Or is he just the NBA’s R. Kelly?

I am one of the biggest Utah Jazz fans out there. They are my favorite sports team and for 21 years I have been mostly alone in NY as a fan. There are many reasons to love the Jazz. Here are a few:

1) Their starting center carries a man purse.

2) Their backup shooting guard may get the most women in the entire NBA – Ashton Kutcher + pro athlete = Kyle Korver.

3) They have the best point guard in the NBA – enough out of the Chris Paul fans.

4) Their small forward has the best nickname in professional sports – AK-47 (Andrei Kirilenko, wears the number 47).

But my main reason for being a Jazz fan started with Malone and Stockton. One defined the position power forward; the other defined the term short shorts. They played and executed the game with such precision and if it was not for a degenerate gambler named Michael Jordan and a push off of Bryon Russell, the Jazz would have at least one championship. Being a big guy I always favored Malone of the two. I was such a big Malone fan that I may have fallen in love when my ex knew that Malone’s nickname was The Mailman.

Throughout my youth all the way into college I am still remembered by many as a Jazz fan, mainly because of the offensively bright purple jackets I wore, which made me either a Jazz fan or a member of an incredibly gay street gang.

But in my room at my parents’ apartment still hang a Malone poster and a Stockton poster. But I have been disturbed by some recent news I have heard about Karl Malone.

He had father twins in high school, with whom he has developed a relationship (one is an All Star power forward in the WNBA – nice genes). But he also fathered a boy when he was a sophomore in college… with a 13 year old girl! Now I dated a girl who dated college guys in high school because it was “cool,” but I think as lame as it is for a college guy to delve into algebra class for a date it is unfathomable for a college student to actually have sex with a girl who still takes a class entitled “social studies.” I think as a rule, even if engaging in statutory rape, the girl must at least be taking classes with the word “History” in them, not social studies or map skills. That child has developed into an NFL player (recently drafted – nice genes), but Malone has refused a relationship with the guy, presumably because he is not obligated to pay support.

So what is a devout Karl Malone fan to do? I recently went on the news programs and denounced his behavior without denouncing the man. I can no more denounce Karl Malone than I can my own basketball career. But then Karl Malone recently appeared on NBA TV and declared that I was just being a lawyer and that I was still a big fan of the Mailman.

So today I must separate myself from Karl Malone and declare Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer my new favorite Jazz tandem (sorry John Stockton). Besides, how can you not root for the duo that is trying to defeat a rapist, not become one?