More train adventures plus a bonus cab story

So last night I hopped on the 4 train en route To Peter Lugar restaurant in Brooklyn. Sitting next to me was a young Latino couple in their early-mid 20s. At 86th Street a man, who appeared to be Indian (Bombay, not Dances With Wolves) got on the train.

He asked the young couple, “What stop next?” They seemed a little confused so I said 59th Street. He replied, “Oh, I need to get off.” (the 4 train is an express train that skips stops so presumably he needed the local. Then it got weird.

Indian said to the young Latino male: “You are lucky, very nice couple. They is jealous. THEY IS JEALOUS (3 more times, while pointing at me).

I then looked at the young Latino male and said: “I am very jealous. And shouldn’t it be ‘they are’ jealous?'”

Then Indian guy said to young Latino couple: “Enjoy your life as long as you have it.”

My inner monologue then said, “dude I know that India is not the same as the Middle East, but I cannot speak for everyone on this train. Maybe slow down with the ‘enjoy your life as long as you have it’ talk on a crowded train.” Then came the best part.

Indian guy then says: “Because all Americans are garbage (5-10 times).

Young Latin female says to young Latin male: “Should I tell him we are American (laughing)?”

The Indian man then got off at 59th street. So much for the see something, say something campaign. We all saw it, but no one said anything. But it is refreshing to see that the terrorists have not won and we have not changed our habit of ignoring crazies on the subway.

So after a dinner of shrimp, steak and cheesecake at Peter Lugar I took the subway home. Uneventful so far. But then I needed to hop a quick cab ride home from the subway station. I got into the cab and was greeted by some guy from Eastern Europe. As he told me he has only been here for 45 years, so that explained why he had not yet lost his thick accent. Then he told me a funny story. And by funny I mean disgraceful.

His story was prompted by several jaywalkers, who I feel should be struck by cars if and only if they:

1) don’t wave thanks

2) do it extremely slowly,

and

3) give that defiant, what the f–k are you gonna do stare.

But sometimes angry jaywalkers get a little more than what they should. Anyway, we had a few jaywalkers so he told me the story, here it is:

“Today, before I pick you up I see a big, fat black woman walking against the light in front of other keb (cab) driver. He honk her and she says ‘I go where I want.’ He says ‘you don’t have light’ and she says, ‘but you supposed to stop for me mother f–ker.’ So cab driver gets out of keb and punch this woman in the face and she fell to ground and her head was bleeding. (laughing). The police ask me what I see and I say. Sorry I see nothing. And the woman think she saw white keb, but that was because she was dizzy. The guy who hit her came from black keb, but she don’t know (laughing).

At that point all I could hear was Neil Diamond’s “America” playing in my head. A truly inspiring story of apathy and cruelty – THEY’RE COMING TO AMERICA. Maybe I’ll e-mail this one to Lou Dobbs. Occasionally in a melting pot, some ingredients get mixed in that f—k up the recipe.