The lesson over the last several months has been if you want help or people to care about you  just need to fu-k up more.  Fu-king up a little will just get you condemned or criticized, but be either famous or screw up big enough to become famous and you will get all the attention you could desire.  I think it was Donald Trump who said (paraphrasing), “If you owe the bank a million dollars they own you.  If you owe the bank a billion dollars you own the bank.” 

My first example of this is not so funny.  Rihanna’s abuse at the hands and teeth of Chris Brown.  Because Rihanna is famous and has lots of popular songs all of a sudden people are upset about relationship abuse, etc.  But after 3 1/2 years at the DA’s office in the Bronx and having dated someone years ago who dealt with teen victims of domestic abuse, this problem has been going on for a long time and a lot worse than what happened to Rihanna.  Not to minimize what happened to Rihanna, but there are plenty of young women in need of help that aren’t on television.  Sadly, these women and girls are unlikely to get record deals so I guess they are just going to have to keep getting punched and bitten.  The best thing RIhanna can and MUST do is to press charges against Chris Brown.  I have seen so many women come into the DA’s office only to decline to press charges because the guy “just lost his temper” or “he is not usually like that” or “he is the father of my kids.”  Well, Rihanna can send a great message to all those women that if Chris Brown, the Disney Channel’s version of Ike Turner can’t get away with it then Average Joe Abuser should not be let off the hook.  If she fails to follow through ten perhaps Chris Brown needs to knock some sense into her until she sends his ass to jail.

The next example is of course the bailout for all these banks.  Per The Donald’s advice – if you are going to lose your money, lose really big.  If you are going to fu-k the American people, use an extra big strap on and the government will have to bail you out. 

My third example is about that Mom with 14 kids – I refuse to learn her name.  Her lesson is if single Moms want more help… just keep having more kids.  Once again my experience in the Bronx is instructive.  If you have 4 or 5 or 6 kids from multiple men you will be derided by many civil servants as a “welfare queen” or “stupid” or “pathetic.”  Since many people are too insensitive or impatient to analyze the root causes of these women’s lifestyles or predicaments, my quick fix advice to these women is simple: have a lot more kids.  When you give birth to absurd amounts of kids you can get a reality show (there is some show on television about some family with like 15 kids or something like that) or you can be this nutjob with the 14 kids who has gotten numerous charitable offers (and some insults as well). 

Unfortunately if you want to be a famous comedian, writing and performing more jokes does not seem to work.  The exception that proves the rule I guess.