It took 4 years for me to truly bomb.

Last night was a proud moment for me. I got a big handshake from the doorman at Gotham when I walked in congratulating me. I was about to get my first non-bringer prime time spot on a pro show at Gotham Comedy Club. Admittedly I was a little nervous. Why? I do not really know.

Before the show I was speaking with my girlfriend who asked me if I was getting paid for the spot. I told her no and she asked why the club can do that. A terrific question, but the answer is simple: because I want what the club provides – stage time in front of real audience at a reputable venue. My girlfriend then told me she didn’t get it how I wasn’t getting paid when even clowns get paid for toddler birthday parties. Another great point.

Let’s just say on this night I would barely earn my pay.

The show was very bizarre – there was a filming going on for one of the comics for a new hi-definition cable channel. it was quite annoying because they kept re-filming things and trying to force reactions from the crowd. Then Jon Fisch went up – a Gotham favorite – and did good work. Then it was time for my 8 minute set.

It started well enough with my NBA joke. Then it just started getting shi-ty. I had more “ums” in my routine than an Ed Koch speech and more “yeahs” than Little Jon. Jokes that kill routinely I was fu-king up. The only stuff that actually worked last night was the newer stuff I have been working on. So there is a silver lining – I came away with 2 new minutes of material. But it was heinous. I was embarrassed for the first time in a long time with my comedy. In four years i feel like I have made steady progress, until last night.

The quote in the title is a joke from the funniest person I know who at this point should probably telling jokes while I bring people to her shows. And it is true.

But after four years in the game I have finally realized the key to success in this business: balancing hard work and not giving a fu-k. Going to open mics 5-6 nights a week is draining and I have not been doing it lately – so I have failed the hard work portion of comedy success. The other component I have been too busy worrying about what other people think that I have not looked at comedy as hungrily as I once did. Performing comedy is almost always 100% satisfaction for me. Worrying about what club owner thinks or what manager is watching or what show I’m auditioning for is what stresses me out. Almost all of my best jokes were written without anyone else in mind, but just based on what I thought was funny. I need to get back to that. The problem is when you are 28, working a 9 to 5 and living at home you are one of only a few things:

1) handicapped,

2) extremely lazy or

3) scared to disappoint or anger people.

Whatever the case may be it is time for that change. The directions of my life and comedy have followed similar paths. Now it is time for them both to swing upwards. I do not know which must change first, but they both have to.

The worst part about NYC is that I have not gotten sh-t other than one guest spot in four years from NYC. On the other hand, LA has hooked me up with a comedy central audition and interest from a manager from a reputable agency in the last 8 months. The problem is I am here and they are there. To be continued…