous character which I enjoyed, not because he was so good, but because it gave people a reason to hate him, which was like payback for Miami Vice (see last blog – Worst movie of the Year)

2) The Depaaaahhhhted. Great acting (Marky Mark beats out Leo for my entertainer of the Year because Invincible ranked higher than Blood Diamond and they were both in The Departed). Great Story. Annoying Boston-speak. Rolling Stones playing throughout the movie. Prosthetic cock shot for Jack Nicholson. What is not to like? If not for the last 15 minutes – would have been number 1. Instead the Departed must settle for being the Wes Mantooth of 2006 (Anchorman reference if you don’t know).

And the number 1 film of 2006…

1) United 93. Flawless movie and proves something that George Bush has been using for 5 years – if you evoke 9/11 you can’t go wrong. I can’t wait for the sequel.