Having conquered comedy I have decided acting is the next frontier.

Last night was the first night of an acting class that I am taking. The logic was simple: I have conquered stand up, now it’s time to take over the television and film media.

Or that I need to expand my versatility to include any possible way of getting entertainment work. If the pay rate of Ferguson was a constant and I had 40 hours of that work a week I would be richer than A-Rod. Instead I make about the same as the allowance A-Rod’s gives his 2 year old daughter.

So I decided to start learning the “craft” of acting. I was not sure what to wear to an acting class so I wore black slacks, a black turtleneck and a smarmy look.

When I got there I realized that I was the only dude there. The rest were females of varying degrees of chipper. I found the instruction very helpful and I think the class is going to help me. With what I am not sure but I think it will be helpful, if only to say that I “studied under” someone, which is important in the acting community.

But there is something about acting that feels, oh how would a 19 year old state school frat boy put this… gay. There is something so awkward and disturbing about the affect you must put on your face and expression that feel so embarrassing and effeminate. Like tap dance, gymnastics, figure skating and Punk from I Love New York 2, it just feels like something unnatural to a straight man, or at least our societal construct of what constitutes a straight man.

People often say that stand up seems scarier than acting. I could not disagree more. In stand up you put yourself out there, but you can be instantly validated by a crowd. Acting seems like it will always be awkward, like having a moment when you are talking to yourself, but then discovering that someone is watching you.

And the sad thing for me at 6’7″, 240 lbs is that I am limited to very few roles to begin with: bouncer, basketball player, or a mystical black man who heals Tom Hanks bladder at a Maine jail.